You're Not a "Broken Person"

I was talking with a coworker when I asked, "Do you ever feel like there is a barrier between your brain and your body? Like they are functioning independently from one another, and you're just floating through life?" I was shocked when they said, "No."

How do you explain such an uncommon sensation to someone who's never experienced it especially when, to you, it is common?

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you're broken. After all, if someone has an injury in their leg that causes it not to function properly, we would refer to their leg as broken. Why shouldn't it be the same for our brains? If it isn't operating properly, then it must be broken.

And if our brain is broken, doesn't that mean that we are broken?

When we are depressed or anxious or dissociating or [insert feeling here], the thought might occur that because there is something "wrong" with our brain, that we must "fix" it. Using the word "fix" implies the presence of some flaw or aberration in the first place.

I think a more accurate term would be dealing with it. Mental illnesses don't just go away, and if they do it's typically only a temporary thing. This is, I think, the ultimate issue with trying to "fix" our brains. If you view your progress through the lens of trying to "fix" something, you'll only be disappointed when the repair is never really completed. This creates a constant cycle of negativity: "Why aren't I getting better? Why am I still broken?"

By saying that we're "dealing with it," we present to ourselves a more accurate picture of what's really going on. In many cases, mental illness is a lifelong struggle, and the severity can vary from person to person. Maybe you're only depressed for a couple weeks in early January, or maybe you're depressed 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. Each instance requires its own kind of attention whether that be therapy, medication, or some other form of self-care.

Broken things either need to be fixed or thrown away. Car breaks down? Take it to the mechanic. Crack in a glass? Throw it out and get a new one! The reality of the situation is: there is no "mechanic" who can "fix" your brain, and you can't simply get a new one. The most we can do is deal with the one we've got, every single day.

But that's not such a bad thing, because the other important thing to remember is:

Everyone's brain is wired differently.

That's the beauty of being human - of being alive. We're not machines created in factories expected to be perfect. We aren't computers that can receive monthly software updates to ensure our "operating system" is bug-free. We are all, each and every one of us, flawed and slightly off-center. And that's great! Because if we weren't, life would be pretty boring.

The idea of "normalcy" creates this skewed understanding of what it means to be human. Think of that Spongebob episode where he becomes "normal." Is that really what any of us want?

That same co-worker of mine - who I felt could never understand my experience - came to me a short while later and explained that she suffers from panic attacks frequently, that she kept her nails short because if she didn't, she would dig into her hands so badly as to draw blood.

I've never met a "normal" person in my life, and I prefer it that way.