Keep Your Expectations

Expectations.

Everyone thinks of something different when they read that word. Maybe they feel a little bit of dread. Maybe they feel nothing - expectations are just one part of life, and they don't mean much beyond that. Maybe they feel a little bit safer because they know that they have things to do and a structure to follow.

But maybe they feel anxious. Maybe their heart beats a little faster, and their skin feels a little colder. Maybe their cheeks get a little flushed, and their smile gets a little forced.

Because maybe they've experienced an expectation overload. Maybe they've been the person who carries every expectation. Maybe they still are.

Or maybe it's because they've always failed to meet their expectations - or someone else's. Maybe they didn't get into the school that they were expected to. Didn't get the expected grades or make the expected friends. Maybe expectations were so frequently paired with disappointment that now it's the only outcome they can expect themselves.

Maybe you're one of those people. Maybe expectations make you feel sick inside. Maybe they give you anxiety. Maybe you're carrying so many expectations that you're starting to falter. Starting to fall. And maybe that scares you. Maybe it discourages you.

You might not be. You might be handling your life free of excess expectations. You might be completely relaxed and unconcerned with what others may or may not expect of you.

If you are? Congratulations.

But if you aren't - if you're closer to fitting the description of one of those other people. The ones who are struggling. The ones who are carrying what feels like a million weights on their shoulders. The ones who don't know how to put the expectations down so that they can stand up straight again.

And if you are one of these people, there are a few things you should know.

First of all, expectations are not written in stone. They can change. And sometimes they should change because not every expectation is a realistic one.

Secondly, you can tell the people in your life that their expectations of you aren't something you're comfortable with. Your life, your struggles, and your goals are just that - yours. If an expectation is constantly adding stress to your life, then it shouldn't be there at all.

Third, it is okay to deny someone else's - or even your own - expectations. You don't have to agree with them. You don't have to take them into consideration. Look at your own values, and your own goals, and make your own decision based on first-hand knowledge of your own life.

Did you read that? Good. Maybe read it again.

Expectations are not always a bad thing. They can provide a bit of structure, a solid goal to work for, and can help you find motivation when you need it. But sometimes, expectations are created that can't be met. Furthermore, expectations regarding someone else's life are often unrealistic. There are millions of unseen struggles playing out around you every day. Sometimes adding even what you imagine to be a simple, obvious expectation to someone's day is enough to tip the scales from 'handling it' to 'drowning in it'. Adding to their stress, even a little, isn't worth it.

I know it's common advice to lower your expectations. That's not what I'm saying. Keep your expectations - they belong to you, and you can do with them as you see fit. Raise them, lower them, change them, replace them.

So keep your expectations. Don't be too quick to hand them off to someone else.