The First Freeze & Forever

I used to love skating on the ice when our pond would freeze over in the winter, but right now it’s is just a pond of water and not ice. It’s so hot out and I’m thinking about taking a dip.

Then I saw Hyde, the neighbors grandson. We played together every summer over the years. He was a couple years older than me. This year he showed up a man! I myself had already filled out after starting my moon time last year. Basically, we both had something new to present to each other.

I can’t lie, our child like ways were waning, and real feelings were setting in. We would write letters to keep in touch through out the year, so that every summer when we reunited it’s like we never missed a beat. We had so many things in common; we both whole heartedly believe we are way before our time. It’s humorous sometimes, and other times it’s gruesome. Polar opposites , it’s never just “okay” when it comes to us. I mean its 1933, so a lot of the theologies and analogies about life seem so over due for us.

Our so called society is damned! Germany has people walking into gas chambers because of their hair and eye color. It’s rumored to be about religion too.

Here in America, we literally draw a line between white and black. Like if you really think about it, we don’t get to choose what we are issued at birth, and further more, why would a loving God create us all, for us all to fight about how he created us? Make that make sense .

Like I said before Hyde and I share similar thoughts and emotions about it all and we inadvertently stand on opposite sides of the fence, if you know what I mean. I’m white; he’s black. I’m sure you can imagine the construct of our relationship, sneaking around, not being able to court openly.

I’ve even had to use his families mail box over the years to send and receive letters with Hyde. We don’t want to draw attention to our relationship. Not only could it result in our mail being intercepted by the racist towns people that sort our mail, but our families homes can be ransacked by folks angry about a little white girl, and a colored boy so closely smitten.

This summer, before Hyde came in from New York, my parents sat me down and gave me the TALK. We all know what talk I’m speaking of. They suggested I start hanging more with my girlfriends over the summer break, as opposed to Hyde. They insisted we were both at that age of curiosity and they told me that today in society we wouldn’t be accepted. They explained it would be hard to get adequate work and housing, being a biracial couple.

What my parents didn’t understand, with their southern perspective, is that in New York the dreaded future they portray for southern biracial couples simply does not exist. In New York it is frowned upon to judge people based off of the color of their skin, but I never speak up in these situations with my parents. And so I let them say what they had to say, as I day dreamed about the faces of my future mulatto (mixed) Yankee (northern) babies.

Apparently Hyde’s grandparents had a similar chat with him judging by the seriousness in his expression. “They had the talk with you too?” I asked. He gave me a sheepish grin and embraced my petite body into his loving grasp. “How did you know?” he asked, as he nuzzled his face into my hair inhaling the scent of my latest shampoo. “The seriousness on your face told me everything” I said, as I looked up to gaze into his eyes. “Everyone always says I look serious all the time, and you always prompt things that haven’t even been mentioned yet” he said with one eyebrow cocked. “First of all it’s called common sense Hyde, and I read your body language, plus my parents talked to me too” I said. “They did, what did they say?” Hyde asked anxiously. I looked at him and leaned in for a kiss, in my head thinking none of it even mattered.

That night under the stars and beside the pond was the first time either one of us made love. In that moment I decided I never wanted to let Hyde go, even if that means I would have to let everyone else go to keep him.

As we crept up from the backyard trying not to be obvious, we seen my parents were at Hyde's grandparents yelling back and forth about us. It became obvious quick that tempers were rising. We heard it all, we thought, until tonight. It turns out that they saw us by the pond, like they seen everything. At first I was mortified, but that quickly turned into rage when I was told I couldn’t spend my every waking moment with Hyde this summer.

I cried. I yelled. I screamed. I trashed my room, then cleaned it up, embarrassed and quite shocked at my own outburst. As I was cleaning a daunting idea crossed my mind, sending shear ice down my spine. I stuffed my pillows under my bed sheets to give the appearance of me in bed asleep, like I did all summer, before sneaking out my window and off to find Hyde.

“They are going to know it was us” Hyde said to me after I explained my plan, “but how could I do that, they are my grandparents” he added. “Look Hyde they said out of their own mouths I’m just a little cracker girl dying to ruin my life with you. How am I dying to ruin something I’m willing to eliminate everything for? You know they pretty much said in lesser words , Hyde is going to ruin Bonnie's life, like clearly they think low of you.” I bit my lip, hoping I was lighting a fire somewhere inside of Hyde. “Look I already know it’s a lot to take in, but it only took me HEARING what my folks had to say about you for me to be OK with what I’m about to do. When I cut the power out to your house start wrecking it, make loud noises, hell, ring the cowbell for all I care.” I took a deep breath and lowered my voice, “I got the rest.” “But what about your people,” Hyde asked. “Oh, I began the process at dinner.” “Bonnie!, began the process?! You’re starting to make me believe you had this planned way earlier than tonight,” Hyde said. “I’ve been planning this ever since the night by the pond, after our families fought,” and with that I kissed him on the forehead and went missing into the dark, I heard him shut his window as I walked off.

