Self Diagnosing

Self diagnosing via google is a normality for millions of us, including myself. I find myself wondering if I have bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder like my beautiful mum, I could have ADHD? Who knows, but what I do know on paper, is that I have depression and anxiety. But why isn`t it any of the above too?

Why, after brief sessions over the phone with a mental health nurse could he not pin point towards anything? Yes he was learning but there were no empathy on his part to understand, just a "whatever" before realising his mistake. Too late, pal.

I gave up and lost trust in his ability to understand me, my complex thought process and above all, sincere honesty towards this professional. I started to find the answers myself.

Self diagnosing via google is terrifying, yet intriguing at the same time. I have a brain haemorrhage from drinking green tea, I also just learnt the limbic system within this complex mind is normal.

Why do we do these things to ourselves? Well, nearly a year on I can honestly say that on my google search history does no longer involve these common searches.

I will admit that I would like a real, professional and quality explanation of what I have but in the mean time I will continue my progress of healing by good vibes, positive thoughts and a supportive bunch of beautiful humans around me.

No longer do I see £345.78 in my bank, knowing bills come out, yet I decide to indulge in something I simply do not need at the cost similar to what is left within my account.. but I will admit the temptation is sometimes there!

I still overthink, I think deeply, I make up silly scenarios in my head to which I try to rationalise, I grin with happiness, I suddenly think somethings going to happen to my beautiful mum and choke back tears. I drive myself mad but I am so so much better.

A good friend will be there upon any call if you are in need. A good friend will listen, let you vent and tell you how to help you perceive the thoughts which rudely entered.

I find myself in deep, long and sometimes dark conversations with friends about their own mental health, to which I see and feel their pain. They too self diagnose and I ask why and well, they say the same thing and it makes me wonder why so many aren`t diagnosed correctly.

It takes a lot of courage to be honest to yourself, never mind picking up the phone to seek help. I vent on Social Media because it helps me, it also shows others there is nothing to be embarrassed about and indeed this has had friends message me to open up, and in turn for me to say how I feel.

There is medication to help curve the thoughts. In my own personal experience I was given 50mg sertraline, however after a year on them I decided to ween off and try yoga, meditation, green tea and listen to a new genre of music, Lo-fi.

I found this helped me in many ways, I even went as far as quitting smoking and I can happily say I have not been tempted to go back into that habit. I feel like stopping the self diagnosing reduced the actual anxiety progressing within myself, just don`t google things like pins and needle causes! Save yourself the bother, listen to some Lo-Fi and try some meditation. Tibetan bowls on YouTube are incredibly relaxing. Ease the mind, stop the google search and focus on yourself. Much love