Why Narcissists Are Attracted to You (And What That Says About You).

The beginning of freedom is not learning how to spot a narcissist.
It’s learning how not to be one.

That’s where this begins. Not with pointing fingers.
Not with a checklist of “red flags.”
But with a mirror.

Because narcissists?
They don’t show up twirling mustaches and making grand speeches.
They don’t wear signs. They don’t announce themselves.
They arrive like healers. Like listeners. Like everything you’ve been hoping for.

And they find you. Repeatedly.

You’ve probably asked yourself why.

Why do narcissists seem to always find me?
Is it because I’m too kind? Too open? Too trusting?
Is there something wrong with me?

Yes. But not in the way you think.

They Look Like the Light — Until They Don’t

You don’t meet the narcissist in the middle of chaos.
You meet them in the middle of hope.

At church.
In a creative workshop.
During a support group.
Leading a retreat, hosting healing conversations, organizing “safe” spaces.

Or at the brink of chaos, lending a helping hand.

They carry the language of healing. They speak "boundaries," "trauma-informed," "safe space."
They know what empathy looks like.
They perform what kindness feels like.

Until they don’t.

Until your energy becomes theirs.
Until you feel confused.
Until you start apologizing for being hurt.

And the trap is this:
If you don’t know your own darkness, you’ll never see theirs.
Because they won’t show it until you’ve handed them the keys.


You’re Not an Empath. You’re Bait.

This one’s going to sting a little.

If you’re always talking about how “empathetic” you are, if you proudly identify as “an empath,” if you say you “just feel too much”—
You’re exactly what narcissists are looking for.

Not because empathy is weak.
But because unexamined empathy is boundaryless.

It performs like virtue but acts like an open door.

And narcissists know doors.

The part of you that wants to be seen as the good one, the healer, the safe space?
That’s what they use.
Not because you’re bad—but because you haven’t gone deep enough.

You’ve nurtured a soft heart but not a strong spine.

Your Weakness Isn’t Kindness — It’s Ego in Disguise.

Here’s the hard truth:

What attracts narcissists isn’t just kindness.

It’s the subtle belief that you’re better because you’re kind.

That self-righteous little whisper:

“I don’t do drama.”

“I’m above all that.”

“I’m not like those other people.”

That’s bait.

That’s ego with a halo.

And narcissists love ego with a halo. It’s easier to manipulate.

Because they can flatter it.

They can mirror it.

They can be it—until you’re no longer sure who’s who.

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You Don’t Need to Be Colder — You Need to Be Clearer.

People think the only way to repel narcissists is to become less nice. Less open.
To harden.

That’s wrong.

Narcissists aren’t afraid of cold. They live in cold.
They’re afraid of clarity.
Of someone who knows themselves too well to be seduced.

You want to stop attracting narcissists?
You don’t need to dim your light.
You need to burn hotter.

Because real light—honest, self-aware, no-bullshit light—makes narcissists squirm.
They can’t shape-shift in it.
They can’t manipulate it.
They can’t survive it.

Snakes Don’t Flee Silence. They Flee Fire.

Let’s be honest: narcissists aren't the problem.
They exist. That’s reality.

The problem is when we pretend we’re not complicit.
When we stay soft in the name of spirituality.
When we mistake avoidance for peace.

It’s time to stop playing the role of the perfect empath and start being real.

Real doesn’t always feel good.
Real has sharp edges.
Real has discernment, directness, and boundaries that aren’t just quotes on Instagram.

Burn away the parts of you that want to be worshipped.
Burn away the fantasy that says: “I’d never do what they do.”
Burn until all that’s left is truth.

Because when you become real—fully, wholly, groundedly real—
They can’t touch you.

So no—narcissists aren’t afraid of confrontation.
They’re afraid of someone who doesn’t need them.
Doesn’t fear them.
Doesn’t admire them.
Doesn’t reflect them.

That’s the beginning of freedom.

Not in spotting the narcissist.
But in refusing to be a mirror.

And at the end of the day?

Just don’t be an asshole, man.

Seriously. Just don’t.

Be kind.

Be clear.

Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Not to be seen as good. Not to be praised.

But because it’s decent. Because it’s real. Because it’s enough.

That’s the light they can’t fake—and the one they can’t stand.

In summary?

If asked to identify the narcissist in any situation,

most people would likely get it wrong.

And that’s why it’s not just about spotting them.

It’s about refusing to become one.

Bad people and good people are found everywhere and often together in the same place.