The Most Toxic Personality Type in The World

How do we identify narcissists? More importantly, how do we tackle them?

For those who are unfamiliar with the term:

A narcissist is a person who thinks and acts as if the world revolves around them.

• They manipulate and control people around them.
• They are power hungry and desperate for attention.
• They have an exaggerated sense of superiority, grandeur and entitlement. A sense much more heightened that your average egotist.
• They believe that everything and everyone exists for their benefit.
• They are perfect and everyone else is at fault.
• If they do anything wrong, it’s because they were provoked and hence their actions were justified.
• They are always the victim in their own eyes.
• They charm people at first, only to discard them once their own needs are met.

We have all known a few, if not dozens of, narcissists in our lives. It might be a friend, a relative, a colleague or even a partner.

Some of us are able to identify them through experience. Others are either oblivious to the concept or their circumstances make it difficult to escape those monsters.

Yes, I’m going to call them monsters because they drain energies, break confidence, exploit vulnerable people in unimaginable ways and basically ruin lives.

Narcissists are sociopaths

Narcissists are usually very intelligent and extremely perceptive. They will quickly find your strengths and weaknesses, unless you are cautious.

Then they’ll decide whether or not you’ll be a suitable supply for their needs, based on your social status, finances, temperament, vulnerabilities and many other factors.

Napoleon was a narcissist.

Anyone familiar with history knows about his over-ambitious exploits. He married Josephine purely due to her social standing standing which helped him fulfil his political dreams.

What many don’t know is his past relationship with Desiree, his innocent fiancee whom he just left hanging, without showing the basic courtesy of breaking up with her.

Silent hijackers

Once a narcissist decides to target you, they’ll infiltrate your life and manipulate your every move to their advantage.

Initially, they’ll befriend you and pretend to go out of their way to help you. That’s how they establish your trust, then they wait for the right moment to strike.

Think of Petyr Baelish (Littlefinger) from Game of Thrones.

He made a fool of Ned Stark and misguided him in a foreign land, only to betray him. Throughout the series, he manipulated and exploited Sansa Stark, years younger than him. Made her revenge all the more sweet!

Mirroring and love bombing

Narcissists will use these two methods to lure their victims and mesmerize them.

First, they will mirror your behaviour and actions, faking common interests with you. It’ll make you perceive them as a compatible friend, partner or colleague.

Next, they will shower you with excessive attention, admiration and flattery to make you feel like the most special person on the planet. This is the love bombing phase.

They will gradually get you addicted to their presence. You’ll start craving their company because noone else can make you feel as wonderful about yourself as they can.

Once they have you under their spell, the actual exploitation starts.

Master of gaslighting

All narcissists use gaslighting to control and exploit their victims.

Gaslighting is a technique to psychologically manipulate someone and make them doubt their own perception, judgement and sense of reality.

Narcissists will twist facts to make it appear as if your recollection of events is flawed and theirs is the truthful version.

These are some common phrases uses by them.

• That’s not how it happened, you’re so forgetful.
• Don’t be silly! It’s all in your mind.
• You are paranoid.
• You are imagining things.

Once you start doubting yourself, they’ll swoop in and pretend to come to your rescue. You’ll become emotionally dependent on them for validation.

Through gaslighting, narcissists are able to make their victims blindly follow their instructions. As a victim, you will be doing it willingly, with full conviction that they have your best interests in mind.

Devaluation and social isolation

At some point, victims of narcissistic abuse realize that things aren’t right and they start questioning their abuser. That’s when the emotional abuse starts.

This is probably the worst phase of all.

Narcissists fear losing their control on you. So, whenever you refuse to do their bidding, they insult and rebuke you for being immature and irrational.

• They will find faults with you at every step and constantly pick fights.
• They will ensure to ruin any day that’s special or important to you.
• They’ll discourage you from pursuing hobbies or good opportunities, because you should be constantly available at their beck and call. However, they’ll never be available for you.
• What’s worse, they’ll try to isolate you from your friends and family so that you are unable to get any good advise or assistance from outside.

Narcissists systematically ruin the confidence and self-esteem of their victims, draining them of all energy and good judgement.

Many victims, especially if romantically involved with the narcissist, are driven to chronic anxiety and depression due to prolonged abuse.

Backlash and smear campaigns

Victims who are about to end their contact and relationship with the narcissist are faced with severe backlash and sometimes physical rage.

If the victim has already escaped their abuser, they are often harassed and stalked by the narcissist, who might claim that the victim is the one stalking them.

They go around spreading vicious lies about the victim, trying every possible means to tarnish their reputation, while gaining sympathy from others.

It might take a long time for this phase to end because the narcissist isn’t one to give up and allow the victim to get away easily. It’s a major defeat for them.

How to deal with narcissists

We might wonder, how can a person be this evil?

But that’s how narcissists are, they get wired this way!

Perhaps a childhood abuse, series of emotional abuses or getting raised by narcissists — whatever the cause might be, the narcissist grows up to be a psychologically damaged person.

They become incapable of feeling positive emotions like love, happiness, kindness, gratitude, etc.

In their eyes, the tactics they employ are not wicked at all. It’s what normal people are supposed to do. They simply don’t know any other way.

These people can never be fixed, even if you shower them with love and affection. They live solely for themselves, everyone else is either their supply or their enemy.

The only way to deal with a narcissist is to stay away from them.

Don’t let them enter your life. When you spot one, run away as far as possible.

If you’re already involved with one, start detaching from them gradually without letting them realize it.

If it’s an unavoidable situation, like having a narcissist for a boss, avoid all conflicts and interact as less as possible. Set clear boundaries and eventually look for that job change.

Never let them know that you’re onto them.

Remember, it’s futile to fight a narcissist unless you are in a higher position of power than them.

So save your time, preserve your energy and get out of anything that appears to be toxic in nature. You deserve better!