My Battle With Health and Heartbreak

It's been almost 3 years after my heartbreak, but still, the flashback haunts me from inside and has left a huge mark on my emotional and mental state.

I can't even imagine that I've been through this trauma all alone without even been able to talk about this with my friend and family.

This all started when I got into a relationship at my university level. At first, everything seemed like a fairy tale story.

Long chats, dinner dates, parties, outings, and much more.

But slowly and gradually, with passing years, things starting turning bad.

I did all I could to save this relationship, but all he ever did was mess it up.

I was trying to make things clear that getting half of him wasn't enough.

But I guess he wasn't ready to swallow his pride. And here I was waiting to give him everything that he deserved.

I knew that he wanted me, but he pretended that he didn't need anyone or me.

He left me all alone after all those memorable days, when I needed him the most.

I was a topper, but this unhealthy relationship affected my grades and my health so badly that I was left in a state of anxiety and depression.

My mental health was so badly affected that I wasn't even able to handle myself.

And on top of that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Every time I want through something drastic, I would question myself, what else will I have to deal with? Why is it happening to me?

Because all I wanted was a beautiful relation and someone who I can look up to when I feel low.

But my dream turnout to be my biggest nightmare of my life.

I still now consider this one of the biggest mistakes and decisions of my life.

For a while, I felt like a dead human with no emotions, and it felt gross for a long time.

I was tired of all those fights, crying, and heartbreak, so I decided to end this relationship. Though I really wanted it bad to work out.

But I guess it was useless to cry over a spilled milk.

Because not only was I affected, but I guess he was suffering from this too. So I let him free and ended the relationship. I knew he wouldn't take the first step, so I did it.

Saying goodbye wasn't easy at all. But I had to do it for our better & bright future.

Ending this not-so-healthy relation lifted a huge weight off me. And gave me the courage to stand for myself.

Taking a break from this relationship helped me with my mental health. I no longer have to answer any calls or messages or worry about others.

Ending this has got me such a relief that I can't even explain in words.

My Advice

Though I agree that in every relationship, unhealthy fights sometimes do take place. But not always. The moment you feel that your partner is no longer putting efforts to maintain the relationship and if you're experiencing behavior shifts & signs in your relationship, then trust me that isn't normal.

So you must not ignore them and understand that this can lead to abuse. I suggest trusting your gut instinct. And if you really want the relationship, then try addressing the problem with your partner and aim for a solution if both of you want the relationship.

But if none of you want, then take a step back and let things flow on their own. Because staying in relationships where both of you aren't happy is better than not having a relationship.

What I have learned from this relationship is that you must love yourself before you're ready to love another person.