Between growing older, having kids, almost dying and just life complications in general I have been through a lot and learned a lot. It doesn't always work out in my favor, even with all of my knowledge and wisdom I've gained over the years. So, I've decided to write a mini series of different times and events that have happened. I've already written a couple so i wont back track, Ill just add them to the series of the soap opera that is my life.
First a little about myself, I am a 38 year old pregnant single mother trying to survive in this crazy pandemic world that seems to get more expensive by the day. I have anxiety, bouts of depression, PTSD, 24/7 dizziness due to an ear injury and soooooo much more!!! Sounds like a party right! well it pretty much is, just not one that anyone would ever wanna go to cause when it gets bad you literally feel like your dying.
I am almost done with cosmetology school...Woohoo, if only i was currently in school though and didn't have to take a break! when the pandemic started school was cancelled until we went into online classes. which were impossible to keep up with! It was very easy to be online and be doing the work and not get credit for it. Im really bad at keeping track of things like that so i was never able to report missed hours. It also made it really hard to actually learn pretty much anything. My brain unfortunately isn't like a sponge with well, most things. It put me really far behind BUT I'm still not giving up. Its just taking me longer. I do feel like im failing at pretty much everything right now though. Its easy to feel that way when your life gets paused.
There's a LOT i wanna do. I wanna open up a domestic violence victims resort center so i can help people live their best life. Even though I'm still figuring out my own best life. I know it involves helping people....and art, lots of art. I just wanna help people feel their very best. Its a long way off but I am not a person to give up easy. I will take breaks here and there when things get REALLY overwhelming but then I regroup and keep on moving forward. Its not easy to do when you don't have much to move forward with...yet.
My mind is EVERYWHERE!!! I mainly get overwhelmed with thoughts at night, then I usually feel like I have to get up and write down notes for me to, well...never look at again. I will have this feeling as though I have to get everything done right that minute, but I cant because it's usually only around midnight and nothing is open and oh yeah, Im also broke so I still have to wait even if I were able to get those things done right that minute. there's a song I recently discovered called "overwhelmed" by Ryan Mack. It describes the feeling perfectly, cause when this happens the feeling is so overwhelming and the thoughts that are racing through my mind, and all my worries come flooding in and I can't control it, no matter how hard I try until eventually, I get tired enough to fall asleep.
Here are my favorite lyrics from that song... "I get overwell..well...well would you look at that, another person telling me that I should just relax, calm down and take it easy everything will be ok, yeah sure, that's what they all say, but oh my mind, isn't really my friend sometimes, I can hear my dreams calling me but all these doubts are hauntin' me, why's it always right before I fall asleep That I get overwhelmed" Those words are just genius to me and so perfectly written. Its EXACTLY what its like. Even inside my mind is like a soap opera!
About the Creator
Tyger Jackson
I've done a lot in life and as frank Sinatra says...I did it my way!
Keep reading
More stories from Tyger Jackson and writers in Psyche and other communities.
Society Often Teaches Us to Suppress Our Sad Feelings, Branding Them as Negative.
Allow yourself the time to feel, process, and let go. What a journey we’ve traveled together. You can relate to that pain that appears out of nowhere and wants to linger in our minds. Once fear moves in, it takes root—spreading doubt, loneliness, and confusion It’s that kind of pain that overtakes your mental health, gradually making a home within you. Your thoughts can create a space filled with fear, a feeling that we often cling to because it’s the one our minds use against us—leading to a fierce battle between your thoughts and your feelings. It’s a struggle no one wants to lose, yet losing yourself feels like an ever-present threat. Isn’t that a trick life plays on us?
By Johana Torres13 days ago in Psyche
The Silent Pattern That Is Draining Your Life Without You Noticing
The Silent Pattern That Is Draining Your Life Without You Noticing Not all psychological struggles announce themselves loudly. Some don’t come as panic attacks, breakdowns, or visible crises. Some arrive quietly. They blend into your routine. They feel like “just life.” And that is exactly why they are so dangerous. This article is about one of those patterns. When Functioning Becomes a Disguise You wake up. You do what needs to be done. You fulfill responsibilities. From the outside, you look fine. But internally, something feels… depleted. Not sadness. Not anxiety. Just a constant low-level exhaustion — mental, emotional, existential. This is not laziness. And it is not weakness. It is a psychological pattern built around over-functioning. The Over-Functioning Trap Over-functioning happens when your sense of worth becomes tied to: Being useful Being reliable Being the “strong one” Holding everything together At first, it feels like maturity. Later, it becomes identity. Eventually, it becomes a prison. You stop asking: “What do I need?” “What do I feel?” “What do I want?” Because survival has trained you to focus only on: “What must be done next?” Why This Pattern Forms This pattern often develops early: In emotionally unpredictable environments In households where your needs were secondary When being “low-maintenance” kept the peace When responsibility arrived before safety So you adapted. You learned to function without support. You learned to silence discomfort. You learned to keep moving — no matter the cost. And it worked. Until it didn’t. The Cost No One Talks About The cost is subtle but heavy: Chronic emotional numbness Difficulty resting without guilt Feeling disconnected even during success A sense that life is happening around you, not within you You may achieve things. You may be admired. But fulfillment feels strangely absent. That absence is not a flaw in you. It is a signal. Awareness Is the First Disruption This pattern survives on invisibility. Once you see it, it weakens. Start noticing: When productivity replaces self-worth When rest feels unsafe When you only feel valuable while giving You don’t need to “fix” yourself overnight. You need to listen — without judgment. Healing here is not dramatic. It is quiet. Consistent. And deeply human. A Final Thought You were not meant to merely function. You were meant to experience life. If this article resonated, it’s not because something is wrong with you. It’s because something true was finally named. And naming is always the beginning.
By Med Abdeljabbar4 days ago in Psyche
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.