Therapist

Tick tick tick tick goes the watch in a sing song voice as it makes fun of me. In front of me is Therapist he has a smug smile on his face and is happily writing away in his note book. I take a deep breath and sigh, witch catches his attention. He raises his eyebrow and his smile becomes bigger.

Is something wrong?

He says with that Cheshire smile on his stupid face. I’ve been talking for almost an hour about what ever popped into this head of mine and all he’s been doing is smiling and making noises that should only be heard during sex.

Of course there’s something wrong I just finished telling you how I’ve been suffering from anxiety. What kind of a stupid question is that?

I say as I wince while the clock ticks ticks ticks. I glance over taking in the time. The time I’ve wasted here on this fowl date. Of all dates why did he have to pick this one. It’s like he zeroed In on this date on purpose to keep my anxiety up. Here he goes he’s wound up that stupid smile of his and he’s ready to speak.

Now now there is no need to get hostile. I was only asking to see if you wanted to add something.

There goes that smug voice again. Say something he says I could tell he had already made his prognosis before I even sat down. Before I finished walking through the door. Before I took my first breath in this office. He had decided what my problem was why I was doing what I was doing why my pee was yellow and how my mommy caused me so many issues. I hate these pretentious asses. If he would of at least listened to what I was saying I think I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He starts talking again.

Tick tick tick tick is he making that sound? No he’s blabbing away about drugs and chemical imbalances. He’s so proud of himself that I feel like his arm is gonna break from the pats on his own back. No questions no follow up questions nothing just his prognosis.

What time is it? How long have I been here? That’s right it’s only been an hour, Damn it when is this day going to end! I should of just canceled this cock sucking party and stayed home like I wanted to.

So that is why you are having Anxiety issues and those drugs are going to make you feel so much better.

He says while sucking his own cock and I smile at him. I smile at him the same stupid smile he’s giving me. For a moment he’s taken a back but then he smiles back. Either he sees his own bullshit staring right back at him or he is about to get very excited and continue his self gratification.

Tick tick tick tick shut up shut up shut up! Why won’t that damn clock just shut up. Why does it have to keep calling my attention to it. Why do I have to keep looking at that darn date.

Yes it was quite simple to ascertain what was bothering you…

Fuck he’s been talking this whole time and I haven’t heard a word. It’s only fair feels like it’s payback for all the attention he paid me. Why do I need drugs what can that do for my heart that feels like a 10.0 earthquake has struck and now it is two separate countries. I should feel better now from just talking to him, yet there was nothing in those black eyes of his. It was as if those two black holes swallowed up my soul along with the tale I told.

Tick tick tick tick… damn clock. I can tell Therapist is still yakking away. He doesn’t even realize I am gone. I have taken the boat and the Ferryman is smiling at me. When was the last time someone listened someone heard someone understood? The Ferryman smiles warmly at me or am I just losing my mind. The ferryman hugs me tightly warmly it feels so good.

Tick tick tick tick Damn Date… Oh My he’s standing up and walking around the room. Therapist looks like a Shakespearean actor. It is an amazing performance I think he’s thoroughly convinced himself that he is a great Caliber Therapist. Now it’s my turn I hope the Academy is watching. I stand up with a huge smile on my face. I hug him tightly even picking him up and twirling him around. He feels really awkward as I hold him in this false embrace. I put him down and then I say,

Doc your amazing thank you so much for your brilliant prognosis. You are so right you are always right you have helped me so, helped me so much. I can’t wait til next week so I can hear so much more of what it is you have to say!

His smile is so big, it just so wide, so full of himself that he is lost in his pride. He doesn’t even see me, I leave through the door for he is already on his phone talking about how brilliant he is.

Tick tick tick tick of course you have to speak and show me the Date oh clock I just hate. The door muffles the screaming clock and I duck down a stairwell just in case. Soon I slam through an emergency type door and just like that I am out.

The cold wind caresses my skin as the rain kisses my face. Cars slosh through the water and figures splash through the puddles. I pull on my hood and wrap my coat all around. The ghostly faces pass by me as I briskly walk away, walk away from the Tower, the tower of blasé.

Slam… Splash… I hear as the phantasm bounces off me. Surprise and anger on her face that then turns to disgust as she stares through my soul. She rises and then I am gone just as quick as she blinks and just like that she is lost in her misery.

Drip drip drip falls the rain in its soothing soliloquy. Splash splash splash I go with dancing feet through puddles so grand. In goes the pure air as if a hug to my lungs just for me. Mother Nature is that you? Thanks for the embrace I needed that too. Then I remember I remember that my heart is in two, my chest is heavy so heavy it’s true.

Bong bong bong oh big clock Et tu? Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter the Dates gone too. Just like that it’s all done too. Matters just to me these stories I keep. The Dates just important just important to me and a moment of clarity a moment of me. My heart may be heavy, heavy as can be. For its only me only me that will see.