Polypropylene Underwear

Although it’s 61°F here in Florida, back home in New York it’s 20°F. The days are falling from the calendar, and when I return to the New York, it will be in its worst month, my birthday month, February. The bitch of winter. I’m not worried, though, because I have a secret weapon to fight the cold. It’s called polypropylene. Actually, you can find polypropylene underwear at any Army Navy Surplus store in America.

When did the story begin?

I first heard about polypropylene from a friend who was serving in the Marines. The winter of 2012 was a cold one, and the recruits were shown a rare mercy by the command (which the drill instructor staff, of course, took credit for) by being issued polypropylene underwear, a top and a bottom set for each recruit. At least that’s how it was for my friend's battalion. What seemed horrific to those recruits was that they were not allowed to wear the stuff when undergoing the most strenuous outdoor training. That was true after recruit training as well, when their NCOs would check to see whether or not we were wearing the polypros because there was a risk of passing out from heat stroke in the winter weather because of how warm the things kept us.

My Cold Childhood

I grew up in Florida and attended high school in New Hampshire. Some of my most vivid memories from boarding school are of trudging to class late in the morning as my body, especially my face, was pelted by miniature spears of ice. I remember sneering angrily at nature as my bike slipped and sided through snow on my way to a criminally early swim meet. Although I have lived through some cold winters, I was not born into it, and I have always hated it. I had worn long underwear before, and it definitely helps, but nothing ever solved the damned problem. When I learned about polypropylene, it was a seminal moment. I still wear polypropylene underwear when it gets cold, and feel great.

Today

New York, where I’ve lived the last few years, has been the ultimate test space for my enthusiastic praise of polypros. Daily life has its share of miserable cold experiences when February comes, but the stuff officially made the cut to Little Miracle when I started performing stand-up comedy. Beginning comics need time, and many of the people who run shows around New York make the new talent pass out flyers to strangers on the streets. If you live in New York and have been in Times Square, you’ve probably seen my people. Some of those guys and girls are just working for a company, but a lot of them are hard-working comics trying to make it. The job is unpleasant enough as it is. You stand outside and bark at strangers who, by and large, seem to hate you. The cold, though, can make it into a soul-searing nightmare. I have stood outside in 10°F weather cursing the wind between overtures to strangers. If you want to get on that stage, though, you do what you gotta do. But I haven’t hated that assignment for a long time. Sure, my face gets cold, but I have a great jacket with a thick hood. And I have polypropylene underwear. I can stand around the entire day in weather that’s as cold as the continental United States has to offer and smile at what the elements throw my way. I’ve never been to Alaska or Antarctica, never tested my thermal underwear against the likes of Nova Scotia, even. I’m sure in more dramatic environments, more dramatic measures are called for, though. If you’re living somewhere that gets freezing, your life will change drastically when you first start wearing polypropylene underwear.

Author's Bio

I am Charlotte and I have been a freelance or corporate writer for the past five years. I've written, edited, and proofread everything from magazine columns and novels to simple one line web ads. During my practice years, I spent five years writing at cheap custom essay, ad copy, and web content. I enjoy editing manuscripts, either turning rough works into finished ones (heavy editing), or polishing finished manuscripts to perfection and getting them ready for publication.