The Visionary

**Please note this is titled visionary due to the fact that the nature of this thought was created from sleep deprivation 20 years ago. At the age of 22 I was recently divorced and lost completely. I had turned to drugs and friends from high school who still or trailing behind in the adulthood department. This was not a thought out story. It was a written translation to my my nightmare meant for the introduction to a book that I was writing in order to explain myself to my parents at the time. At the age of 34 I decided to become ordained. I wanted to be able to counsel and give advice to people that like I had, we’re going through difficult times. People that didn’t have family because the family had given up on them too soon. People that without anyone in their corner would end up inevitably dead if they had kept up with the lifestyle of drugs and other promiscuous activities. I wanted to be able to provide a been there done that type of counseling service so they didn’t have to worry about paying money in order to ensure life. During my journey becoming an ordained minister I was asked if I had ever written anything that was comparable to a original thought. And the submission was what I decided to provide. The original copy of this was written in the dark diagonal in lime green ink on a piece of cardboard. And the entire thing rhymed. Comparable to the divine comedy tour as some of you may know it as Dantes inferno. Because of the time frame that this was written and then shown to the church it was something that granted me the title of visionary. Because clearly the events written have since been discovered either to have truth or to be false. Either way they have been proven as one or the other and are in no way of any question to what if any more. 2003 was when this was written. Now 2022 and at the age of 40 I have chosen to share it in hopes to not only remind myself where I’ve been. But also to remind others where they should not go. I understand that the contact is risky. And if it were written yesterday I can understand cause for concern. But being an adult and assuming that it will be read by adults, I do not think anyone with half of a mind would ever consider this to be influential or the promotion of anything but reality that sadly exists in some aspect for everyone. And it was thought by a girl that did not even know the definition of conspiracy theory let alone was even able to spell the word methamphetamine correctly. This day and age there is a huge problem with humans ability to cope with anything. We cry or whine our way through life using various Band-Aids in order to deal with the hell that is earth. When in all actuality it is us that is creating it. And it is us oh makes a thought turn into a sinister theory. Instead of being looked at as fascinating. Because the ability for a person to still have a voice and a brain and the power to connect the two in order to be heard is rare nowadays. The words written or not glorifying or promoting anything other than shame and guilt. And I think now more than ever and it’s important for us as individuals to read other things such as this in order to always remember that we still have the ability and the right to think for ourselves. It is not always that clear anymore. I am hopeful that this passes the requirements and goes through to be published. And why I have included this explanation so that the moderators are able to check time frames and clearly see that what I am saying is not only true but that the submission is no more than a poetic expression for what collective memory is. This is my story as my thought. I am not a drug addict. I am not a conspiracy theorist. I am a mother. I am a author. I am a full time human services major. And most importantly ,I am human and have the right to be heard.

“I have the right to be vocal. My sanity is dependent on this fact alone.”

I've been up longer than I have in a while. The wall of illusion is starting to come up, an all to familier occurence I use to know. I've entered the physchedelic cartoon world that once was my second home. I learned to play back with my mind. And actually met a twin Inever really got to know. I'm with her right now. Her name is "Kims Shadow". We're watching a movie which is ironically called "SPUN". A movie about a drug pretty popular right now. Meth. I mean it isn’t that bad right?! And it is what it is an hey, look at it this way, I've only been up for a few days, they've been up way longer than a week.

How do I know they're just a movie. A lower-class version of the way our life is. Of course we laugh at it, because it's just a movie....it isn't

"Real". Maybe they're being entertained tonight by “speed”, and a new movie called "Spun Too", a clean middle-class version of their life. ( can they see me?)

That's so scary to think they could be staring back at me right now. What is the actual line between reality and illusion? Do they even exist? Maybe There is no such thing. It's just another opinion that caught on. Another average "Joes" point of view.

