cold

Nighttime was falling fast. The intensity of the light calmed me. The colors were of strong fire in the sky. As it died down it became more beautiful and an array of colors set about the sky, from purples to oranges. The view was as powerful as a symphony quieting down. The sun had completed its tour for the day and a new painting of a myriad of stars is slowly painted anew on the sky canopy.

Breaking off from my trance the darkness suddenly engulfs me. The beauty of the sunset still burned to my eyes comforts me from the encompassing darkness that had blotted out all but the faintest light. I shiver, but not from the cold. There’s a shadow, vague but prominent and taking all my strength day by day, piece by piece, tear by tear.

Walking by the beachside, each wave greeted my skin with a calming cold. Frozen in place, but I fight it off. I turn around and look for the fireplace. a breeze sends my hair fluttering back. In the corner of my eye, I sense a shadow dancing by the canopy of trees.

A strange feeling washed over me with unbreakable force. It was the thought of losing everything. My mind is blank, but I am muddled with worry. It didn’t feel real.

Walking faster, the air was bitter and cruel against my flushed cheeks. Silently begging for it stop.

With a sigh, I close my eyes. The image of fire stuck in my head, helping me get through the cold.

February 13, 2018

I’ve never really read books. They sit there, gifts and purchases awaiting to be opened, for their pages to be felt by the tips of my fingers. Books centuries old and years a new, their contents revealing what it had been like in their era. I have no need for such knowledge. Or am I too lazy? No, it does not interest me at all. What could I possibly have use for such a thing? It’s all the same. Everything goes through ups and downs, what more could people possibly need to know more from that? Live in the moment I say. But then again there is the problem of the ultimate eternal struggle of finding things to fill our time. Good hobby I suppose. Good on you for enjoying history.

February 14, 2018

It’s Valentines Day. I guess it’s Dahlia’s birthday. They must be having a good time at the moment. I’m just guessing, I have no proof of its validity , no sight to be seen, no word of mouth to be heard, of what might be happening to be real. Deep down I know its true. As my heart heaves I excuse myself from the thought I conjured up in my dumb head. I couldn’t help myself. If it hurts this much then why have I done the things I’ve done?

I pack my bags, not ready to leave Adelaide. A few days ago I met with a social worker to talk through the fact that I’m moving interstate, to Sydney apparently. I’ve only been here for two years and were already moving again. I guess I can never really stay in one place. We’ve been moving countries, cities, houses, from the age I turned 10.

At the back of the transport, I really don't know where I'm going, who I'm going to see. What I'll encounter. Deep down I know it'll be good for me as I.

I allow myself into a trance. Watching shows and reading, left and right Hopelessness or hopeful? I question my past. The bitterness of the media I've consumed, I couldn't hold back no longer. I look to my left, a frozen pond catches my eye. As these things were. And now I remember. I know I'm not alone.