SOUL LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER

Hello Child,

With regard to your first question, if you can grasp and know the totality of your Being-all of the layers, and most importantly, the Divine within, then you know who you are. The Divine is living through you-all your motivations, thoughts, and actions are the Divine vibrations playing out in your unique being-separate but connected to all. You get to decide what to do, think, and feel. Remember that your will and your intention are the most powerful forces in the universe. What corrupts the Self is the blindness to all these layers of Being. If you have faith in the core of who you are beyond all that you "know," then you have what you need to trust.

Today I am struggling with the fear of death-not for myself, but I do not want you all to be in pain-like the pain I was in when your dad died. I would not wish that on anyone. I want to protect you all from that. That is one of the reasons to read the Bhagavad Gita. The question is, how do we fight these battles of life? How do we go against family and friends to do what we think is right? Krishna provides all the answers. He says that the soul is indestructible, can never die, so there is no need to worry or fear. Ok-I know that, but when faced with the reality of dying and leaving my family, I don't know anything but sadness. I know this is probably the fear and voice of trauma in my anxiety. If I were listening to the Divine, I would know that everything is going to be ok no matter what. I would know it and feel it in the depths-but it's all a practice, isn't it?

The next book I want to read is Rilke-Letters to a Young Poet. Too many books, so little time.

With regard to question number 2-the only thing we can count on is change-cliché, but true-but there is the core of us that doesn't change no matter how much weight is gained or lost, if limbs fall off, if organs are removed, if thoughts change. Our moods change, constantly connecting with the blissful peace of the Divine, and we will feel the outer spinnings still happening, but you are quiet and still.

I love your plan for Christmas. I am so sick of money worries and challenges. I am constantly asking why things can't be easier-why can’t we have a ton of money and financial security? Why? Who knows? The frustration doesn't really help, but I guess I feel like worrying is doing something, but it's not really.

Frustrations are endless-expectations are useless, but I still have them. Fulfillment comes through faith, I guess. I don't know that for sure, yet it's stuck in the level of the mind and has not made it into my heart where I can know it for sure.

I am glad you are spending so much time getting to know yourself. It is so important …" this scares me," "this makes me happy," "this makes me sad," then you see the wheels of emotions for what they are just spinning and spinning. Sometimes I crave just running off to the mountains or beach alone (well, with my books and paper and pends and hairclips and clothes and comfy blankets) to think and be. But I know that is not what I'm meant to do right now. Still have obligations to fulfill. Blah. I could choose to do it, but that would create disruption in the field here. It doesn't feel right-the children still need me here. But I'm off to a walk now to escape for a minute. I hope you find faith and fulfillment soon-no matter what.

Love