I've been a hoarder for as long as I can remember. I keep useless shit, receipts from delis in Quebec, train tickets from France, the list goes on and on. I moved to a small town a little over two years ago, and never had anyone come over to my apartment because of the disaster it has always been in... I'm talking about clothes all over the floor (separate piles of clean and dirty), dishes all over the counters making it impossible for making any sort of actual food, and just mess and garbage everywhere. This is now all starting to change.
See, I've had depression for a long time, but I was not diagnosed until 2015 after the passing of my grandmother because this sent me into a dark spiral and the hoarding got worse. I moved out on my own, so no more momma cleaning up after me. I wanted to grow up, be clutter and mess free but my mind would not allow me. People say just get over it or just clean it up, but seriously people, its not that easy to overcome.
Back to moving into my small town apartment... So just over two years I have never had anyone over until recently when I started dating this guy. At first, we would just go to his house and spend time there, I would never let him see the disaster I was living in. But one day I decided I was actually in love with this guy and I needed to tell him the truth. I spilled what I thought could be the worse thing anyone would every hear, but to my surprise he hugged me, told me things were going to be okay and we can get through this together. I brought him over and showed him that it was not going to be an easy task, this for sure I thought was going to scare him away, but to my surprise, he got the garbage bags that were on the floor in a box and started to help me.
This was the sweetest thing anyone could ever do for me, to help me with my mess, and my mess of life. I cried and screamed out of frustration while doing the first little bit of cleaning, but he told me not to get upset, its going to be okay. He suggested taking things in sections instead of looking at it all in a whole, and this actually seemed to help and it relieved some of my anxiety towards the cleaning of what I thought was the impossible. Unfortunately, my boyfriend works away for four weeks at a time and I was still overwhelmed and distraught with this great mess of an apartment. We did put a small dent in it before he went back, but knowing that his next turn around he was going to be moving in with me scared the shit out of me and made me so depressed.
I was not depressed he was moving in with me, don't get me wrong, I was infuriated with myself that my apartment was such a disaster and he was coming home in four weeks and I needed to clean. I did not succeed in doing so. I was overwhelmed, I stayed in bed, became super depressed and basically only got up and went to work. I did not leave my bed or house because I kept thinking that I was no good, why would anybody want to be with me or live with me if I can't even clean up a tiny apartment. Again, he understood.
When he came home, the apartment was still such a disaster. I went to work the next morning after picking him up at the airport the night before. When I came home on my dinner break to see him, to my surprise my kitchen had a floor!!! I could not believe what I was seeing. When I had left for work that morning, my kitchen had boxes, and clothes and everything else strewn all over the floor. He managed in the four hours I was gone to throw away what was garbage, pick up the clothes and put it in bags just to put aside for now, and everything else he had either put away or put in bags because he did not know where to put it and he placed the bags in my living room out of the way so that I could go through them at my own pace.
While he was home for two weeks, my apartment was becoming cleaner as the days went on. He helped me so much. I was able to actually clear away my room, something I have not done in ages. The bags of clothes and other random assortment of items are still in my living room to go through, but like he said there is no rush and to take it one bag at a time. I have been keeping the place tidy, I can walk in my room without having to hurdle piles of clothes and water bottles, I am putting things away when I am done so that I don't have to clean up more mess. Over the next few weeks, on my days off I will be going through the bags deciding what to keep, donate, and throw away.
This has been an incredibly tough scenario for me, but with the help of someone so supportive and unbelievably kind I am able to start and conquer what I honestly though was impossible. Overcoming hoarding was something I have never dreamed I could accomplish, but slow and steadily I will one day (hopefully soon), beat this awful mental illness and be able to live a life where I am not embarrassed of letting people into my home. Anything is possible with the right support system.
About the Creator
Ginger Curls
Just another millennial trying to figure out the world.
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