UNFORTUNATE STORY OF DEPRESSION

PERSONAL STORY

A few years ago, life dealt me a test I could never have anticipated. It all began with the need to stay permanently inside my house after my grandmother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

I spent four fateful years taking care of her, entirely alone, hearing constant screams about dark figures roaming the dark corridors of our house, emerging from holes in the walls as if they were invading our universe from the deepest parts of the void.

I knew they weren’t real, but the vivid descriptions and the way she would act when it happened were beyond anything I could have imagined. It felt like I was living in a never-ending nightmare that grew worse every day.

Because she was lost in a different reality, I felt alone in a way that seemed unbearable. The overwhelming responsibility of caring for her, combined with the isolation, the relentless, disturbing environment, and my lack of self-worth, gradually eroded my mental health.

The loneliness and the insanity were driving me crazy, and I slowly became just a shell of my former self, devoid of a soul.

Sometimes, through the screams, I could hear fragments of laughter from the street — people enjoying life and having fun, while I was crying myself to sleep. It was a luxury I no longer had access to.

These moments only deepened my despair, making me question the necessity of continuing and pushing me further into depression.

But something inside me kept telling me to keep going, though I still didn’t know what it was. This experience played a significant role in shaping the person I’m proud of being today, but it was harder than anything I could have imagined.

DEPRESSION

This topic has always been something of a taboo, but in this day and age, for a variety of reasons, it’s becoming more prevalent in our society, being the second most common mental disorder, just falling short of anxiety.

“An estimated 3.8% of the population experience depression, including 5% of adults (4% among men and 6% among women), and 5.7% of adults older than 60 years. Approximately 280 million people in the world have depression…” (1)

Depressive disorder, or depression, involves a profound level of sadness and emptiness that stretches on continuously for long periods, leaving the person feeling lost, empty, and completely devoid of any sense of pleasure or happiness.

In other words, it’s as if the body and mind vaguely exist in this world, with no purpose to continue, always on the edge of a never-ending cliff, that could lead to a decision with no return.

The most difficult part is that, in most cases, the overwhelming darkness people are facing is battled in loneliness, where no one is there to hear their cries and hopelessness.

This, by itself, makes the process so much harder because it all comes from within.

SHORT/LONG-TERM EFFECTS

I endured this for years, so I’ll give a list of some symptoms of this traumatic reality that some face, alone. Let’s begin:

• Poor concentration or none whatsoever;
• Feeling empty even in situations that should bring happiness (e.g., being with family);
• Complete lack of desire to continue, giving rise to thoughts about ending it all. I had a car accident, and I felt nothing about it. I was awake and felt every instant of the crash, while the car flipped twice in the middle of the woods, and nothing — not even a thought;
• Shame and disgust about your existence. A mirror will be your worst enemy. Remembering this, I realize this part was the most important and gave me the worst feeling — feeling worthless;
• Lack of energy and feeling tired all the time;
• Nightmares and waking up at night.

This list can vary from person to person, but in the end, the pain is beyond description.

WAYS I FOUND THAT HELPED

To treat this horrific problem, by far the most important thing is communication. It is a fundamental aspect of almost any treatment, except medication, such as behavioural activation, interpersonal psychotherapy, and problem-solving therapy.

The most important thing anyone with this terrible problem can do is to start loving themselves. How?

• Exercising did wonders to keep me going. Every time you train, you get better, until you go to the mirror and start enjoying what you see. It starts there.
• Distract your mind from pain with anything you love doing. I know it’s hard! Just read, write, paint, exercise, and talk to yourself like I did! Go into the night look at the stars shining bright and ask questions. When the brain is distracted, it becomes a bit easier to get better.
• Be around people as much as possible — in the park, museum, school, or at work. It’s crucial to be around people or call a service line and speak. This is the most difficult part, but also the most important. Keep trying, over and over again!
• Avoid alcohol or drugs. The effects are an illusion; they will never work.
• Join a support group and listen to their experiences. Try your best to share your experience as well (I didn't do that, don't make my mistake.)

Remember, life is a roller coaster of emotions, and sometimes it’s incredibly difficult to get out of certain situations, but hope for a better future must remain somewhere inside you. That’s why I’m still here!

PREVENTION IS THE BEST

Sometimes, the smallest details can make all the difference. If you start noticing your mood changing or feeling sad all the time, talk to someone or engage in any activity immediately before it gets worse.

The time it takes to take action will be fundamental for the future.

Your life is precious!

REACHING OUT

If you need any help or you know someone who does, reach out to me and I will try my best to help.

I hope you enjoyed this, and I hope it helped you, even if just a little. Live with an open heart, subscribe, and share. I want to reach everyone who is facing this.

And most importantly, comment! I want to hear your story.

Goodbye, with love.

REFERENCE

(1) — https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/depression