This Moment

Always, never and always. That is what I keep remembering my old self saying all the time. ALWAYS this, or NEVER that. If I could find a way to eliminate these concepts from the cycle I could jump the Horizontal scales and redirect these hiccups far far far from here. There is certainly comfort here, comfort in the unknown. The fear is so tangible and unwelcome in the same moment I see it all the same. Lose my voice, fall short of the grandour I imagine all too well to be real until I convince myself otherwise. These inner demons, bla bla bla. That opposing baffle set up to persuade you out of being your true self. Imagine having a complete internal dialogue all day long streaming non stop and being authenticated by the visual world, the only hinderance is the belief behind the power we all face within ourselves. How deep has this governing voice been implanted within the pathways of our subconscious, showing up like pop up ads right before the big leap of faith into the room with no ceiling. Dream dismantlers, usually pertaining to an old model, a version of the self that no longer operates, yet, someone, something somewhere, still processes it and offers it up as an alternative, a long forgotten dream, memory, still wondering if you are thinking of them. It is moments like these that send me off into the wise stares of the old, thru time, seeming to stop. That is when I realize, ALWAYS remember to breath, ok this is vertical, breathing, always breath, though being underwater with out a snorkel or scuba gear could become challenging. Never forget this.

Before long, counting back from zero seems irrational. If everything is already happening, then, later, than now must be the most relative example of making changes. With each letter I am changing the future and rewriting the past. Right now, is the past, I already wrote this, but as I am writing it, this becomes present and the future. Presently I am creating a past that shall shape the future, for witch, has yet to be seen. When one can not see its future, it must do the next right thing. Everything, every little thing we do IS important, even when we choose to do nothing, it is important. There is so much going on that doing nothing is relatable for rooting down like an abandoned tree. Sometimes that is being loud. Talk can be cheap and so are mindsets. I couldn't say what shelf this mind lands on, I reckon it is in a constant state of movement. All these words are worthless unless they fall upon the right eyes, pierce the right lips, resonating into existence. Creating a bridge, if there is a reaction, both shall be changed. What I am writing has far greater purpose than I could comprehend, or it has non at all . Without sounding like an ego maniac, which I find is nearly important in order to suffocate that notion into suppression. I write now, to find my voice, I write now, to find my I am, I write now to find my way back to where I need to be. When I close my eyes it becomes all too obvious how blind I have been, how blind I still am. I know more than I care to divulge and I know far less that I could learn. I could always learn more. If we are fortunate with our Dharma we shall shift out of this, into a simpler understanding of our purpose here. That sounds crazy!!!!!! I like to imagine we are all still in school, each decision we make brings us to our next lesson/class. No one actually graduates until they acknowledge we all died yesterday, who ever those people were are merely memories we throw back and forth to each other like hot potato. It is amazing to imagine how long we stay in our minds forming conclusions about reality and all the characters within our realm. I just hope I can love myself long enough to make it.