Is it possible that this drug is temporarily allowing me to use both the conscious and sub-concious part of my brain? That we've been brain washed our whole lives by the wisdom passed on from past generations before, and through subliminal messages on T.V.. The media have been in our lives since we can remember, teaching us that devistation, tragedy, war, poverty, and murder are no different than the weather. It will always be there and different tomorrow. We're taught to care only about ourselves, family, and friends. Don't worry about anyone else’s problems. We see people in pain everyday, it doesn't even make us blink an eye. I don't give a shit, I'll admit. Do you? Maybe that is why the government is so concerned on how to keep America "drug free", and allowing people to die left and right. Maybe they're the ones responsible for holding an entire world prisoner to their own minds, and we don't even realize it. If we were not so blinded by the bright lights of a watchful image of what society should represent. Step into a shadow for a minute and realize that we are not "free". We're worse than even the poorest of countries. We are just given the opportunities to have what is necissary. They're controlling us basically by what everyone is calling "modern technology". If the police seem involved, you may be wrong. The FBI give their leads on supicious activity, maybe when needed. I find it odd that before the past year or so, we never really heard of "meth labs", and now there have been more than our grandparents have ever seen in their entire lives. They have always been there, they didn't just appear out of nowhere.

Supposively, our county is one of the worst in the state. We're small with absolutely no form of extraciricular activity available for entertainment, besides a few bars. We don't have the financial support for things like that. But, we have a really neat army tank now, to assist in "busting" all the labs. Our spare time is not spent planning for the up and coming weekend, or even on how to get laid. So, it didn’t take long for word to spread that there's a drug in town that makes you feel really good. And the best part is all the time you have already wasted, will now fly by magically. It eventually became more commonly used than pot. Or maybe I’ve just isolated myself away from the “norms”. Either way, people were getting kraked left and right. And some were going insane from not sleeping, not eating, and the constant battle with their brains about whether or not the dog across the street was staring at them. The hallucinations and paranoid non-existent conversations eventually became fun. Like I said, we have nothing to do, so when we got to messed up, and should've quit , we didn't, we just learned how to handle it...well some of us did.

You nap, you eat, you hold the gift of strong will. You now have become a true "hardcore" tweaker. And it wasn't just one or two of the labeled "junkies" in our town. It was a shit ton! And a lot of them were respected citizens. Now that you have learned how it works, why it works, and why it does what it does, you start seeing that there really isn't much of a difference between your day or the dream you had last night.

Eventually you kinda bring a little bit of each "world" back into the other. Do that, and you’ve just seen how to potentially use both sides of your brain. Granted, you're not instantly going to fully control it. Go slow, and analyze it all. Pay attention! Learn as much as you can. Wouldn't that be something if a couple of "tweakers" in a small town or even just one, were close to revieling a world altering secret, only a few pieces away from solving the universe’s puzzle . Could we even emotionally handle such a revelation? Our entire existence, our purpose for being here, how life was created, the reasoning behind it, and even our level of power is no longer something I just question because I didn't understand how it was realistically possible. I never fathomed something like this. Yet it doesn't at all suprise me. These are thoughts I've gathered over the course of my short, not so lived life. I've always been good at taking apart questionable, here-say facts, analyzing every possible logical explanation and spreading the remains out like a fan to see what I have.

Is it possible that we have been brain washed? Basically programmed to not use our brains to their entirety. Because we are some kind of experiment. We are being used like we would use lab rats. Are we all just prisoners? Controlled not by "God", but something even bigger. An obvious mastermind, to brain wash an entire world into believing they were free to be what they wanted. The possibilities were and are endless. But truthfully this has been going on for an amount of time we could never begin to figure out. And as long as we continue to advance in technology instead of humanity we will never know the truth.

And when you have begun to venture out on this new journey of mind and self to see if you can find some understanding, you are posed with even more questions pertaining to your acts of free will.

Think…

For instance, you don't even know if we are capable of having any type of our own expressions of emotion, use of our sences, or even the full extent of what we could possibly really be feeling.

Are we so helpless and blind that we've actually only been able to show, define, and express tears, laughter, fear, and happiness when it's suppose to seem fit?Kind of makes you wonder if our government has heard that not only meth, but other mind expanding "Illegal" substances may actually be causing people to see that sanity isn't real, but a definition created for the ones that were not able to be controlled. They were to advanced for that, but we out numbered them, so they were labeled "crazy", and really we are the lunatics.

We are the least intelligent. We can't even think for ourselves, and we do what we are told. How do we know the things we are taught are bad for us really are? Or are they just another one of those "rules", "We The People" are forced to follow. A genius attempt at creating a shared controlled perception.

