Update on Celibacy and Singlehood

In the last few years I’ve recounted my experience becoming a single and celibate woman, and I thought it was time for yet another update.

This year, I reconnected with an old acquaintance who I have known for about a decade. Nevertheless, this person showed themselves to be almost exactly what I have identified to be the main issue with men and why I do not think I will date or be in another relationship again.

Firstly, this person came on robust and flirtatious with me despite it being very clear that I am not the type to engage in casual sex exchanges. I do not believe in having any kind of sexual interaction with a person who is not, at the very least, my boyfriend already.

Yes, I require a man to become my steady, exclusive boyfriend before I will have sex with him and yes that does require a certain tenure of time to get to know them, and also I could go on a date with a man one, two, three, four, fix or six times and still never have sex with him. I do not believe dates are payment for advanced sexual favors, and if a man thinks that spending time with me to convince me to have sex with him without meeting that BARE minimum expectation I will lose respect for him quickly.

I offered this man the opportunity to date me and the man told me that he was not emotionally stable enough for a relationship, but he wanted me to be His Muse and paramour. I knew what that meant, he wanted the privileges associated with my company and sexual interactions but he did not want the obligation or accountability for my emotional support needs or the companionship that I require before I will have sex with a person.

I was going to meet him for a weekend adventure and go on an official date with him though as he said that after spending two months talking to me he thought my brain was beautiful. I kept asking why he was talking to me when clearly he just wanted a sexual partner and no relationship, and he argued and pushed back and asked me why I couldn’t just accept what he had to give while he sorted himself out.

And I will say this here: It’s not okay for anyone to say why can’t you just take the breadcrumbs I’m offering you instead of what you really want and be happy with it? That’s abusive and toxic. If someone tells you this is what they want in a relationship and these are their boundaries for sexual interactions you can either accept that and if you like them - go ahead and date them like a proper adult and become their boyfriend, OR you can go find a female who is agreeable and DTF without any strings attached.

I will say, however, if you go find a DTF don’t come back to talk to me. I don’t want to have other energies and biologies involved with my spirit or physical body and if you contaminate yourself with those things I will find you unappealing and that’s the choices you have to make.

Things continued, of course and every time I reiterated that I would not hookup or engage promiscuity or pleasure with a person who wasn’t sure if they wanted to date me or not, he would get upset. He asked me what I wanted and I told him a steady exclusive boyfriend and that I wanted it to be him. Then he got angry for me wanting to put a label on it after he asked me what I wanted.

TOXIC?

Yes, but I still was patient, kind and understanding while holding firm to my boundaries.

It came to the week we were supposed to meet and then this person had a mental breakdown and I was distraught over that because I do care about them. I tried to be a support person and for 9 days I wasn’t responded to anywhere. Finally on the 10th day I got two texts; one that said he wasn’t doing well mentally and not in a good headspace but that he was okay and he would reach out when he was ready. I said okay, I was praying for him, and he knew where to find me when he wanted.

A week went by - no further contact was made on either side, then this Monday morning I got a DM saying we would talk when his day was over and he never came to talk to me.

Naturally, this was a disrespectful blatant slap in my face and while I was patient and understanding of his mental issue before this - there is no excuse for treating a person who went as far as I did to care and support him this way.

I finally got the spine to say, I got it - it’s clear he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, but he never had the maturity to say that himself no matter how many times he was asked about it.

I told him I wouldn’t contact him anymore. I told him to enjoy his life, and somehow as I write this the realization that so many more women will go through this because of men being incapable of communicating properly when they ask for that from women.

I am a great catch of a woman. I am a beautiful, talented, successful, loyal and driven woman. I have a beautiful heart, a giving nature, and a lot of love to give but nobody deserves my body or sensuality who cannot be there for me emotionally or even speak to me like a proper adult.

And so for those people who have been asking me, ‘Sai why do you still not have a boyfriend?’ And ‘Sai, how do you deal with being single and celibate and in control of yourself so well?’ I’m gonna tell you these things now:

1. Because the RARE times I actually LIKE someone they never want to be a boyfriend. Everyone wants to enjoy and fetishize the idea of me but nobody wants to love and support me how I need. Why do I want a boyfriend if I can’t get what I need out of it let alone what I want?
2. I have self-mastered. I do not need another human being to make me feel valuable and loved. I love myself in every way. That includes my own sexual needs and trust me with the sex toy industry where it is nowadays I have no problem taking care of myself - and probably better than anyone else in my life ever has to be frank.

So, yes I’m still single. And yes, I’m still celibate. And, yes I’m still waiting for a man who WANTS A GOOD WOMAN and is willing to pursue her, step up and be what she needs. I will say, however, that I’m not like most females and getting in my DMs offering me $$ and dick won’t get you anywhere. I need intelligence and wisdom in my life. You want my attention you have to stimulate my brain - looks, sex and money will not impress me because they never have.

I’m interested in intelligence and connection. And in this day and age - that’s the rarest thing to find.