Life without the solace of alcohol

On January 17th, 2024, I had my last drink. For 15 years I was a high functioning alcoholic. Snowed in at home I didn’t have beer, my usual go to, but there was hard liquor. Enjoyed Fireball while I wandered around in the snow. If I had known, it would be my last time drinking I would have done something more exciting. After I finished that bottle I switched to a random vodka. Evidently, I passed out for the night. The next morning, I woke up feeling like shit as you would expect. It was a beautiful day with the sun slowly melting the snow. I was stuck on the couch watching Netflix because of my bad decisions. My first day with no alcohol was January 18th, 2024. As I laid on the couch, I made a list of the reasons why to drink vs why not. The original list is tacked up on my bedroom wall. It continues to grow as I learn more. Looking back on it keeps me motivated.

Reasons why

• Stress
• Fun
• Boredom
• Pool
• Neon lights
• Outlet for everything

Reasons to quit

• Feel better in the morning
• Health reasons
• Better skin
• Mental health
• Stop road rage
• Lose beer belly
• Save money
• Accomplish more
• Want to work out
• Live longer
• Drinking increases cancer risk
• Prove I can do it
• Become closer to God
• Spiritual growth
• Achieve more goals
• No risk of DUI
• Learn to have fun without alcohol
• Find a healthy way of dealing with stress
• See if it helps my depression
• Be able to drive at anytime
• Dementia risks have been linked with drinking

The New Reality

At first, I didn’t know what to do. My days off used to start with a shower beer. On days I worked the second I got home I had a drink in hand. I research everything I could about what alcohol does to your body. Things I didn’t think were caused by drinking actually were. A good majority of the anxiousness I was having were due to hangxiety. A term that means anxiety with a hangover. My psoriasis started to clear up. To my surprise my sense of smell and taste became stronger. Now I can smell alcohol on others which means I most likely used to reeked of booze. I began to wake up by 6 am. Started going to the gym daily while still working out at home. Many hours were spent drunk reading true crime articles but never about things that could improve my life. My new focus is on books about spirituality and self-growth. I educated myself in multiple subjects I had always been interested in. While I continue to recover, I discover more about what led me to drink in the first place.

The Slow Down

Unfortunately, one struggle I have is I’m so bored. Even with all the good things it’s not the same. Life seems very dull now. I am in no means at risk of relapse it’s just something that many recovering alcoholics deal with. I used to do everything single thing drunk now those things don’t feel the way they used to. I’ve tried to have a shower soda, but it’s doesn’t do it. The first time I went on vacation to my favorite beach spot I saw multiple bars that looked fun to go sit at. I decorated my patio with beach themed neon lights to try to recreate the environment. Still can’t replicate the old feeling. Events where there is drinking are not enjoyable when you are the only one sober. For a few months I found myself in bed by 8 p.m. because I couldn’t find anything to do. Before I would be up past midnight. Movies that I used to find funny are no longer are entertaining. Often, I find myself longing for something fast-paced. One year and nine months later I still feel pretty blah.

Better Things Do Come

With the slow down being said there is so much positive to make it all worthwhile. Once you are able to keep your goal of not drinking, you can achieve your other goals too. When I joined the gym, it took me 15 minutes or more to run a mile on the treadmill. I now can, although it’s tough, run a mile in under 10 minutes. Since I have gotten serious with my exercise, I have nearly lost my beer gut. I have reconnected with many of my friends along with gaining new ones. In an attempt to open up my creative side I tried writing left-handed. It turned out that I could really well. In fact, better than my right-hand. My grandma had asked me when I was a kid if I was a lefty. It was brushed off as her being senile. I have no answers why this randomly occurred. This interesting fact about myself I would have never found out if I was still drinking. I now write with my left hand. That led me to learn that I like drawing. To pass the time I began to read a couple books a week. Each goal builds to another goal. On top of working out I have cut out fast food. I focus on eating healthy at home. Losing weight from the healthy changes has encouraged me to put effort into my appearance again. Looking good has boosted my confidence. My confidence is why I’m writing my book. Each day is a new challenge with some days being harder than others. If you keep pushing through it will pay off in the end.

For myself it took many attempts. Countless times I tried then still wanted one more fun day. At one point I had stop for a month to “reset” my liver. Each one of those failures pushed me back farther. I’m thankful I woke up hung over on January 18th, 2024. Deciding to quit is a deeply personal experience as everyone’s journey is different. You will get questioned why you don’t anymore. Others can make it awkward when they drink around you. Worst is that some will be rude to you. Early on, I mentioned to someone that I had not consumed alcohol for a few months at that time. Their response was to go to the fridge and grab a beer while telling me congratulations. What matters more is that many are impressed that I am becoming my best self. I’ve had lots of people tell me how proud they are of me. My personal growth has been worth giving up alcohol. Stay strong in your pursuit in achieving your dreams. The most important part is that only you can make the change happen.