The truth may be that there is no such thing as being sane, and drugs are removing the red tape, so to speak, and allowing us to cross the forbidden line in our minds. Once you've been there, you'll become obsessed with the capabilities. They can only bust so many labs, and put up so many road blocks until they run out of roads, and we start steering off the path to go around. That's why I believe everyone is so scared of my generation and the one’s to follow. And say that the end of the world is near. Really it is only the beginning. We'll end up in a war greater than no other, that will give an entirely new meaning to the word "DESTRUCTION".

It would be against our own government!

Our capabilities, ideas, and inventions are enough to crash this so-called "empire", and truely set ourselves free. The best weapon, lies not inside of a glass case, but within ourselves.

The full use of our brain has been an intriguing mystery for everyone to try and solve. But we invented the computer instead. We are supposively the most intelligent creatures known to man, but not enough to use our brain to its entirety. So we're told that it's just not possible.

Soon enough, it will come together, our generation is always looking for a new "toy" to tweak out on. I know this is an extremely controversial subject. I have my own theories that I have put a lot of thought into. I haven't even begun to figure out where this "real world" will fall, name wise, once reality and illusion are combined. What state of mind would that create? Maybe "ILLUSIONALITY". Or maybe we don't really have a set state of mind. We could very well always be wake-walking, and never even know it. Is it possible that we are all just characters in someone elses dream? Maybe the reason you will never see your true potential is because you are walking through life controlled by anothers mind.

We are so blind to truely view life as it should really be seen. Luckily, I found my own decision and have always been able to transfer the act of free-will from just a thought that I have been holding, into physical, written form. It may not make all that much sence to you.

But it isn’t easy to find the words for something that is almost a replica to a dream. It makes sence in your head, but it's difficult to put into words that others will comprehend as well.

I really do believe that my not so bright decision to make a spot for meth inside my already crowded vessel, I sail through life with, has ,in a way , added another book to my shelf for me to study. Don't get me wrong, this is in no way a justification to promote, encourage, or make reasoning for the use of meth or any other controlled substances . In all actuality, the only thing I've ever gained in a benificial way was the ability to be a deep thinker. (The original copy of this “Tripp-Losophy” was written on one of my infamous "tweak boards", I would geek out on for hours.

Once I wrote this down, my brain became a new tweak board. I hope to continue on my way, to have my own opinions, beliefs, and obsession to always remember what I stand for, despite others. And never lose sight of the answers I am obbsessively looking for, or forget what questions I want to ask. And never dwell on the faded pages I have for the last time turned. This is going to be the first time that I have ever voiced a thought this powerful, deep, and important to me. I am extremely passionate about the words you are reading and the ones to come. This will not become just another pointless "mission" I have accepted. Although it may be without an ending. But it really didn't have a beginning either.

I am deffinately not an inventor, or a carpenter. But, I strongly believe I have the potential to be greatly remembered, and admired. Not because I invented Microsoft, but because I had a thought and wanted someone to hear it. I am a different kind of genius that will know or be looking for all there is to know about the forbidden, unmentionable topics. I in no way shape or form want what you have just read to be mistaken for another attempt to brain wash current or new generations the way I believe we were. In fact, what the purpose is couldn't be farther from what you may already be doing. I don't want people to believe what this is saying and follow me. I want you to experience your own act of free-will and voice it. I don't want you to have faith in, or pretend to get it. The “Tripp-Losophy” should not be your story of "Jesus". You may make some sence of what I'm saying, it may even resemble thoughts you yourself have had.

Good.

Don't be a follower, lead.

What you are reading is not a proven fact, it's my idea of what might be. Just like "Jesus" or "God". How can I lead an entire existence into my church to preach the word of "Kim", when I myself am still trying to find the "church". I have put thoughts in your head and made you start questioning what has been taught to you as existence. I have made enough kraks in my skull to now let others see what I'm about. I want you to think. And I've given you something you will forever be thinking about. You will try, just as I have, to make it researched, and able to be understood, so the seriousness of it will be apparent.

Soon enough everyone will begin to realize that it is a more exciting, useful, and impacting way to waste time. There's no telling what you may find. We've never looked for the opening to the other side of our brain. If you start on this quest, obsession will end up being the start of the true meaning of freedom, happiness, and individuality.

