Life as an Army Girlfriend

If you’ve stumbled across this, it’s probably because you’re experiencing the same thing, or at least something similar, that I am. It’s been 3 days since my boyfriend left for basic training at Fort Leonard Wood, MO. We dropped him off Monday, July 12, 2021, and he hopped on a bus Tuesday, July 13, 2021, to his home for the next 6 months. Basic training is only 2 months, but he’s also doing his 4 month schooling there as well. I knew that this day was coming, yet my heart still aches for him to be home with me. I’ve been preparing myself for this day since we found out his ship out date, but nothing can prepare you for that final goodbye or that final I love you.

He and I started dating December 6, 2017 and have literally spent everyday together since then, obviously excluding vacations, days that we worked, or school days. This December, 2021, will make 4 years of us dating and we do have the intent to marry each other when he comes back from schooling. Call me childish if you wish to, but he and I have been discussing marriage for the last few years. We’ve had our wedding planned since our 1 year anniversary, as far as I can remember. He told me on our last phone call that he still intends to marry me when he comes home, and I trust that he will keep his word. This transition has been so difficult for both of us. I know that his family is also having a hard time not having him present anymore. We all know that he is safe and taken care of, but the heartache is still present each and every day.

I’m a full time cosmetology student with an estimated 3 months left in school before I graduate and take my boards. I also work nights on the weekends. I promised him that I’d keep doing my usual routine while he’s gone and, although it’s extremely hard most days, I plan to keep my promise. This helps to keep me busy most days, but when I’m not at school or work, all I can think about is how far away he is and how long he’s gone. Nothing will make me feel at ease until he’s back home with me and his family. I personally think the hardest part of this entire transition was hearing his voice crack on our final phone call when he told me he loved me and would write as soon as he was able to. That’s the main thing that broke me, if I had to pinpoint one thing.

The days are so long now without him here. I used to go over to see him everyday after school or work and now I just see old photos of us together. As crazy as it sounds, watching videos of him and hearing his voice helps. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s like it tricks my brain into thinking he’s on the phone with me. It’s also helpful to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through. I’ve found so much comfort in communicating with people that know and understand my situation.

When your soldier arrives at basic, he/she won’t get to communicate with you for a minimum of 3 weeks, or at least that’s what I’ve read and have been told. They will give you a quick call or text stating that they arrived safely and will write when they can but then is strictly radio silence. The hardest thing about being a military girlfriend, in my opinion, isn’t that your boyfriend isn’t here, it’s the fact that you have absolutely no communication with him for that long. It’s the long nights of staying awake all hours praying you’ll get a random text or call back. It’s the thought of his drill sergeants screaming at him at any given moment because he was too slow on something. It’s the endless worry that they’re breaking his spirit day by day. It’s the fear that he’ll come back a totally different man and won’t want you in his life anymore. Sure, to you it’s just 3 weeks of silence but to me, it feels like forever.

In my boyfriends case, he’s at basic for 10 weeks and then goes into schooling for 17 more weeks after he graduates. As far as I know, I can visit for family day on the day of his graduation so I’m really looking forward to that. I’m also excited to receive my first letter and potentially a phone call just so I know he’s doing okay. We’re still not sure if I can visit him during his 17 weeks of schooling but I’m hoping I’ll be able to, even if just for a weekend at a time. They always say that, in the military, no news is good news. However, it’s heart wrenching to not hear from your significant other for that many weeks.

I’ve found that keeping busy really is the key to coping. Having something to keep your mind focused limits the amount of time you have to think about how long your soldier is gone for and how much you miss him/her. I’m still extremely heartbroken that he’s gone, but the minute I get a letter or a phone call, all of that heartache will wash away because I’ll know he’s safe and doing relatively okay. Find people in your area that understand what you’re experiencing. They are usually the best at distracting you from thinking about it too much. I’ve also found that writing my feelings down helps to lift a weight off of my shoulders. It isn’t really getting easier, but I’m finding ways to cope with him being gone. It’s hard to watch your boyfriend leave for so long, but it’s even harder when he’s also your best friend. I know that things will lighten up eventually and I’m remaining as positive as I can for his sake, because I know he isn’t getting much positive reinforcement over there. I don’t want him to have to worry about me and worry about himself as well, so I’m doing what I can to remain a positive influence for him during this time.