Recovering from the All-Consuming Opinions of Others

Earlier this week I was hammocking up the canyon. I was watching the water and the wind and the birds and bugs all around me and taking in all the little pieces of the world, away from any people but still so alive. I watched this spider walking across it’s web (far enough away from me that I could easily escape at any moment;)) and I realized that little guy (we’ll call him roger) had no interest in my opinion of him. All of my thoughts while watching him had zero effect on the way he made his web or who/ what he interacted with. My thoughts & opinions of roger didn’t even slightly impact his feelings.

I realized I don’t want to care. Not that I don’t care because I do. But I don’t want to care. Here’s the thing. People are going to think what they think. Period. It’s a natural human condition. We make judgments and assumptions without seeking or even a desire to seek out the full story. We’re biased by our own perspective and experience. I think I’ve always had the opinion that on social media you have complete control over the perspective that people get to see of you. The more I share, however the less control I’ve realized I have. You would think that because you only show people a small part of your life, people only think what you want them to think, but instead, the reality is that they use the small information you give them to validate what they Already thought OR they create a whole new person because they’re missing crucial information. It’s not intentional or rude it’s just life through the lense of media.

What does this mean? We simply have no control over what others think of us.

I’m frequently re-learning that the opinions of others do not need to be my business. I have spent so much time stressing over the way that people must perceive me.

When I began sharing about vulnerable topics I worried people wouldn’t believe me or they would think I was just seeking attention. After posting and hearing some of the horrible things people said, I stressed that all men would think I was broken & couldn’t have healthy relationships or intimacy in the future. Or that people thought I was a crazy man- hater. Or simply crazy, as in clinical. Psycho. I worried about whether or not people thought I was inactive in my faith and religion. I worried that people would think I believed certain things about God, politics or life. I worried that people would get tired, annoyed or uncomfortable with the things I posted or said. I know this all seems trivial. So much of it is centered around social media and insecurities. It’s real for so many of us though. These worries attacked my confidence. It spilled over from social media to my every day. I worried that every person I met knew everything that had happened to me and judged me for it. Pretty prideful right?:) how narcissistic to assume that the whole world knows me and has stalked my social media that intensely. On the other side of things, how silly to be so insecure and stressed about people reading what I intentionally Blasted on my public Social MEDIA for others to read & learn from.

Here’s the thing. I know a lot of this could have just been avoided by not posting. I could just delete Instagram & TikTok. It would be easy. The nasty comments and aggressive dms would go away. I would have more control over the vulnerable information people know about me. I could walk around confident knowing no one is pitying me. I could flirt with boys without being held back by wondering if they also think I’m too broken.

But I haven’t deleted social media. I haven’t moved and started over somewhere else.

My reason? I’m proud of what I’ve posted. I do care what people think of me and honestly I don’t think it’s bad to care. I can care what people think but still make my own decisions. As long as I don’t let the opinions of others influence the choices I believe are right; I think I’m winning the comparison and insecurity battle. I’m constantly figuring out ways to not let it get to me, and I think everyone has their own way of doing that. I’m not saying cutting out social media is bad.

I still might do it. When something toxic is taking over your life, you gotta cut it out right? But if I do cut it out it will be my choice, not a choice made because I’m affected by the opinions of others.

With all of that being said, Mental health matters more. So if I want to delete it I will. However for right now, I find pride and purpose in the things I’ve shared. I feel strong because of the vulnerability that’s made me feel so weak. I love the empathy that I can feel for others like me. I love the opportunity that I have to share my empathy with others because they can talk to me.

I do have to take breaks whenever the ignorant or hurtful comments & dms get to me. I’ve started actually following the screen time limits I’ve set for myself.

My conclusion to all of this is that I’m committing to try and remember little Roger. I can recognize that people will think what they think and still spin my own web;)