This Is Me, And I Love Me

Chapter 1: A Home Without Safety

They say having both parents in the house is a blessing. But for me, it was a trap.

Yes, they were there physically.

But my mother was distant, almost as if her body was present but her heart and mind were long gone.

And my father? He was present in all the wrong ways loud, abusive, and violent.

He hurt all of us, my siblings, my mother. but especially me.

From a young age, I was abused not just physically, but in the deepest, most violating way a child can be hurt. I cried. I begged. I prayed for him to stop. But instead, he silenced me with threats, guilt, and fear.

I was just a child, and already, I was taught to carry shame that was never mine to begin with.

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Chapter 2: The Silence That Screamed

I wanted a father a real one. A man who protected instead of preyed.

Instead, I got threats wrapped in candy and guilt wrapped in violence.

I was told not to speak, or I'd destroy our family. But what kind of family protects a monster and abandons a child?

When the truth finally came out, I thought I’d be free. But freedom didn’t come.

Although he was gone, the pain stayed.

The silence stayed.

The loneliness stayed.

And the house still didn’t feel like home.

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Chapter 3: A Daughter in the Shadows

Living with my mother after everything felt like a punishment.

I wanted her to hold me.

She wanted me gone.

I found letters that made me question everything, notes where she spoke of me not like a daughter, but like a stray.

And still… I tried.

I stayed.

I loved her.

Even when she acted like 90% of the time, she hated me.

My heart would ache each time I saw her, wondering if she even loved me.

But I never asked.

Because I was scared, I already knew the answer.

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Chapter 4: Becoming the Person I Needed

I made a promise to myself:

I will never become them.

I would love the way I wished I had been loved.

I would speak kindness where I had been silenced.

I would protect what was once left unprotected.

My little sister became my light. I wanted her to see love in me — real love.

So I taught her what I’d learned.

Not just survival, but how to live.

How to love.

How to give, even when the world tries to break you.

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Chapter 5: Love From the Pain

The love I give is not soft because life was easy

It’s soft because I’ve felt every form of pain.

I became the person I needed.

When I wanted a hug, I gave one.

When I needed kindness, I shared it.

When I longed for love, I poured it into others.

Because somehow, loving them healed parts of me.

The love I give is the pain I lived through, turned inside out.

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Chapter 6: A Rare Kind of Love

Most people love when it's easy.

I love when it's hard.

Even after betrayal. Even after heartbreak.

Even after being treated like nothing, I still love deeply, too deeply, maybe.

Yes, I may stick around longer than I should.

Yes, I may love people who didn’t deserve it.

But that’s because my love is rare.

Not weak, rare.

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Chapter 7: This Is Me

Through everything… the pain, the abuse, the abandonment, the shame…

I found something beautiful.

Me.

And I love her.

Not because she's perfect

But because she survived.

She still shows up.

She still gives.

She still loves.

Unconditionally.

This is me.

And I love me.

I really, truly do.