My life story

This is how it began...

I had always been a shy kid and that left me vulnerable. I’d let people walk all over me and I was too scared to stand up for myself. And that’s when it happened.

I was in primary school. I was preparing for my SATs and I was around 10 years old, possibly 11 but I was quite young. I’d look around me and just think “they have no idea what has happened” “they’re just going about their normal lives and I was growing up. But what happened shouldn’t have happened. I know that now. But at the time I had no idea what was going on and that it was wrong.

You’ve probably guessed it. I was sexually assaulted. It has taken me some time to say this aloud and have my voice be heard but now is the right time. I need to speak out. It is always okay to speak out. You deserve to be listened to. You are not alone. None of you alone. And if you relate to any of what I am saying, there is help available for you.

Here are some support lines for those who desperately need help. Whether it happened years ago or it is happening in the present, it’s okay. There is always someone you can talk to, whether that be a help line or a teacher or just anyone you trust. Don’t stay silent. Justice will be served.

Childline (11-19): 0800 1111

Samaritans(for emotional support): 116 123

I’m not going to go into details as that would be very triggering but I was very confused and scared and trapped. I felt embarrassed. My way of dealing with it was humour. The first person I told was my best friend. However because I didn’t seem sad or traumatised about it, she thought I was okay and that it didn’t affect me. Years later, I’m left to pick up the pieces of what was done to me but at the time of the event, I honestly thought it was a game and I genuinely believed that because I was so young and still a child. It was only since I started secondary school that I started to understand that what happened was rape. I was rape. The thought of that terrified me. I felt disgusting and sick to my stomach. And you know the worst part? He was family. How can family do something so cruel to you? To make you feel like nothing. That you’re not a person but a downgraded sex object to be used. I was 10. An innocent 10 year old, whose innocence was taken way too soon.

I still have flashbacks to this day of what happened. And not just 1 occasion but 3. I’ve tried to forget but it has never really faded from my mind and they are memories that are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. However ‘if it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.’ That is a quote to live by. Life is full of tests and this is one of mine. Life isn’t beautiful. Life is cruel and unjust but that doesn’t mean we should give it all away because of 1 person. Why should we give them that power that they won? That they knocked us down and broke us? You are stronger than you think and the challenges life throws at you can proof that. Do you know how I know? Because you’re reading this right now. You’re still here. And if you’re reading this and you relate I’m so proud of you for everything you’ve gone through and rose above. You are a warrior. And the strongest of them all.

It took me years to finally come out but I’m telling you now, it is the best thing you could ever do. Reach out. Get the help. Get the support and get your lives back because you fucking deserve it!