I went to my parents house and straight into their room to check and see their condition. My mother was in her bed, purple. That means she no longer breathing. I walked past the foot of the bed, on towards the bathroom, where I found dad slumped over on the pot. “What a shitty way to die poops, I mean pops,” saying aloud, wondering to myself when and where I developed such dark humor. I went into the kitchen, grabbed the white oleanders I had picked in the woods, and toss them in the trash. “How can adults could be so clueless?” I asked myself. I told my mother that I would pick a fresh flower arrangement to put as a centerpiece for the table tonight. Really I had already picked the flowers the night before, and the flowers had been soaking in my folks after dinner milk all day long. I scattered the house into mass disarray and painted racial slurs on the walls, creating a scene straight from Helter Skelter itself. I found my dad’s revolver and tucked it beneath my arm, time to eliminate the rest so that Hyde can be all mine.

I crept up the path behind Hyde's house looking for the electricity box that I knew ran out underneath the big oak tree on the edge of his grand parents back yard. When I found the power box I quietly opened the old rusty thing, reached up wrapped my hand around the lever. I quickly yanked the lever down causing the power to shut off. I heard his grandfather say to his grandmother, “how did that happen?” she asked. “I don’t know, I heard nothing earlier on the radio about a storm or power outages,” she replied. “Well let me go look at the power box,” his grandfather said. I then I heard music playing very loud, followed by glass shattering. I seen a lamp fly out the front window, causing that to shatter, as well, when it hit the ground.

I went into Hyde’s grandparents house through the back door that Hyde had left unlocked for me. I slowly walked up the hallway, barely breathing from anticipation. Hyde’s grandfather came out of his and Hyde’s grandmothers room and began walking towards the front of the house. I moved up the hallway and right behind him. I put the gun to his head, he lifted his hands, I said “don’t turn around.” “Bonnie?,” I pulled the trigger.

I then went directly into his grandmother’s room. She looked directly at me. She said “Bonnie, what are you doing here?,” I lifted the revolver and said, “making Hyde mine,” and I pulled the trigger.

I told Hyde to grab the fitted sheet and top sheet from his or his grandparents room, and then I helped him roll their bodies up. I grabbed some yarn from his grandmother’s yarn basket and preceded to wrap their bodies, causing it to look like there was two giant cocoons in the middle of Hyde’s front living room. I told him to find some permanent markers, or spray paint, and start to deface his grandparents very own property. “Hey Bonnie, do you know when the first freeze is?” he asked. “Yes, this weekend,” I replied. “Well that's three days from now, what is your plan?” he asked. “There’s some chains I pulled from my dad’s garage, and a couple anchors I brought up from his Jon boats that sit on the edge of the pond, we're going to hook the chains to the anchors and put them into the pond by boat, then when the freeze comes this weekend they will freeze at the bottom, we will be long gone and the town won't know about those bodies until spring,” I said as I stared directly into Hyde’s eyes. “I want you to know you’re the only person I would have ever done this for. I also pray it sends a message to others that decided to alienate their loved ones that decided to follow out a bi-racial relationship.” My heart swelled up and my eyes began to mist, this man always gets with his revolution talk. “I feel the same exact way and I pray that our children and theirs to come never have to face the demoralizing things we did,” I replied. “Come on, let's go sink their bodies, and then you and I have some disappearing of our own to do,” I said as I slipped my little hand into Hyde’s own.

We left town in my dad's town car, as opposed to the pick up. We thought we would blend in better in New York sporting an up to date model car instead of a noisey truck. I had grabbed my mom’s birth certificate before we left and he took his grandfathers. We heard that up north there's plenty of scammers that knew how to recreate these documents to make it seem as if we are completely different people, with completely different identities, social security numbers, passports, the works. All we needed was someone’s actual birth certificates to alter and $50, the con artists would handle the rest.

Before we left I took my Dad’s brief case of money he kept is his lock box under his bed, which contained a sizable amount of funds I was sure would be enough to set us up next to start, we would have to find work to maintain. All we had to do now was get there. As Hyde drove 95 north I stared into the night sky recounting everything that just took place, and the journey to come. I finally have Hyde all to myself I thought and a calming warmth fluttered in my stomach. “Oh my,” I said aloud grabbing my stomach. It couldn’t be, I thought with a smile. I leaned forward etching our initially, plus for ever, on the fogged glass.

B…..N…..H…..4…..E

Bonnie n Hyde 4 ever, it read.

I looked down at my hand laying across my stomach and thought, I will never let you imagine, perceive, or experience the racism those people tried to force onto me and your Daddy Hyde, “why are you holding your stomach, are you okay?,” Hyde said, interrupting my thoughts. “I believe I felt flutters,” I said. “What’s the matter, do you need to fart, are you scared?” “No I don’t need to fart!, And no I am not scared, I’m pregnant.”

He smiled and stared ahead while driving.

And just like that, we drove 95 north into the night, and on to better days.