What I Learned About Grief While Helping Mum with Deceased Estate Clearing in Double Bay

Grief doesn’t always hit you at the funeral. Sometimes it arrives when you’re deciding what to do with your mother’s favourite teacup.

When Mum passed away last winter, the world didn’t slow down the way I imagined it would. Her memorial was quiet but beautiful, surrounded by the scent of wattle flowers and the low murmur of shared memories. But once the guests had left and the formalities were over, we were left with something harder to process: her house. The home where she’d lived for over 40 years.

Located in a quiet pocket of Double Bay, the house had always been full of warmth—like a book filled with stories in every drawer and behind every cupboard door. But now it felt impossibly heavy. And so began the emotionally loaded task of deceased estate clearing.

The House Is a Storybook, Not Just a Place

Walking into Mum’s home after the funeral felt like crossing into a frozen time capsule. Her cardigans still hung by the front door. A biscuit tin sat half full on the kitchen bench. The piano stool in the lounge room creaked under my weight, just as it always had when she played on Sundays.

But it wasn’t the grand items that stopped me in my tracks—it was the smallest things. Receipts dated 1987, newspaper clippings she’d underlined, old letters folded so many times they tore at the edges. Every item I picked up seemed to ask: “Are you sure you want to let me go?”

There’s a deeply emotional layer to clearing out family belongings. It’s not just organising. It’s not just sorting. It’s mourning through motion.

The Unexpected Burden of Decision-Making

My sister and I quickly learned that clearing a deceased estate isn’t just about logistics. It’s about choices—and often, conflicting ones.

She wanted to keep everything. I wanted to keep nothing, for fear of falling into a pit of sentimentality. We argued over the contents of a dusty bookshelf and whether Mum’s old garden chairs were “worth storing.” The garage alone took us two days to face.

What no one tells you is that grief is deeply personal. And when two people grieve differently, even deciding what to do with a cracked casserole dish can become a trigger.

These items weren’t just “things.” They were symbols. Of comfort. Of childhood. Of connection. We didn’t want to erase Mum, but we also didn’t know how to move forward.

When We Realised We Couldn’t Do It Alone

By the end of the first week, our emotions were frayed, and our physical energy depleted. We'd filled several skip bins and made endless donation trips. But still, we’d barely scratched the surface. That’s when a close family friend gently suggested we look into professional help.

At first, I bristled. The idea of someone else touching Mum’s belongings felt intrusive. But after some reflection, we realised that getting support didn’t mean we were giving up—it meant we were protecting our mental health.

That’s how we found Double Bay deceased estate clearing by All Sorted Out. What stood out wasn’t just their understanding of logistics. It was their compassion. They didn’t just empty rooms—they helped us identify what truly mattered, both practically and emotionally.

Having someone guide us through the process meant fewer arguments, more clarity, and most importantly, less emotional exhaustion. The respectful and methodical approach gave us the space to breathe again.

Letting Go Without Losing Her

Something shifted after that. With guidance, we became better at distinguishing keepsakes from clutter. We found joy in discovering her old recipes, which we scanned and printed into a family cookbook. Her scarves were donated to a women’s shelter—something she would’ve wanted.

There were still tears. There were still moments where we stood frozen in the hallway, unable to decide. But the panic had faded. The guilt had softened.

We began to understand that letting go of an object didn’t mean letting go of a person. It simply meant making space for new ways to carry them with us.

Grief Doesn’t End with the Cleaning—But It Changes

It’s been six months since we finished the estate clearing. The house has since been sold to a young family who adore the garden Mum spent years nurturing.

And while I still catch myself thinking I should call her when I see something funny on TV, the sharpness of that ache has dulled into something quieter—more bearable.

If you’re facing the process of clearing a loved one’s estate, don’t be afraid to seek support. There’s no need to rush, and there’s no shame in asking for help. Services like All Sorted Out exist not just for convenience, but to honour the people you’re saying goodbye to in a respectful, meaningful way.

Because grief may not follow a clean checklist—but it doesn’t have to be tackled alone.