The End Of A Shitty Story

It has been four exhausting years. I hoped by now you would be gone, leaving no trace behind. Although you appear to be gone for good, I see you lurking in the shadows. You try to remain hidden but you’re failing miserably at doing so.

You pretend I am nothing to you, but your actions say I am everything. No matter what you do, you find a way to involve me in your life. Whether it be writing or drawing, even a post of a book I am reading, you find a way to compare us. Taking my life and what I do, twisting it all to fit your narrative of me being the issue, or as in your words the villain, while you play the victim.

We try to ignore you; we laugh at your attempts to cause harm. We reached out several times trying to reach a middle ground, to resolve and understand the issues that still remain unknown to us. Yet we are met with an ignored message, blocked once again until you unblock us hoping we reach out again. But why? Why should we reach out again, when you will repeat the same cycle, using our kindness to have something to twist, something to use against us? Something to keep our names in your mouth. Claiming we are the ones who are toxic, specifically me.

You claim I ruined the relationship with your brother, I tore your family apart. The truth is you did that to yourself. He took your side once, leaving me when I needed him more than ever. But thankfully, he saw the truth. He learned who you really are and what your true intentions were. When he was still dating who he was before he met me, you acted the same way. The issue is not me; it wasn’t his ex either, or it would not have been whoever else he may have ended up with if he had not met me. The issue is you, it has always and will always be you. And what we don’t understand is why? Why cause drama and make issues when they are none on our side, when there should have never been issues to begin with. Is it out of jealousy, do you wish your brother spoke to you more, do you wish he was with someone else who you approved of, or is it simply because you’re a hateful person? I suppose this will remain unknown since we will never be able to conversate about the issues that you have.

We have had conversations in the past, which seemed to play on a loop. The same conversation but never a different outcome. I opened up to you to show you I was serious about making changes and hoping to build a relationship with you. I told you things I don’t tell many others, and unfortunately for me the things I told you became twisted words that you used as writing inspiration. That is why it was necessary for me to cut you out once again a year and a half ago. If the tables flipped and you opened up to me only for me to flip your words using them on a social media platform for others to read, you would not had been too pleased. I am sure you won’t be happy with me publishing this, but you have written and published about me, take this as a taste of your own medicine, do as you please with it.

You call me a narcissist, but that is another thing I cannot understand. How? I wish you would inform me how I am a narcissist. I try to remain out of the eyes of others, I hate attention and I just prefer my life to be simple and quiet. I don’t like my accomplishments and big life events to be a big thing, I do not try to take attention from others or steal their spotlights, and if you feel like I have ever done so to you, I am unaware of it. But another hard truth is if either, you or I, is a narcissist it would be you. I never made my now husband choose between you or me, the wedding or remaining with me when I was pregnant, that was you. You gave him the ultimatum and he made a bad choice. “If you’re still dating her, you can’t come to my wedding.” The funny thing with that though, is even with proof and him showing me the text that you sent him, you still claim you never said so. It seems everything has to be about you and has to go your way for you to be happy. Is that part of why you are mad today, are you angry he came back to me, to the family he created? Do you resent me because you’re no longer on this pedistool you made for yourself in his life, that his daughter is now on top? Are you upset we gave your parents their first grandchild? Upset because when you were trying to tell them about your job and traveling you were met with less and less interest as they passed photos of your niece around? (Those were your words, not mine.) And even if that plays part in your resentment towards me today, that’s not my fault, I didn’t hold a gun to your parent’s head making them do that.

You have made things difficult for me, coming into your family and feeling welcomed. It seems a lot of your family members are sheep and foolishly believe the fictional tales you spread about me. Because of you doing so, many of them refuse to even meet me, making it up in their minds that I am this terrible person you have portrayed me as. While this issue used to bother me in the past, it no longer does. My husband, your brother, has indefinitely removed these people from his life, and they have now lost a member of their family due to their own actions, thanks to you. I have seen, well, you made sure I saw when you sent me links to things online that were posted publicly to attempt to cause me pain, the things your family have said about me. These people who don’t even know me calling me “psycho”, and claiming I am jealous of you and talking about how I need mental health help. But honestly, I feel like they were describing you, maybe you’re painting yourself as me attempting to hide your true colors making people believe it’s me instead who is monstrous. But if that’s what you need to do to sleep at night, continue on. You no longer hurt me; in the end you’ll only be stabbing yourself.

The truth always comes out, and karma is a bitch. I could write all day about this situation and write about my feelings and get everything out. But this was therapeutic enough. Unlike you, I will not spend my precious time to continue to write and publish about you, I will not create a “poetry” page and write about you daily. After this, you will no longer cross my mind. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone because those who matter the most to me know the truth. Those who matter the most know who I truly am. I’m not as lonely as you like to believe I am either, in fact I am surrounded and loved by many. Quality over quantity, that’s what’s important.

But with all that I have said, there will never be another conversation between us. There will never be another apology leave my mouth for things I didn’t do. There will never be another holiday we sit in the same room together. You no longer have an older brother, or a niece from us. You will never get the chance to meet our future children. But most importantly you no longer hold a place in my head, you will never get written about again, I will never reach out to you again to solve issues, and you will never get to play part in making my anxiety high or causing me hurt.

Stories always come to an end. When the book ends you decide you either love it or hate it. This is a book I will never pick up again, one that stays hidden on the shelf to collect dust and eventually forgotten about. I will begin a new story now, one that doesn’t include you.