I am autistic, not an alien

The challenges

Being autistic has its challenges. It is a fact that we live in a world led by and meant for neurotypical individuals. When you stand out from the crowd, you tend to be the odd one out. Being different is kind of forbidden; it seems to be a bad thing.

Mistakes are unforgivable

If I make a mistake, it is undoubtedly because of my autism. It does not matter if anybody else can make the same mistake; it is my faultiness that led to it. I am socially clumsy — sure, I often do not pick some subtle cues, and this leads to misunderstandings. I have mostly learned how to live in a society, yet my continuous analysis of people every now and then fails. So, this means that I am not a worthy member of society.

“You’re autistic; you don’t understand emotions.” 

Oh, and my favourite is how I am incapable of understanding others and showing emotions. As if the attacker is in my head and knows what I am experiencing. This phrase can be hardly any more wrong. It hurts, especially when coming from the mouth of a person you care about, one you thought cared about you. It feels like a betrayal of sorts. It is demotivating, making you question yourself and why you even came to this world.

Interestingly, if you claim I do not understand your way of thinking, why do you assume that you understand mine? Or maybe attacking others for the sake of picking on someone feels good on the self-esteem. I am not interested in knowing the reason. I just find it sad and hurtful. I mean no harm, so why am I treated as if this is all on purpose?

If you claim I don’t understand your way of thinking, why do you think you understand mine?

Are we subhumans? Are we not supposed to exist?

Maybe the assumption came because of the struggle of autistic people with fitting in and being socially clumsy. Still, being odd and sometimes responding to situations unexpectedly does not make autistic people mean and heartless. We can be a bit too honest at times, though many of us have mastered the skill of politeness and appropriateness. I would not laugh when hearing about your hamster that passed away. I will notice the stain on your shirt, but I will ignore it to the point that you believe I have not seen it.

Some of us express ourselves differently, but our feelings run deep. At times they are so strong that we have trouble distinguishing ours from yours, and we get overwhelmed.

Ashamed no more

I might be different, I might be clumsy in one way or another, but I am honest. I have mastered the lessons of decency. I do not criticise others, even if I see something that is not quite right. I can notice a dirty spot on your shirt, but I would turn away my gaze to ensure you are not aware that I have seen it. I do not want you to feel embarrassed. But then… I am heartless. If you say so…

Sometimes criticism is overt. It starts feeling like I am not supposed to be here, that I need to be expelled. Am I expected to feel redundant? Or should I hate my very existence? Should I regret that I am alive? In the past, I would try to hide in a corner and wish I could bury myself under the ground.

Not anymore.

I need to be respected. I am part of society with all its quirkiness. I am well educated and employed at a 9-to-5. I do not depend on others. So why should I be treated as an alien?

Please, show respect.

This article is reposted on my other blogging and social profiles.

https://linktr.ee/neurodivergent_ai