Journal of An Unhiroic Healer

The science has proven that we are energy. In fact, everything we see is made up with energy. Whether we are aware or not, we all sense the energy and be influenced by it to different degrees. Not only I am HSP ( Highly Sensitive Person) but also I am an empath. An empath is a person highly attuned to other’s feelings and emotions and understands/feels them just like his/her own.

This can work against me if I do not ground myself. In ever so fast paced world of internet and technology today, discerning what is and what isn’t mine is absolutely necessary for someone like me at the survival level.

For the very reason, I was a sickly child up until I become old enough to have more control over my world.

According to my mother, I would have a relatively high fever around the same time of each month. She and my doctor had no idea why. I was around 2 years old and other than the mysterious habitual fevers, no other health issues were present. It was my grandmother’s insightful observation that brought the unpleasant symptom to subside.

You see, I didn’t know how much my mother was going through emotional distress in the financial matter. My father had a habit of gambling more than he could afford. By the end of month, the money was running low, barely enough to cover food expenses, and she was always worried that someone might come collect the money he owed. I didn’t know how bad it was. Years later, I found out that they actually had almost lost their home due to my father co-signing for gambling buddy’s debt without her knowledge. She had never overcome the fear of losing home unexpectedly.

My mother’s emotions in the fear of not having enough money was so strong, I was literally sensing and feeling her emotions; it was manifesting in my physical body as the fever. Children are susceptible to vibrations a lot more than adults as they haven’t been conditioned by outside of themselves such as customs and cultures.

Instinctively, after my grandmother’s input, she understood what inadvertently caused her infant child to suffer the high fever every month. After she became aware what was making me sick, she had consciously taken the action to alleviate her anxiety about money.

After that my habitual monthly fever was gone in time.

As far as I know, I could have died a few times before I turned 7 years of age. I was only 2 or 3 when a high fever for an unknown reason almost took me away from my parents.

The doctor gave up on me having several days of ridiculously high fever. He had told my parents to be prepared for losing me if the fever did not break soon.

Desperate yet determined, they had visited called miko in Japanese , the special psychic medium deep in the woods where she resided to receive any guidance or procedures to save my life.

The miko told them that there were some spirits of samurai attached to the land, where our house is built on; they have been affecting me, with strong emotion of griefs, anger and regrets for their unjustified life ending the way it had.

They were spirits, lost, and attached to the land needed to be recognized and properly sent away. The medium had advised my parents to build an altar for them on the corner of the property and pray for their rest in peace.

For them that was the only hope they had. At the same time, dubious and unsure, they were considering burying me and placing a headstone on the corner of their property if I didn’t make it. That’s where they built the altar for the lost samurai spirits instead.

Miraculously, my fever had broken after the altar was completed and prayers were given. Years later I had discovered the story behind the presence of stone house shape altar on the corner of our yard.

That’s when they told me about their experience of having a child prone to mysterious illnesses and symptoms. Not that I remember any of it, but they were loosing me too many times to count and living nightmare situations with their first born. I can’t imagine how they must’ve felt.

Now, I am 59 years old healthy as a horse. I am happy well-adjusted and in my own right. I feel I am the best looking and shape in my life at this age. I used to felt that I am ugly and I did not want to be seen. I don’t believe no one knew how I really felt about myself. During my teens my life was very difficult. At least internally. I have experienced mental depression and have taken some medication. I would not want to go to the school and I could not physically do so when the time comes to depart for the school; my nose would bleed profusely and would not stop.

Not that I didn’t like the school. I am a very curious person and I love to learn anything. I just did not fit in the school I was attending. The high school I attended had a very strict rule of conduct including how to wear your hair, socks, or the length of skirt. We were prohibited to have boyfriend/girlfriend. The teachers are like law enforcement officers. Looking back, some of them are clearly abusing their power to control their students with or without knowing that’s what they are doing. It wasn’t physical abuse but clearly verbal one.

They would often humiliate the students by calling them “stupid”, “shameful” or “useless”. I wasn’t one to be targeted as I obeyed all the rule and played a role of submissive student, but the hash environment was hurting me more than one way.

So, I know how environment can affect one’s mind and body. I wasn’t only one whom had struggled to go to school. If you are energy/vibration sensitive, you need to know that the environment would greatly affect your health and wellbeing.