Healing vs. Harming

Every time a new study links childhood trauma to aggression, I cringe.

Not because the science is wrong — trauma can change the brain —

but because society loves to twist that truth into an excuse.

The headline reads: “Abusers can’t help it. It’s their trauma.”

No.

Trauma does not give anyone the right to destroy others.

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Trauma Changes Brains — But Not Everyone’s the Same

Yes, trauma can rewire neural pathways. It can warp perception, dull empathy, and heighten threat response. But plenty of survivors — myself included — grew up under brutal conditions and still chose healing. We chose accountability, integrity, compassion.

Others? They take the easy route: self-pity, denial, projection.

They weaponize their wounds. They become the very monsters they once feared.

Trauma can explain why someone struggles — but it will never excuse what they do with that struggle.

If trauma automatically caused violence, the world would be overrun with abusers. But it isn’t — because millions of survivors every day wake up and choose not to pass on their pain.

That’s not magic. That’s morality.

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Agency Matters

Neuroscience shows that the brain can change through conscious effort. Healing literally reshapes neural circuits. Which means that every violent adult who refuses to do the work has made a choice.

They’ve chosen to stay asleep.

Chosen to keep others walking on eggshells.

Chosen to blame instead of repent.

The claim “I can’t help it” is cowardice disguised as science.

Violence is still a decision.

And decisions carry consequences.

Every time someone hides behind their trauma to excuse cruelty, they disrespect those who have suffered and healed. They dishonour every survivor who took their brokenness to therapy, to prayer, to art, to God — and turned it into grace.

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Why the Excuse is Dangerous

When the media frames trauma as destiny, it creates cultural hypnosis.

It subtly tells us: “Abuse is inevitable. Some people are just broken.”

That story is poison.

It normalizes abuse. It steals hope from victims.

And it gives predators a soft landing where accountability should be.

How many headlines have you read that sympathize with the abuser’s childhood — but not the survivor’s present-day retraumatization PLUS the childhood trauma they already endured, survived and alchemized?

The public loves a redemption arc for the perpetrator. They rarely celebrate the ones who survive quietly, rebuild, forgive, and keep choosing love.

The truth is this:

Trauma doesn’t make you hurt others. Character does.

And character is forged through choice.

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Two Kinds of Survivors

In every generation, trauma survivors split into two paths:

The Alchemists — those who use pain as fuel. They face the fire, melt the metal, and become something holy.

The Cowards — those who wallow in self-pity, repeating cycles and calling it 'just the way I am'.

The difference? Courage. Faith. Honesty. Work.

The willingness to look in the mirror and say, “I am responsible for what I do next.”

Some of us break cycles.

Some of us build legacies.

Those who choose harm are not “trauma victims” — they’re opportunists hiding behind psychology headlines.

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The Spiritual Truth

Healing is not just therapy. It’s a spiritual rebellion against darkness.

It’s saying, “The abuse stops with me.”

Every survivor who turns toward light performs an act of sacred defiance.

Every act of accountability is an exorcism of evil from the lineage.

Trauma may be the wound, but choice is the weapon.

You can pick up that weapon and carve a new story — or you can hand it to the devil and call it destiny.

The difference between the healed and the harmful isn’t what happened to them.

It’s what they do with what happened.

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Stop excusing them.

Stop calling cruelty “trauma.”

Stop confusing pain with permission.

Because when survivors heal, humanity evolves.

And when abusers refuse, they rot in the same darkness they once escaped.

Choose light.

Choose responsibility.

Choose truth.

The future of love depends on it.

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#Trauma #Healing #Accountability #AbuseAwareness #Psychology #Spirituality #TheHonedCrone