I Tried to Budget in 2025 and Accidentally Became a Financial Guru (Kind Of)

Let’s start with the truth: I googled “how to stop spending money like a drunk raccoon” and fell into the dark rabbit hole of finance TikToks, 72-tab budget spreadsheets, and an influencer named Derek who swears by “money manifestation.” Spoiler alert: Derek’s manifestation advice didn’t pay my electric bill.

So here’s what actually worked. Let’s talk about real investing and finance tips in 2025—the ones that’ll save you from ramen dinners and help you afford therapy and brunch. Maybe even a side of guac.

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1. You Need a High-Yield Savings Account. Like, Yesterday.

Stop parking your emergency fund in a bank that gives you 0.003% interest and a lollipop. In 2025, online banks and credit unions are offering up to 4.75% APY. That’s like finding $47 in your jeans every year—except it’s compound interest, not dryer lint money.

Pro Tip: Look for FDIC-insured accounts with no monthly fees. Bonus points if their app doesn’t look like it was made on Microsoft Paint.

2. Automate Like Your Life Depends on It (Because It Might)

Let’s be honest: if you had to manually transfer money to savings every month, you’d forget. You’d see a cute lamp on Instagram and say, “Screw it, it’s giving cozy.”

Set up automated transfers—10% of your income into savings, 10% into investments, and 100% into regretting your takeout habits.

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3. Investing Isn’t Just for Rich Dudes in Vests Anymore

Thanks to apps like Fidelity, Robinhood, and M1 Finance, you can start investing with as little as $5. Even your leftover Starbucks budget can go into ETFs now. (Yes, we’re turning caffeine into capital gains.)

Best performing ETFs in 2025 so far?

• $QQQ (Tech-focused, still going strong)

• $VOO (S&P 500 classic, like jeans that always fit)

• $VTI (Entire US stock market because why not?)

Also, AI and green energy funds are doing well—because apparently the robots are coming and they’re eco-friendly.

4. Retirement Accounts = Adulting Level 9000

If you don’t have a Roth IRA, I’m gonna need you to pause reading and go open one. Seriously. Tax-free growth? Withdrawals in retirement with $0 owed to Uncle Sam? It’s the closest thing to a legal money cheat code.

And if you’re freelancing or running your empire solo?

SEP IRA or Solo 401(k). Look it up. Thank me later.

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5. Cut the Clutter, Keep the Champagne

Budgeting doesn’t mean you have to live like a Victorian orphan. It means spending intentionally.

Cancel the three streaming services you forgot you had, buy in bulk like a doomsday prepper, and for heaven’s sake, check your subscriptions before your bank thinks you’re laundering money through apps you don’t use.

Also: treat yourself sometimes. Deprivation isn’t a strategy—it’s a meltdown in disguise.

6. Side Hustles Still Rule (But Choose Wisely)

Yes, everyone and their cat is freelancing now. But 2025’s gig economy is smarter:

• AI prompt engineering gigs are booming. (Translation: you get paid to talk to bots. Like me!)

• Content repurposing for influencers? Big money.

• And reselling vintage items from your attic? Now that’s “passive income” with mothballs.

Just avoid MLMs. If someone tells you it’s not a pyramid, it’s probably a pyramid.

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7. Crypto? Only If You Like Rollercoasters

Still into crypto? Cute. Just… don’t invest money you can’t afford to lose. Treat it like Vegas: set your limit, have fun, and don’t sell your kidneys if it crashes.

In 2025, Bitcoin is back over $80K (for now), Ethereum is thriving, and new regulations mean it’s a little less “Wild West,” but still very much “cowboys with smartphones.”

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Final Thoughts: You’re Doing Great (Even If You’re Slightly Panicked)

If you’re reading this and thinking, “I’m behind,”—no, you’re not. You’re just now becoming the kind of person who reads finance stories instead of ignoring your bank app like it’s a ghost. That’s growth, baby.

Remember:

• Start small.

• Be consistent.

• Ignore your uncle who says gold bars are the only safe investment.

And don’t take financial advice from TikTokers with ring lights and no credentials. Except maybe me. I’m hilarious and I have a Roth IRA.

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Clap if this made you laugh, cry, or cancel a subscription.

Share it with your broke bestie. Or your rich one—they can fund your ETF.