You Don’t Have to Be ‘Fixed’: Why Healing Isn’t a Linear Journey

When I first started my healing journey, I treated it like a checklist.

✓ Go to therapy

✓ Journal every day

✓ Read self-help books

✓ Meditate

✓ Think positive

I thought if I just followed the right steps, I’d be “better.” Healed. Fixed. Done.

But healing doesn’t work that way.

The Myth of Being "Fixed"

Somewhere along the way, we bought into the lie that being healed means you’re never triggered, never sad, never struggling again.

It’s not true.

Healing isn’t a final destination. It’s not a gold medal you earn for surviving trauma or a straight road that gets smoother the further you go. It’s messy, cyclical, and deeply human.

You can be doing “everything right” and still have a hard day.

That doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means you’re still becoming.

Healing Is Like Grieving

What no one tells you is that healing often feels like grief.

You grieve the version of yourself who tolerated things you never should’ve.

You grieve the years you spent in survival mode.

You grieve the relationships that ended when you started setting boundaries.

You grieve the peace you thought you’d feel by now.

But grief isn’t a step backward. It’s part of the process. It means you’re feeling what you were never allowed to before.

It’s Okay to Outgrow Who You Were

Sometimes the hardest part of healing is letting go of the identity you built around your pain.

I used to wear my trauma like armor: guarded, hyper-independent, always in control.

It kept me safe—but it also kept me isolated.

Letting that go was terrifying. I had to relearn what safety felt like. What connection felt like. What softness felt like.

And I had to remind myself: growth doesn’t mean betrayal. It means evolution.

Progress Isn’t Always Visible

Some days, healing looks like breakthroughs and clarity.

Other days, it looks like brushing your teeth and texting a friend back.

It’s easy to celebrate the big wins—ending a toxic relationship, landing a new job, standing up for yourself. But don’t overlook the quiet victories:

Getting out of bed when you wanted to disappear

Saying “no” without explaining yourself

Choosing rest over burnout

Letting yourself cry without shame

These moments count. They matter more than you think.

Stop Measuring Yourself Against “Healed People”

Spoiler: there are no fully healed people. There are only people doing their best to grow, adapt, and make peace with their past.

Healing isn’t a competition. There’s no prize for getting over it the fastest or appearing the most put-together.

In fact, the people who seem the most “together” often have unprocessed wounds hidden beneath their smiles.

Be gentle with yourself. You’re not late. You’re not behind. You’re just human.

You’re Allowed to Be a Work in Progress

You don’t have to have all the answers.

You don’t need a perfect morning routine, a healed inner child, or 10 journal prompts to “fix” yourself.

Sometimes, all you need is a quiet moment to breathe.

To remind yourself you’ve come so far.

To trust that you’re allowed to stumble and still be moving forward.

Healing is not about becoming flawless. It’s about becoming more you.

Read That Again:

You do not have to be fixed.

You do not have to be perfect.

You do not have to be anything other than who you are, in this moment, trying your best with what you have.

That is enough.

Final Thoughts

If you’re in the thick of it right now, please know this: healing doesn’t always feel like healing.

Sometimes it feels like chaos. Sometimes it feels like failure.

But if you’re choosing yourself, even in the smallest of ways, that’s healing.

And that’s worth celebrating.

Have you ever felt like you were failing at healing? Share your story in the comments. You might help someone feel a little less alone.