Mental Health; It is more than Depression

This is a hard one to write. But it feels important. Hi, my name is Sara and I have hallucinations. We (meaning my psychiatrist, therapist and I) have an inkling of what causes it but nothing diganosed. I was ashamed to admit I had these up until this last year. I finally admitted it and got on medication that has helped them almost disappear. So let’s get into it.

I noticed these start a few years ago. They started small with seeing a dog that wasn’t there or seeing a bug that wasn’t there. Then I started hearing things that weren’t happening. It became so overwhelming but I still was so so terrified to ask for help. Sure, mental health is more openly talked about now but it’s depression and anxiety.. not hallucinations, PTSD.. those can be harder to come by with being dignaosed. And you can be shamed, even by providers. Overall, it’s scary to admit.

I found a psychiatrist I was finally comfortable with. She diagnosed me with everything and when I finally felt I could do it, I shared about my hallucinations. I explained to her how often they happened (daily) and the stress they caused me. She put me on a medication (Abilfy) that has truly changed my life. I will have one hallucination once a month usually. And it’s usually triggered by forgetting to take my meds and a stressful thing happening. I also talked to my therapist about how to cope with these hallucinations. I found that if I closed my eyes, took 3 deep breaths, opened them again and took a few more deep breaths, the hallucinations went away. I will forever be grateful for both my psychiatrist and therapist for helping me through such a scary time with the upmost respect and care. My current therapist continues to help me cope and gives me great insight with my mental health. I think the first step to taking care of you and your mental health is by finding great providers and alternatives that work for you. They can help you sort of coping skills. Hotlines are great too when you are having an episode and need the help to get through it.

So why did I feel I needed to share this? I am a vulnerable person. I share a lot and I really thrive off of making sure others never feel alone. This was a huge part of my life that I hid for so so long. It was really scary admitting I have hallucinations to my friends and family. Some of them still don’t even know. So that’s why I’m sharing this. I’m sharing so you know you’re not alone in any and all mental health struggles. I’m also posting this because I feel like it is time to get this off my chest.

Overall, mental health is a struggle. No matter if it’s depression, anxiety, or something more severe (think bipolar disorder and schizophrenia), it is all a struggle and we all struggle in our own ways. I want you to know that no matter what your struggle is, you are never alone. It’s important to find your community and your people when you are dealing with mental health struggles. You need to have people that have you back and don’t judge you or harm you while you are in an episode. You deserve that, friend. You are not a burden because you struggle. You never will be a burden.

Hotlines:

741-741; Crisis text line

988; National Crisis/Suicide Prevention Lifeline (can call, text or chat online)

The Trevor Project

(Can call, text or chat online, all info on the website)