Rock Bottom Is a Destructive Myth

The term rock bottom is as ubiquitous as addiction. Everyone knows exactly what addiction means and too many people have an intimate understanding of its experience.

When it comes to the idea of addicts reaching a “rock bottom” there is an agreed-upon understanding of what it means. As Brooke M Feldman explains in her article, The Flawed Psychology of Forcing People to Hit “Rock Bottom”,

"Nearly none of us have escaped being socially indoctrinated into the idea that in order to best support somebody living with addiction, we must move out of the way to allow for their inevitable fall to “rock bottom.” We have been told that to do otherwise would mean “enabling” the person to continue on with their addiction."

I have a problem with this idea of addicts needing to hit their “rock bottom” before accepting recovery. Others who have experienced addiction, whether themselves or through someone close to them, will probably also agree that this widely accepted idea is detrimental to addicts.

Maybe you have experienced addiction yourself or witnessed it growing up. Perhaps you’ve lost friends to their addiction or felt the need to cut them out of your life because they continually refused help despite the best efforts of everyone around them. Maybe you have always considered letting these people back into your life if and when they finally hit their “rock bottom” and decide to get help.

Rock bottom is an absolute myth. Pain and suffering to an extreme, reaching your lowest point, does not make you more willing to get help. It makes you more willing to do anything to end your pain. And for addicts, that usually means going even harder at your addiction. This is especially true when your support system has abandoned you.

I have a father who has struggled with his alcoholism his entire life. I would say his lowest point was when he threatened his son’s life while in an alcohol-induced rage. My father ended up in the hospital with broken ribs after his son was forced to defend himself. Did that make him want to stop drinking? Nope. He stopped drinking ten years later when his body could no longer cope with the alcohol and he lost his primary source of income.

My lowest point was probably when I ended up in the hospital for alcohol intoxication and threatening suicide. I did not want to go to the hospital and ended up biting a police officer and breaking a nurse’s nose. Did I stop drinking after that? Absolutely not. I continued for another three years until I became pregnant. That’s why I stopped.

The point is that addicts need a reason to stop fueling their addiction. That reason will look different to every single person on this planet. The reason may seem minor for some (like my father) or very significant and understandable (like myself).

For the majority of people, at least in my experience, rock bottom will never be the stopping point. That is because there is no such thing as rock bottom. You can always end up in even worse situations. The only true rock bottom is death.

So let’s stop romanticizing this idea that once an addict has finally suffered the ‘right’ amount, they will stop. Let’s stop telling people to cut off family or friends who are struggling with addiction through no fault of their own. Because let’s get this straight, addiction is a disease. A disease that can be treated and it is not a disease that someone asks to suffer from.

Don’t cut off someone you love because you’re worried about enabling them. Most of the time, when an addict loses yet another relationship due to their addiction, it just makes them want to indulge more. So, what can you do instead?

Be kind. This person is suffering tremendously and a little kindness can go a long way. You could be the only reason they don’t overdose that day with just a few kind words.

Be firm about your boundaries. If you cannot keep talking to your loved one during their addiction because it’s destroying your mental health then be honest with them about that. Tell them that you’ll always love them and you will be thrilled to hear from them when they are doing better. Then leave them be.

Don’t give them money, but do give them your time. Addicts tend to be incredibly lonely. Living in an altered state of consciousness all day, every day makes it impossible to maintain healthy and positive relationships. If someone you love is an addict and reaches out, try to talk to them. Even if it’s only for five minutes. Even if it’s just over text.

Never stop encouraging recovery. Addicts will talk about wanting to get help hundreds of times before they finally do. Every time they talk about it with someone, it brings them even closer to acting on it. So even if this is the 1 millionth time you’ve heard about it from them, never stop encouraging them to recover.

This pervasive idea of rock bottom had made it so easy for people to dismiss the addicts in their lives. It is horrible how comfortable we all are with the idea that we have to wait for someone to suffer enough before they can get help. Addicts are constantly suffering. More of the same only brings more of the same. An addict will only stop when they find their reason to do so. All the rest of us can do is wait and be ready to welcome them on the side of recovery when they’re ready.