Seeing Yourself in Others: The Power of Self-Awareness

Have you ever felt inexplicably irritated by someone talking loudly on public transport, secretly annoyed by a friend posting about their perfect life, or uneasy around a colleague who dominates conversations? We often believe these emotions stem from others’ actions, but psychology suggests otherwise. The traits that trigger us in others may actually be unacknowledged parts of ourselves.

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The World as Your Mirror

Swiss psychologist Carl Jung introduced the concept of the “shadow self”—the hidden, often suppressed aspects of our personality. According to Jungian psychology, we tend to project these unacknowledged traits onto others. In other words, what frustrates us about others may reveal parts of ourselves that we have yet to accept or integrate.

For instance, the colleague who constantly gets under your skin might be mirroring an assertiveness you’ve been taught to suppress. Your discomfort with a friend’s boastful nature could stem from your own unmet need for recognition. Similarly, if someone’s indifference deeply unsettles you, it might be because you’ve experienced emotional neglect in the past.

A famous psychological experiment on trait identification revealed that when participants were asked to list the three personality traits they disliked most in others, subsequent subconscious tests indicated these were the very traits they worked hardest to suppress in themselves. The emotions we feel toward others often serve as encrypted messages from our unconscious mind—messages we may not even realize we are sending to ourselves.

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True Growth Begins with Self-Reflection

When we judge others from a self-centered perspective, we distort reality, seeing only what confirms our existing biases—like looking at the world through a funhouse mirror. Everything appears exaggerated, and the blame always lies with someone else.

Take, for example, the character An Lingrong from Empresses in the Palace. Her resentment towards Zhen Huan stemmed not from Zhen Huan’s actions but from her own deep-seated insecurities. She projected her fears of inadequacy onto Zhen Huan, interpreting her every move as condescension.

However, when we shift our perspective from judgment to self-awareness, we begin to hold up a clearer mirror to ourselves. If someone’s overconfidence irritates you, ask yourself—are you suppressing your own desire to express yourself? If you’re frustrated by a colleague’s aggressiveness, could it be that you struggle to assert yourself?

In therapy, this shift in perspective can be life-changing. A wife who complains about her husband’s emotional distance may realize she has also been emotionally unavailable. A father who criticizes his child’s timidity may uncover memories of his own childhood struggles with fear and rejection. By turning our critiques of others into an exploration of self, we gain the opportunity to heal old wounds and integrate the parts of ourselves we’ve ignored or denied.

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Reclaiming Your Wholeness

How can we use this understanding to cultivate greater self-awareness in daily life?

1. Keep a Journal of Emotional Triggers

Each time you have a strong emotional reaction to someone, write down the situation and what specifically bothered you. Over time, patterns may emerge—perhaps you always feel frustrated when someone talks about their achievements or when others fail to acknowledge your contributions.

2. Practice Self-Reflection

When someone triggers discomfort in you, ask yourself, How does this trait exist in me? If you dislike someone’s stubbornness, could it be that you, too, resist change in certain areas?

3. Build a “Personality Puzzle”

Make a list of the traits you admire and dislike in others. These may represent qualities you either embrace or suppress within yourself. Recognizing these patterns helps you understand which aspects of yourself need acknowledgment and integration.

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Embracing the Light and Shadow Within

In Tokyo’s Ginza district, there’s an art installation made entirely of fractured mirrors. Surprisingly, the most complete reflections often appear within the most broken shards. The same is true for self-awareness—only by embracing the fragmented parts of ourselves can we see the full picture of who we are.

The people around you are not your enemies; they are reflections of your inner world. When you stop projecting your shadows onto others, you allow the light within you to shine fully.