the household.

sitting here in despair, while I write this story with constant tears rolling down my face. I ask myself everyday heavy heartedly, "why me? " " why do I have to go through this?" its just as if the pain had a toll on me. I'm only 16, I should be somewhere having fun with my friends but yet, here I am in my dark room writing about my hurt. I know that living in this HOUSEHOLD will only bring me pain, with my mom toxic actions, my siblings dreadful, and deceitful ways. Sometimes I feel as if I deserve to feel this way, but that's only because of my mother belittling ways. My mother come off as this kind, caring women to other people in her space, yet she's an imposter in my eyes. I am her only child that feels this way about her because I'm the one she hates the most.

One day me and my sister had gotten into an heated disagreement and without hearing my side, my mother yells at me and even tried to kick me out. My mother couldn't do anything physical to me at that moment because she was at work, But I know she wanted to from the tension in her voice. After the call I went and took a nap to avoid the drama I knew my mom would bring when she had gotten off. I was 20 minutes in my nap until I heard loud footsteps, I knew them footsteps from anywhere. My mom rushed in my room and woke me up to take my device and in confusion I asked her " why are you taking my phone and not my sisters" and she responds " why are you worried about her ". In that moment I just gave the phone up not wanting to argue anymore.

I feel as if deep down inside no one knows the real me, and what I go through. I hate that my life is so depressing, I hate that I have to walk on eggshells around my own family, and what I hate the most is knowing I'm alone in this world I never asked to be in.

I want to be happy, that's really all I've ever really wanted. My life Isn't so ideal right now and I know it won't be for a while as long as I'm living in this HOUSEHOLD. It's almost over, ill be 18 next year because this year I'm turning 17. When I'm 18 I'm going to make sure I move as far away as I possibly could. I want to start a new life with more positive people and people that actually loves me.

It breaks my heart knowing that the most painful part of my life would be living with my mother and her deceitful kids, I'm so tired of her making me feel like an outsider. While I'm living here I know that I cant better myself because I'm consistently reminded of things I did in the past.

I wish that I could go back in time to when I was younger and see where I went wrong. When I was younger I was more happier, always full of life and I loved being around my family. If I could re live my younger life id do so much better and make better decisions surrounding myself around people that I know actually love and care about me. I know one day I will be happy. I have 494 days until I'm 18, and 494 days until I'm able to be more happier with life and myself.