On Making an Illuminati Snuff Film

My reward to myself for maintaining a year clean resulted in my taking a trip through Sober Vacations International to Turks and Caicos to Club Med. Basically, they take all of the alcohol out of that den of hedonistic pleasure for a week and let a bunch of former drunks and addicts vacation and have meetings together. It was an amazing experience and I recommend both getting clean as well as taking one of the many vacations that Sober Vacations International has to offer.

The experience started in February of 2017. I took a limousine ride to the Philadelphia International Airport for an American Airlines flight to the Caribbean. Incidentally, for some reason, I had decided to wean off of my bipolar medications during the trip, thinking, in my infinite wisdom, that doing this thousands of miles from home would not be a problem. Spending lots of time at a vegan cafe and had improved my diet and put me into contact with people who advised me to throw out my medication and drink more water. Attempting this in the past had led me several times to visits to the local psychiatric hospital and more than once to some potentially dangerous dealings with the local police. However, I was clean now and certain that I could handle myself with my new diet and without the medication. My doctor was aware and reluctantly agreed that we could try it. I informed the French nurse in Turks and Caicos, who really did not think it was a great idea, and yet, I pressed on.

The accommodations were stunning, my roommate was sweet. I hit a meeting. The food there was beyond compare. I could do this.

That first night, I saw my roommate asking some guy to slip her something with her toothbrush. Strange. I may have been beginning my journey into psychosis at this point, so I am not sure what happened. The next morning, when I came back to my room after breakfast, there was an open bottle of saline on the toilet and some other suspicious looking materials, so I reported it. I was here to be clean. Later that day, she was moved to a different room and I continued to descend into madness, all alone now.

I knew one other couple at this vacation. My former sponsor was there with her husband and she encouraged me to be social, to attend as many meetings as I could and basically get to know people. I tried. I really did.

I remember the cats at the resort. There were hundreds of them. I spent the entire evening drinking coffee and talking with others who could not sleep most of the night. A result of not taking my medication, was that I really had a hard time sleeping. The amount of coffee that people in Recovery consume did little to help my plight.

The next day, I started to get more and more delusional. I believed that I had come into a great deal of money and that I needed to give it away. I met a woman that I was convinced was my ex husband’s grandmother, who used to gamble in Cuba and that she was entitled to some of this money. She was quite excited. I scheduled a massage for a few days from then.

I got the idea that I needed to buy real estate in Turks and Caicos, a timeshare or something and that my family would come through with the money for me. I started inquiring as to how to get into the town to speak with a realtor. I attended a few more meetings. I walked on the beach. I wanted to sign up for scuba lessons.

Now, I walk with a limp—drop foot, from a drug overdose that I had back in 2014. I was convinced that my new diet would heal it. Advised by my friends at the vegan cafe to place onions in my socks at night, I did it for months, noticing no real benefits. I rebounded, wore boots, did everything I could think of and still limp a bit to this day, although it has gotten much better.

I remember watching the Super Bowl there at Club Med, with our own Eagles leading us to victory and that was the night that I decided to have a victory of my own.

I had gotten very manic by this point. For example, I was convinced that the staff cleaning the rooms would come in and have sex on the beds, so I went to the gift shop and left condoms for them to use. Safety first! I had this whole thing happen, I am still not sure if it is a memory of something that I created, but basically it went like this:

My parents have a lake house in the Pocono Mountains. We have spent many years there having bonfires. In what I cannot still tell if it’s psychoses or a memory, I remember having a bonfire with my two younger brothers and my middle brother’s wife and we were talking about places to vacation. My youngest brother was talking about Sandals Resorts and how he’d honeymooned there. He told me what to do if there was a bomb in your resort. You don’t just throw it out the window. That could hurt people. Instead, you climb onto the roof, climb across, drop it down and take it to the ocean. He said that you had to watch for the scuba diver under your bed though. He explained further. When you get out to the sea, you will see a boat. You don’t want to go to the first boat, though, because that’s the authorities. You need to swim to the party boat further out. Climb onto the party boat.

He further instructed me to get away from the scuba man, that I would need to go through the vents. The vents, of course, were in the closets. It would take work to get them open. First, I would need to take apart a hanger and use it as a wrench. I would have to wrench the wood panels out of the closet and go down through the vents to safety.

That night, I found my bomb in my accommodations while trying to get my wallet in the safe. I put my combination in. It began flashing at me. I tried it again. More flashing. Obviously, this was the bomb. I remembered all that my brother had taught me. I pulled the safe from my closet. I was on the second floor, right next to a roof. Carefully, I climbed on to the roof. I lugged that safe across the roof, dropped it into the sand. Grabbed the gutters and swung down, landing on my face and knocking the wind out of me.

But I needed to carry that bomb to safety, away from the other guests. I carried it all the way across the beach and plopped it into the ocean. I was not safe yet. I needed to get away from the bomb and find the party boat.

I knew at this point that I was making an Illuminati Snuff Film and that I was the star and that it was all being recorded. I hobbled down the beach as fast as I could until I saw two boat. This must be it. Fully clothed, I got into the water and swam out to the first boat. Because I was the star of this snuff film, I decided to play it up. I swan to the boat and knew that this was the authorities. I must get to the party boat. I began yelling “Socorro” as I swam to the party boat, that I knew was filled with the killer Illuminati. I swam to the second boat. Now I must climb onto it. I tried and tried. No matter what I did. I could not climb onto the party boat.

I had failed this mission.

Nonetheless, I knew that I needed to keep swimming down to the beach. I got on my back and did elementary backstroke. I flipped onto my side and did sidestroke. I swam for thirty minutes until I hit the jetty. Then I rested a bit. Somehow, I made it back.

Amazingly, there was a shower there. I began washing the sand from my body. The moon was bright, full, I think. I saw someone coming towards me. She introduced herself as Kevin. I gave her the lowdown on my adventures and she walked me back to my room.

Alone again, I could hear the sounds of the scuba man coming from the other bed. But somehow, I slept.

The next day, I got up in time for a huge Recovery Meeting, where those who shared got up on stage. I knew I must share. I waited. Sat on the stage. Finally, it was my turn. I regaled the crowd with the details of my night mission to gasps from the crowd.

I was told to return to my room.

The scuba man was still there.

So I did what I had to do. I broke one of the closet hangers and tried to pry open the back of my Club Med closet. I was going to get into the vents and escape to safety.

The banging alerted the cleaning staff who told me to stop. I was told that I was going home. All of my clothes were wet. Some of my clothes were at the laundry. For some reason, I left them in bags rather than return them to my suitcase. So these are gone forever.

I was sent to the airport. I had some idea that if I put the wrong charger into my phone, it would explode. So, I think that I stole a few chargers while at the airport before they sat me down with a guard. When the time came, I was put on a flight where I couldn’t see out the window and by this point, I was afraid to move. There was a connecting flight out of North Carolina where I was again sat with a guard in the airport. I was sat in the middle and whatever was playing on the television was sending me secret, ominous messages.

My mom and youngest brother picked me up from the airport, looking so worried and I was not told where I was being taken. When I found out zi was being taken to Norristown State Hospital, I was furious.

There, I was apparently so bad that they diagnosed me with schizophrenia and had me on all the wrong meds. I had do do a second tour of psychiatric facilities after this, where I was put on the correct medication. Finally, I felt much better.

As for my Illuminati Snuff film, I am not sure if it’s circulating, but I’m not dead yet.