Even if it seems unimportant, for the thought to appear is reasoning enough to express it. Know all you can, and never settle. Make it important! Always leave a mark on everyone you meet. Walk away knowing that they may not believe, agree, or understand what you said, but they are trying to make sence of it. And now you have them not believing in what you do, but questioning what they do. There's your impact.

If it seems confusing, ask yourself what just happened.............

….If what we know now as being wrong, and everything we've ever done was never even an issue, and we didn't need the support we feel we have to have as validation from others. We spend our entire lives following the rules and restrictions that another human being thought was proper. Why was someone else put in charge of determinning what we would sub-conciensly follow? That's what we were raised to do. Maybe the reason we are forced to obey the beliefs, and way of living, what is not acceptable behavior, was needed or more seemingly realistic because the thought of having a leader was more practical. They lacked the knowledge, and technology to create a world by themselves, or maybe they felt it would be easier. Times obviously have past. The things we know now, and still are in the process of discovering are unbelievable. We can't even begin to fathom the aquired brain power we have the potential to gain. This world would turn up-side down. We are constantly complaining about laws, and of course, taxes, welfare, ect. Why do we continue to do it? We don't need our government to help in screwing us more than they already have. The amount of people that would agree with what I am saying would easily be able to take over our government. They can't take us all on. I understand that by doing this, at first, would create riots and chaos, because to some this is a chance to do whatever they want.

But, over time, to the new generations to come,this would be "life". The imperfections would eventually be dealt with just as they are now. I never realized the world was so weak and or scared to death of not following the set ways of another. That would be a change which would require effort from us, though. The reason for this not yet occurring is nobody's fault but our own. We really don't pay real close attention, if any to what is truely going on. I'm not talking publicized media slaughtered bullshit. I mean the actual events that occur that have lead up to getting it on the news. The majority of Americans are either pro/con on a war they don't even understand. In all actuality, this is our country, we are individuals fully capable of creating a life we see as appropriate for ourselves, children, and others we care for. I personally don't really care if my neighbor is partying, going to church, or sleeping around, as long as it's not affecting me or my family. That honestly is our right.

I am sick of the act that everyone pulls. This image of what society should be. Who made the decision that after proper education, we are eventually suppoes to have a family of our own to raise? Maybe we are not even meant to commit to one person, and the act of reproduction was not only intended for those who were married, but for us to prevent the reoccurence of extinction. The Bible could be just another persons idea of what they felt was acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Laws. Population was a lot less back then, so it was not hard to have others follow in the word of "God". When really it is not much different than what you are reading right now.

Maybe someday my personal theories and un-proven facts, that are suppose to be accepted as "miracles of life", will be written and will have everyone defying all laws associated with "God", serving "Him", and worshipping "Him", and Heaven and Hell. Wouldn't that cause quite the stir. Anybody, in my opinion anyways, who can actually accept the complexity of "Man", not to mention the ability to almost effortlessly reproduce another being just as complex, that was given to us, the mysteries still left unsolved pertaining to outer space, and even the actual world we live in, as being the finished product of a “man”, that for who knows how long, was just chillin', where? We don't know, cause nothing had been created yet. And then all of a sudden, what did he get lonely and decide "hey, I'm going to make a man, and maybe a tree or two and we'll see what happens." Hello?! Are we really that nieve to strongly believe and spend our entire lives accepting that this is what happened? Haven't you ever stepped out of the line and asked yourself, who created "Him"? Obviously whoever created us, intended for us to be nothing more than followers. And those who were "different" were ignored because they were obviously "WHAKED"!

Why is it that the ones who are considered "normal", are the ones who believe in a fictional character easily able to be compared to Santa Clause, or the Easter bunny. We are so advanced in technology that we can actually clone a human being. Maybe that was how life was created. We are another planets advancement in technology. And Mars will have their entire population, one day, searching for the reasoning, and creator of their existence. And maybe aliens do exist, but they are not more intelligent, but the opposite to our planet. Could they have created us? And that is why the government keeps information from us. They don't want us knowing that we could have total control of all existence. Bogus isn't ?

Just something to think about.

Perceptions.Yours isn’t the only one.