The Knock on the Door that Changed My World

It was late and my kids had gone to bed hours before. I was thinking of turning in myself. A sudden knock on the door made me look up from my keyboard. It was a gentle knock, almost as if it wasn’t there.

“Did you hear a knock?” I asked my husband.

“No, maybe that racoon has come back.” My husband went to check our trash cans were secured in place.

When he was gone, I heard the same knocking sound again. A little more forceful this time. It was definitely a knock.

Who would be knocking on our door at 10.30 at night?

I went to the hallway and peeped out the window. A small shape stood on our doorstep and I heard whimpering. The shape looked familiar but I couldn’t place who it was in the dark. Our porch light is broken right now.

I opened the door and a form fell into my arms.

“Lizzy, I can’t take it anymore.” My friend Abigail (Not her real name) was sobbing in my arms.

I froze in my spot, and just held her as she cried.

“Honey.” My husband called after me.

“Yeah, I’m here. Can you make some herbal tea?”

“Sure thing.” My husband peeked through the hallway and saw me with a sobbing Abigail. He disappeared into the kitchen without a word.

“Let’s get you inside and you can tell me all about it.” I murmured and we hobbled into the house. I noticed that she was limping and favored her left side. Alarm bells screamed in my ears and I got this awful feeling in my stomach.

I settled my friend on the sofa and brought her a box of tissues allowing her a few minutes to pull herself together. This was unlike her, to show up this late at night.

Abigail took her time, but I’ve been crying at her house many times in the past, so I copied what she normally does for me. It felt strange, seeing my friend distraught. It was so unlike her.

“It’s Chris.” (Not his real name) She sniveled. “He, uhm. (sob) He is hurting me.” The sobs started up again and this time I moved closer and hugged her. She flinched and retracted her right arm. My sick feeling intensified. I knew without knowing what she was going to say. Her body was screaming at me for help. I knew that feeling and my heart broke into pieces for my friend.

My husband surfaced with two cups of chamomile tea. He set them on the table and quietly retreated into the den. Without being asked he returned with a pillow and some bedding. I nodded a silent thanks.

I knew it was going to be a long night. Abigail needed me.

“Abs, where are the girls?” (She has five-year old twins)

“They’re staying at moms tonight. I went for a drive. Lizzy, I can’t do it anymore.”

I held my friend for a long time while the sobs took over her slim body. I noticed she had lost weight. She wasn’t normal Abs anymore. Guilt took over me as I racked my brain over how long it had been since I saw her. Was it last week or the week before that we met in the park?

“Talk to me Abs. What’s going on?”

My friend started talking in between sobs about her husband, Chris who’s been hitting her. It started when he lost his job, and got worse. He’d hit her once before when the girls were babies but apologized quickly. Abs didn’t know what to think and believed him. She told me Chris had started drinking heavily and gambling away all their savings after he got laid off. Now, she was scared every time he returned home. She showed me her bruises but refused to let me take her to the ER.

We stayed up talking until way past 2am. We made a plan for her to leave Chris, and move in with her mom and dad. I advised her not to return home and to give me the key to pack up their stuff when Chris was out.

Domestic violence happens everywhere but it’s hard to spot it, unless it’s obvious. Heck, I’m a trauma survivor and I missed it. Abs had never shown me the bruises and when she said Chris was working late at a bar, I believed that he was working and not drinking himself stupid.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is when someone in a relationship or family hurts or controls another person to scare or dominate them.

Domestic violence can include physical, emotional, sexual or financial abuse.

Anyone can experience domestic violence, no matter of their background.

Domestic violence is never your fault.

If you are experiencing Domestic Violence, reach out to family, friends or a doctor. There is more help out there too. Here is a number you can call 800-799-7233. This is the domestic violence hotline and it’s toll free.

Here are 12 signs of Domestic Abuse:

1. Violent, threatening or controlling behavior to make a partner feel scared and unsafe.

2. Humiliation and constant criticism.

3. Sudden signs of anxiety and fear.

4. Inappropriate clothing for the season (Long sleeves in hot weather to hide bruises and injuries).

5. Change in job performance: errors, slowness, lateness, absenteeism, lack of concentration.

6. Emotional distress; like sadness, depression, or suicidal thoughts.

7. Isolating the victim.

8. Acting as if they own their partner.

9. Lying to make themselves look good.

10. Dominating conversations.

11. Checking up with constant texts and phone calls.

12. Suggesting they are the victim.

Abuse must stop. If you know of anyone who is experiencing abuse at home. Please report it.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a mom, teacher and trauma survivor.

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