Trapped!

I’m the smartest one here, the cleverest one here.

And my fur is the best.

The fox has nice fur too, but he doesn’t have a coat to match mine.

My mask and my rings are the envy of foxes everywhere!

And the fox, he thinks he’s the cleverest but he’s obviously not.

The fox never could have outsmarted a human the way I did.

All he really knows how to do is hunt. And frolic.

But it doesn’t take a genius to know how to frolic.

I know how to frolic, I simply choose not too.

Because I have an image to uphold.

Now, I will admit that the crows are moderately clever. Sometimes I think they may be almost as clever as me.

It’s just an impression I get when I watch them squabble.

Any animal that is intelligent enough to argue is clever if you ask me.

But, unfortunately for the crows, they have feathers.

They are jealous of my stunning fur. My adorable fur.

The crows wish they could be like me. I hear them caw-caw-cawing whenever I walk by, and everybody know what that means!

They’re not just afraid I’ll steal their eggs. That’s what they imply, but honestly it sounds like they’re just bitter that my fur looks so much better than their feathers.

Imagine having feathers? Embarrassing!

Squirrels on the other hand are clever enough to argue and they have decent fur.

Especially on their tails. If their tails had rings like mine, they’d be unstoppable.

But….

They’re so obsessed with collecting and hiding nuts that they just come across as petty and ridiculous.

They’re constantly busy so they miss out on easier, better opportunities.

They never steal eggs and they never scoop up crayfish, which is silly.

Still, all things considered, if I had to be any other animal I’d be a squirrel.

Or maybe a skunk.

Now the skunk thinks he has the best fur, but he doesn’t! Because no matter how pretty he is, his fur smells terrible. Nobody can overlook that stink.

I admit, spraying his odor all over anyone who gets close is a clever trick.

It’s not a trick I would use, because I have too much self respect.

But it certainly works for the skunk since he’s not too proud.

Even the coyotes leave him alone, and they’re the baddest crew in this park.

Well, maybe second baddest. The coyotes are scared of the humans after all.

We all are.

They’re always making loud noises, stomping around and yacking. But I think it’s all for show.

I think the humans are just trying to look tough, because they like bullying the little guys like us!

They’re probably just insecuree, because they have so little fur.

And the fur they do have looks so stupid! It only grows from the tops of their heads.

I’m so glad I’m not a stupid looking human!

But are they clever?

I’m really not so sure….

Like everybody else I used to think that humans were the cleverest ones in the park.

But I’m here to tell you that I outsmarted one just the other day!

It all started with one of their food dumps.

You know, those big metal bins that they throw so much food into?

Quick aside— if humans are so clever, why do they stash their food where it’s so easy to steal?

That’s honestly so idiotic.

But they do it all the time!

There’s always chicken bones, and scraps of fruit and crusts and syrups and hundreds of other delicacies in that big metal bin.

I always assumed humans were saving these things for later, but they never protect or hide them at all!

So they’re clearly not as clever as everybody assumes.

We’ll just a few days ago, I was sniffing around that big green food bin at the bottom of the hill.

I could tell there was something yummy in there.

So I climbed up on the pile of wood next to that bin, and peeked over the edge.

The smell was intoxicating!

I knew I’d find some of that delicious salty, greasy stuff that comes in those flimsy boxes.

I also smelled chicken bones and something sugary.

Now, I admit, as clever as I am, sometimes my excitement gets the better of me.

I should have noticed that the food pile was smaller than normal. The walls of the bin were so high— if I jumped down…

… I wouldn’t be able to climb back out.

But, in the moment that thought totally slipped my mind.

All I could think about was eating my full and then taking a few arm fulls back to my cache.

(And no I’m not going to tell you where that is!)

I sniffed again, my mouth was watering.

When you get hungry do your whiskers twitch? Mine do.

I rubbed my paws together and leapt into the bin and to my heart’s delight.

I found some of those crunchy crumbly things that taste so good.

I licked and chewed and glutted myself there in that bin.

I was in paradise.

A human food cache all to myself!

Still, I don’t know why they throw so much broken plastic and dog shit into their food bin.

Maybe it’s some incomprehensible style choice?

Anyway, as I was digging and feasting I heard the pitter patter of rain, landing on those thin transparent sheets that often contain the food in human caches.

I didn’t want to get caught in the rain so I grabbed a few mounth fulls of the good stuff and looked for my exit.

But I was trapped!

The walls were too steep and too smooth to climb.

At first I thought the humans might have intended me to fall in this trap.

But that’s probably giving them too much credit.

I don’t think they can plan that far ahead.

Then the rain started really pounding down.

It was cold, it soaked me to my core.

I scampered around, wracked my brain for a way out. But there was nothing I could do.

I curled up in a corner and cursed my luck and when the rain began to puddle I climbed on top of the pile of human stuff.

When the rain finally stopped I was still trapped.

And soaked.

I started to think about how unfair it was— then I heard the rumble of one of the human’s big shiny creatures. The ones they ride in that smell like burning.

The rumble pulled right up to my hiding spot, and lo and behold: an ugly, stupid human peeked over the bin— he looked right at me!

My blood ran cold.

I don’t believe this human was clever enough to have trapped me on purpose. But there’s no doubt in my mind that this opportunistic killer was happy to have found me. To him, I was an easy meal!

He was chattering the whole time, staring at me all the while.

I don’t pretend to understand their nonsense language but I could tell from the tone that he meant to eat me.

I knew it in my core. I saw it in his cold, sadistic, soulless eyes!

But he hesitated, the coward!

I’m sure he knew if he tried to reach in, I’d put up a terrible fight! I’d chew his fingers like cheese and scratch him to oblivion!

So what did that human do? He went and grabbed some of the wood from that same pile I’d climbed up before. I heard him dragging it around beside the bin.

The scraping sent shivers down my spine!

I’m big enough to admit I was terrified!

Then the human hoisted the piece of wood up onto the rim of the bin.

I realized with dreadful clarity: he meant to smoosh me!

Pretty clever of him, to use a tool to do me in!

I had to think fast if I wanted to get out of there alive.

The human kept blabbing and threatening me all the while.

And I, very cleverly, pretended that I was frozen— petrified— by fear.

But when he slid the wood in to smoosh me— I darted out of the way.

I waited for an opening— when the fool human stepped a little farther away….

Then I mustered up all my courage and climbed the very weapon he’d meant to kill me with!!!

I darted up the wood and out onto the rim of the bin!

My heart was galloping. I knew any minute he could snatch me up and that would be the end.

But freedom was almost mine!

I leapt down onto solid ground and ran for my very life.

When I made the brush line I felt safe enough to spare one backwards glance— I wish you could have seen the look on that humans face!

He knew he’d been outsmarted.

He also seemed jealous of my fur.

I know he’ll never forget the day he almost got me!