Why You Sabotage Good Things When You’re Used to Chaos

Let’s talk about something most people don’t say out loud:

Sometimes, when life finally starts to feel calm...
When someone treats you gently…
When everything feels *too good* to be true…

You panic.

You push them away. Overthink every word. Start fights. Distance yourself.
Not because they did anything wrong — but because it all feels unfamiliar.

If you’ve ever sabotaged a good thing, here’s the truth:
**You’re not broken. You’re just used to chaos.**

And your nervous system is still wired for survival.

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### (1. Chaos Taught You That Love Is Painful)

If you grew up in instability — emotionally, mentally, or physically — your body may have linked love with pain.

Maybe love meant unpredictability.
Or mood swings. Or walking on eggshells.

So now, when someone shows up calmly, kindly, consistently… your brain says:
“This doesn’t feel like love. This feels suspicious.”

Because your baseline was chaos. And peace feels like a threat.

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### (2. You Learned to Expect the Crash After the Calm)

When everything’s going well, you can’t enjoy it.
You wait for the moment it all falls apart.

You start scanning for signs.
Overanalyzing texts.
Testing people to “prove” they’ll leave.

It’s not that you want it to end — it’s that your body is preparing for disappointment before it happens.

That’s not weakness. That’s trauma logic.

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### (3. You Sabotage Because Stability Feels Boring)

Toxic dynamics are addictive.
They give you highs and lows, drama and reconciliation, fights and forgiveness.

It keeps your adrenaline pumping.

But healthy love?
It’s quiet. Stable. Predictable.

And at first, that can feel boring.
But boring isn’t bad — it’s *safe*. It’s what you never had growing up.

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### (4. You Question Kindness — Because You Never Received It Without a Catch)

When someone compliments you, you wonder if they’re lying.
When they’re consistent, you wait for them to switch.
When they’re gentle, you wonder what they want from you.

Because in your past, kindness was often a mask.
Used for control. Manipulation. Or temporary peace before the next storm.

Now, real kindness feels fake — because fake kindness is what you learned first.

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### (5. You Push People Away Before They Can Hurt You)

You ghost.
You become cold.
You sabotage the connection — not because you don’t care, but because you care *too much*.

You’d rather be the one who leaves first than the one left behind.

That’s not cruelty. That’s self-protection.

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### (6. You Don’t Believe You Deserve Something Healthy)

Deep down, a small voice whispers:
“This person is too good for me.”
“If they really knew me, they’d leave.”
“I don’t deserve this kind of love.”

So you act in ways that push them away — not because you don’t want love, but because you don’t believe you’re allowed to have it.

This is one of the hardest lies to unlearn.

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### (7. You Mistake Calm for Disconnection)

You’ve been in relationships where shouting meant passion.
Jealousy meant love.
Tension meant chemistry.

So when someone is calm, respectful, and non-reactive — it feels flat. Off. Cold.

But what you're actually experiencing is emotional *safety.*
You just don’t recognize it yet.

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### 🌿 Final Thought

If you’ve sabotaged a good thing, please don’t shame yourself.
You’re not dramatic. You’re not toxic.
You’re just healing from a lifetime of emotional landmines.

It’s hard to trust what you’ve never known.
It’s hard to feel safe when your nervous system is trained for survival.
It’s hard to let in real love when you’ve only ever known conditional love.

But this is what healing looks like:
Learning to sit in peace without panic.
Learning to trust stillness.
Learning that love can be soft — and still be real.

(. . .) The good things aren’t too good to be true.
They’re just new.
And *you’re allowed to learn how to receive them* — without sabotage, without guilt, without fear.

You’re not broken.

You’re becoming safe enough to keep what you’ve always deserved.