Stigmas of mental illness

Stigmas of Mental Illness

As far as I can remember, I was always an eclectic individual. I wore colorful clothes as a child and teenager. I beat to my own drum and had my own quirks. When it came to school, I bonded with my teachers rather than the other students my own age. I had a very hard time communicating. I was always very anxious. Don’t get me wrong, I was in the top of my class academically and in 11 clubs and activities in my senior year but I still had internal issues.

I always knew I was different. I just did t realize my not being a typical human being; to be politically correct; until I was an adult. I have suffered from OCD and anxiety for over 20 years. Until about two years ago I kept it a hidden, deep, dark secret. It was a very lonely and rough period of time for me. The stigmas of mental illness scared the breath right out of my chest. The fear of judgment and humiliation was debilitating. Every night I would lay in bed and my head would race and race like a race car on a racetrack going 300 mph. It took forever to fall asleep. It was almost an unattainable task every evening. I had a hard time w attachment issues due to getting obsessed with a single person ie my father and finding the need and compulsion to call him every day to make sure he was ok. The obsession arose from his prior heart attack. It took 10 years to get over that fear and obsession. Then I became obsessed with texting my spouse “drive safe” every morning and night due to a prior accident she had when of course coincidentally I didn’t say it that day. Then I became obsessed with a friend of mine because of fear of rejection and not being good enough for her. These obsessions were very unhealthy and caused an insurmountable amount of undue stress. I had many issues with numbers and repeat checking as well as being perfect. Eventually, after being terrified for years, I decided I had to be happy and face my fears. I secretly started seeing a therapist 2 years ago and explained my concern for being judged and the stigma that goes along with mental illness. I’ll never forget what she said to me. “You have to be happy for you and only you and live the best life you can live no matter what other people think.” Those words changed my life forever. I went from the denial of having the comorbidity of two mental disorders to admitting and embracing them. I now help others with anxiety, OCD and depression and advocate as much as I can to get rid of the stigmas. I have a brother on the autism spectrum which also has a stigma tied to it and he is no stigma at all. He is a very intelligent young man who just has a hard time w socializing and expressing his feelings. He is a big reason why I have a degree in psychology and run a game club for children and adults on the autism spectrum.

We have to learn to celebrate and embrace ourselves and the footprints we leave on this planet along the way. There is no such thing as a “normal” person. In fact, our sheer uniqueness is what makes us special. I no longer live in fear and silence and I try to make a positive difference in someone’s life every day. Breaking the stigma of mental illness is a team effort but all it takes is starting with changing the opinion of one person. Be who you are meant to be; not for anybody else but you. It is your life and your health and happiness are priority. Don’t let any person’s opinion alter your perception of yourself. Stay strong and you will forever feel free.