Projecting my trauma unto loved ones

I got out of the shower and told my son to get his sister because it was bedtime (10:30 pm). Alexandar ran to grandma's room and came back "um, grandma said she wasn't in there" I walked throughout the house calling her name and she was nowhere to be found.

I went to my mom’s room in hopes that she was pulling a prank on me, but she was not in there... (panic starts to seep in). Robert- my husband- opened the back door and yelled for Olivia, she did not respond, our roommates were out there and we had assumed they would’ve said “she is with us or something along those lines, instead we got nothing. I went back to my mom’s room in a full panic and said I couldn’t find her. Just then I heard the back door open and see her shadow standing there, she knew she was in trouble. As we walked to our room Robert told Olivia that what she did was not okay and that she needed to turn the light off and go to bed.

Normally, my three children sleep in the same room across from us, there is no door so we can always hear what is happening, whatever time of day. However, this night, my oldest was at a sleep over at her aunts’ house .. so, it was just the younger kids and I do not like them being too far away. I made a little bed on my floor for both Alex and Olivia and told them to lay down and watch Netflix while I was studying for my finals.

As Olivia got closer to me I smelled fire smoke and cologne of her. Instantly my mind thought the worst of the situation. I asked her who was outside and she said, “Candice and Eric” (our roommates) and I asked what everyone was doing out there, she replied “ standing by the fire. I asked why she smelled like Eric’s cologne, especially her hands. Her big brown eyes looked at me for the longest time, she was confused about why I was so mad.

Me: Olivia, haven’t I told you MANY times to stay away from adults that are not your parents?

Olivia: yes. *sigh*

Me: Why do you tell you to stay away from adults? Tell me why I think it is important.

Olivia: because they can hurt me.

Me: When I tell you, they can hurt you; I mean it in a few ways. Physically, they can do mean or nasty things, like touch your private parts. Adults that do this, they will tell you it is okay, not to be scared, and not to tell anyone else that it is happening. I want you to remember that IT IS NOT OKAY FOR ANYONE TO EVER PUT THEIR HANDS ON ANY PART OF YOU.

Olivia: I know mom

Me: I’m an adult and my feelings are still hurt from when my own cousins did this to me. These boys that were my family touched me inappropriately and now I get sad because I cannot always be there to protect you from this. The only thing I can do is remind you as often as I can to stay alert. Stand up and take your underwear off, I want you to get in the shower, but I first I want to show up something.

When she handed me her underwear it was wet … automatically I assumed the worst and thought something happened and I just frightened her into not telling me. I told her “When your private parts are touched, it gets wet, but it isn’t pee. It is used for sexual things that kids should not learn about until later in life. I have to make you aware of this so you can understand why I am worried.

As she got in the shower I turned to Robert and I asked what we should do about this. As his eyes were closed his response was “you already talked with her, let’s just be finished with it” Every part of me got hot, and it felt like a wanted to punch him. How could he not understand why I was so upset and concerned, why was he making me feel like a crazy person???

I sat there and cried about it in silence. As Olivia laid down, she looked up at me and said I’m sorry mommy, I didn’t want to make you cry.

I was furious with Robert’s reaction- it was so nonchalant, and I just take it to an extreme, but I feel justified in doing so, having dealt with this uncomfortable and hurtful experience as a child. I just want my children to grow up without bad things happening.. I’m sorry, but I will not apologize for overacting about the THOUGHT of bad things happening to my baby girl, I just won’t.