Mental Illness- My Story

To be honest, when I was growing up, mental health was never something that was talked about. By the age of 12, I was struck with crippling anxiety that basically took over my life. Imagine my suprise when I found out that 95% of people deal with it on a daily basis. Almost everyday I struggled with panic attacks so severe that I couldn't even leave the house. After missing over 50 days of school, I almost had to repeat the 7th grade. Now picture this: I was already dealing with anxiety, and now I had to deal with the criticism and questions from my classmates. Even if they didn't mean to come off in a judging way, it sure felt like that and it absolutely had an affect on me and my recovery.

Then came the anorexia. As if my anxiety wasn't enough, I somehow decided that I needed to lose weight. Skipping meals, pretending to eat, you name it. I did it all. It was a vicious cycle that I later found out was only making my anxiety worse: losing weight so fast caused an imbalance in my brain, creating even more anxiety, and even more panic attacks. The worst part of it all, I still thought I needed to lose more weight; I still saw myself as "fat."

"Eat a burger!" "You should eat more!" Words like these haunted me every time I had the guts to go to school. To be honest, sometimes it made me feel good, to know that I was visibly skinny. In the back of my mind, I knew that there was some truth to their words, but my anxiety stricken mind blocked those thoughts out completely. But, when my grades started dropping along with my weight, and my panic attacks became even more severe, I decided that I finally had to do something about it.

Therapy- I could write an entire blog solely on this topic, but for now, all I will say is that it can work wonders. So many people go to therapy and it is absolutely not something to be ashamed of. After multiple therapists, I finally found one that was able to help me. I learned various coping mechaisms (that I will be making a whole separate blog on) and was on the road to recovery.

Another HUGE factor that contributed to my recovery was medicaition; something that I promised myself would never be an option. But, once I was educated and learned that my anxiety was happening because of an imbalance in my brain that I had no control over, I agreed to a small dose. Let me tell you, I am SO glad that I did.

Now, recovery is a life long process. There are still ups and downs to this day, but at the age of 23 I am 1000% more confident in my ability to handle my anxiety than I was years ago. That being said, I whole heartedly intend to keep learning and educating myself on ways to combat my anxiety, and help me on a day to day basis.

To anyone out there struggling with anxiety, or any other mental illness, you are not alone. It is incredibly diffficult and I am here to tell you that I completely understand that. Never let anyone downplay your struggles, because they are valid and REAL. Remember, you never know what someone else is going through, so be kind always. A simple smile or compliment can mean more than you could ever imagine if someone is having a bad day, trust me on that.

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