How Catcalling Affected Me As A Child

When I was 12, I got catcalled for the first time. It was almost 100 degrees and I put on a nice outfit to go out with my friend to the market. I wore a simple shirt and shorts, an outfit that I thought was perfectly acceptable, especially considering the weather. I was walking with my friend down the street and a man said "Wow those are big" My friend was younger than me, and she had never heard anyone say something so vulgar before so she was shocked but we kept walking. All the way until we got to the end of the road where we met up with some other girls. Even though she was shocked, she ended up telling the girls we met up with, and everyone had a good laugh about it. I wanted to say I didn't think it was funny and it made me uncomfortable, but I didn't want to spoil their fun. So I kept my mouth shut, and ignored it until I got home.

After that day the harassment didn't stop. It was when I was walking down the street, on the bus or train, and even at school. Then it changed from catcalling to people hitting on me more directly and violently. One incident happened on the bus on my way home from school. I had just dyed my hair red, and I loved the way the color looked so I was taking extra good care of my hair. It was always washed, brushed, and perfect, and I got constant compliments from my friends and peers about how good it looked so I was happy. One day I was sitting on the bus with my headphones on, and my eyes directed out the window. (I've learned to sit like this every time I'm on the bus so I can pretend I can't hear people who are making me uncomfortable.) Unfortunately I could still here through my headphones, so I heard when a man sat across from me and tried talking to me. I kept my poker face and acted like I couldn't hear him up until he started singing. Yes, he started singing to me on the bus. When I realized what he was doing, I listened more to what he was singing to see how worried I should be. The first thing I heard him singing was, "You with that pretty red hair, don't ignore me. I like your hair, don't be so fiesty." Typing it out sounds silly now, but it was terrifying in the moment. He kept getting more and more aggressive and I kept ignoring him. Eventually I got off and waited for the next bus, but it didn't get rid of the fear and disgust.

When I told my friends this story, they either laughed or didn't believe me. It felt awful to have people laugh at something I thought was horrifying. After that, I stopped telling people every time something happened. I've been sniffed, intentionally sat on, groped, and yelled at, and I don't tell anyone. And according to inspiringthemind.org 97% of women ages 19-24 have experienced sexual harassment. This can affect young teens mental health, grades, and social well being negatively.

After experiencing things like this, you start to wonder if it will escalate into something more terrifying. Which leads me to my next story.

When I was 16 I was taking the bus to visit my friend at her house. I sat down close to the back, and the bus wasn't too crowded, but there were other people on it. About halfway through my ride a man sat on the bus in the back close to where I was. I didn't think too much about it because he didn't say anything and he wasn't really looking at me so I just kept staring out the window. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, he was rolling a blunt on his leg and kind of just mumbling to himself. I didn't really care about any of it and I figured I'd rather have somebody puff weed smoke into my face, than risk confronting him. So I just kept minding my business. This is until he started talking to me. He started off by just giving me a small compliment which I smiled and said thank you too hoping he would leave me alone if I was polite. He didn't though, and he started aggressively hitting on me just a moments after I smiled at him. I really didn't know what to do so I just kept ignoring him and looking out the window, but it kept getting more and more aggressive. Eventually it turned from hitting on me to shouting rape threats at me in the back of the bus. I was absolutely terrified and i was looking around the bus for somebody to say something. The driver was too far to the front and he couldn't have known it was happening. However there was a man at the back of the bus who made eye contact with me as I was being stood over and yelled at. I looked at him hoping he would get the hint and say something, but he just kept staring back and forth between me and the other man. As soon as I saw an opening, I got off the bus as fast as I could. I'd made sure he wasn't able to get through the door in time to follow me, and I walked to the rest of the way to my destination.

All I was able to think about though was how that man sitting on the back of the bus didn't say anything. As women we can't risk saying something that will provoke a strange man, especially one that's already being so verbally abusive and violent. And I often wonder what would have happened if he was able to follow me off the bus orIf I had stayed on longer.

Personally, it made me scared to go outside without an adult, and I was scared to use public transportation. My mental health also started to decline, and it affected how I performed in school, and how often I went out with my friends.

Now that I am older I have the mental awareness to be able to avoid and ignore these things, but for children and young girls it could be very hard to process. Make sure that you take all forms of sexual harassment seriously and never negate someone's personal experiences. And to all the women who may be reading, stay strong.