Saying I'm Fine When I'M Not

I try to educate most people around me into understanding that I have a mental illness, because I do not want to have to pretend I'm fine when I'm not. This was something people did in the 1990s, when saying you took medication was not as common as it is in the present. The thing is, many expect a lie to be told. I believe that this gets to ridiculous levels since nobody mentally ill wants to be felt sorry for so we try to hide our feelings around you normal people who manage to sleep by just shutting your brain off, although for some reason, you guys seriously drink a lot of coffee.

Alcohol in no way makes things better for anybody, whether you have a mental illness or not. Its okay to have feelings, it is more than okay to talk about it. This I have learned from dragging myself out of the depths of depression with very little help. I occasionally feel like I'm the real grown up in my family because I'm the responsible one. I feel like I'm the only one in my family who is functional.

Being a functional person gets me criticism and also I feel criticized for not drinking anymore. Hell, they are wondering why I'm not driving right now, voluntarily. I'm not driving because I'm too tired to drive, my hernia hurts, and who knows what else I'm dealing with? I'm not driving right now though and to insist I drive makes me think that people want something bad to happen to me. People in my neighborhood may be brainwashed into encouraging me to drive. I feel the need to be public about this, only because I feel that I do not have to drive myself right now.

If you say you are fine, you are lying if you are not. This is a lie I tell often, a fellow empath however was not fooled by my creative, and peppy lie. He knew better. He was like, Iria; you aren't going to be able to lie to me. So I gave up on lying to him eventually. Today, I feel daylight savings time woozy, or at the very least like I need to go back to bed temporarily. Yes, daylight savings kicked in for the year. This winter went by so fast. I don’t feel much like lying to avoid pity from others because I'm just so done with that. I feel pity is best ignored, and when people try this with me, I just go, whatever, and ignore them. They eventually learn to shut up. My leg used to be very stiff at the time when I was at the MAC store trying to get my phone fixed. Somebody was saying, "I'm so sorry" because they banged into my unbent left leg.

To me that counts as pity so I ignored her while stating I want a Ph.D. and the person who was helping me with customer service actually decided that he wanted a Masters, which I read about him right away. Granted, my left leg/knee is no longer as stiff as it used to be. I'm doing much better in the knee department, certainly. I feel sleepy right now, sleepy and woozy. I cannot say, "I'm fine" lately either. This gets ridiculous. Saying you are "fine" when you are not, gets to silly levels, in particular in the United States. Why the hell should I tell people I'm fine when I'm not? Saying you don’t feel right is something that could make you feel better after all, since I know it does me. The thing is, we earth humans have to learn how to deal with not being "fine" all the time although for my friends who are not as stable as I am, I think there is always a better future being stable.