Sometimes the Hardest Thing Is to Ask for Help

Often we are caught up in daily life, driven by commitments and obligations. We forget to think about ourselves and end up in a labyrinth from which we cannot escape because we don’t even realize the situation.

Something like that happened to me more than ten years ago and I felt out of balance and unhappy.

***

My younger son started kindergarten and I had to return to the office and work full-time, from eight to five. The change wasn’t significant because I hadn’t disconnected from my work either during my pregnancies with my two children or after their birth.

At the same time, the pressure on me intensified because, due to my absence from home all day, thousands of daily tasks fell on my shoulders as soon as I got back from work.

Anyone who has raised young children knows how much emotional and physical energy it requires. One cannot take a break from caring for and raising their children and must always be available when they need attention.

Balancing the care of young children and a demanding job had drained my energy to such an extent that, at some point, I was simply going through the motions like a robot, with the only thought being that I wanted the children to fall asleep so I could finally get to my bed.

But of course, even that didn’t always work out, because young children get sick often, and then parents have to stay up late into the night. After that, they still have to face the daily challenges at work and somehow manage to handle them.

In this regard, and due to the nature of my work, if I had to be absent during the workweek, I would have to bring work home and continue working late into the evening and on weekends, because deadlines, according to tax legislation, don’t wait, and almost no excuses are acceptable for them.

My life during this period revolved around home and the office, and I string of obligations. The hardest part wasn’t just the physical exhaustion, but the emotional one. I had no time for anything else besides my duties related to the children, the home, and my work.

There were days I felt empty. Callous.

For ten years, I had forgotten about writing because I simply didn’t have any physical time for anything other than my daily obligations. I didn’t feel its absence because I didn’t have time to think about anything that could distract me. My mind had switched to safe mode, probably as a means of self-preservation.

However, subconsciously, I was probably feeling a lack of emotional nourishment for my mind and heart because I was trying to compensate for what I was missing in other ways - with food. Unnoticeable, I began eating too many sweet things — cookies, wafers, chocolates — and I also gradually gained more than ten kilograms in about six months. At my height of 1.60 m, that is too much. I quickly moved into the category of those at risk of obesity.

At the same time, without really understanding when and how I had become very irritable and restless.

I felt irritated by ordinary things and everyday situations, which led to unpleasant conflicts with my husband. We would argue over trivial matters. But I couldn’t stop complaining because I saw how things slipped through my fingers and I lost control of my life. I tried to manage everything but time was limited. It was impossible to handle everything.

From the perspective of hindsight, I don’t feel particularly well about my behavior and reactions back then.

At that time, however, I didn’t realize that I needed help and that I should ask for it. I also didn’t understand that some things could simply wait and that I didn’t need to try to be perfect in everything I did. I needed to choose the important things, and while I could finish later those could wait or ask someone else to take care of them.

All this pressure was negatively affecting my relationship with my husband. They say that small stones can turn a car over… I didn’t want anything like that to happen to my family!

I just needed to stop behaving badly and ruining something wonderful because of my nervousness, caused by the immense pressure I was under.

I was startled. And I started to think.

The only way out of this situation was to face the truth, no matter how difficult it might be.

Sometimes the hardest thing is to ask for help and change the perspective towards the important things in life.

***

I started arranging obligations according to their importance.

Of course, some laundry could wait for a day. We could wear other clothes.

Homemade food is wonderful, but sometimes one can order takeout or make something simple, like sandwiches or an omelet.

I had a long talk with my husband with the specific goal of distributing responsibilities and setting our priorities in a way that would help reduce some of the pressure on me. Even simple things can seem like huge problems if not discussed. At the same time, small disappointments can build up and destroy even the greatest love if one doesn’t take action in time.

Of course, problems aren’t solved with a magic wand. It takes consistent effort and a willingness to change.

I could say that gradually we found balance, and I found a way to calm down, not to demand too much of myself, and to make time for rest, as well as for things that recharge me emotionally and make me feel better.

I also took care of my body by finding a diet that makes me feel my best, while at the same time allowing me to gradually normalize my weight and maintain it within healthy limits.

Understanding the root of the problem is perhaps the hardest step toward overcoming it. No one likes to admit that they can’t cope, that they’re losing their footing and that they desperately need a shoulder to lean on because otherwise, there’s a great risk of getting lost in the maze of life.

I am happy that I became aware in time and found the strength to fight with myself, stop being my biggest enemy, as well as to overcome my tendencies to push my physical and emotional limits to unhealthy extremes.

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Thank you for reading.