Emotional Neglect

Emotional neglect differs widely from physical abuse and other types of abuse in that it is not always intentional. However, the damage from it leads to long term suffering and trauma. Emotional neglect is when a parent may have too high expectations for their child, not be sensitive to their child’s needs or be dismissive of their emotional needs. Most of the time the parent has suffered this same issue with their family and passes it along to their child. It can take many years of therapy to undo the damage from this. Here are eight signs that appear in adulthood that are attributed to emotional neglect as a child.

You bottle up your emotions:

A parent may have told you to man up and not show weakness. They failed to understand showing emotions was not indeed a sign of weakness but rather a natural response. People who bottle up emotions for too long end up having issues with periodic breakdowns. They may become less attached to people and struggle with relationships down the road. If not treated this can lead to toxicity to oneself if they ever let up and show any emotion.

You are overly altruistic:

While altruism-act of putting others first is not a bad thing, overdoing it will not get one’s needs met. These are the typical people who may be eating poorly and depriving themselves but making sure other people enjoy things to abundance. If they fail to appease others they may actually and in many cases blame themselves.

You struggle to identify your emotions:

Emotions without an issue of identity are complex. In this case they can be unnerving. A person may feel a plethora of different emotions at once but cannot identify which one is the most extreme. One may feel resentment that they can’t understand what they feel and further isolate themselves from others.

You feel broken inside:

This is a point where the individual feels that something is pathological to themselves. They feel they are toxic and don’t understand why they feel this way. These times are especially troublesome as since they have not got the emotional support at the get go at childhood they lack identity. Going back to Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs they never manage to build relationships or develop a sense of self. They may seek others to help define them-often seeking validity from external forces.

You are always hard on yourself:

Perfectionists are born from emotional neglect. Any time an individual does a task, they are their worst critic. If ever praised for a job well done, the individual is apathetic and does not feel they deserve the praise. This can be as fatal of the individual going through substance abuse to null the feelings of simply feeling not good enough.

You fear dependency:

These individuals fail to reach out to people who care as they fear they won’t be self sufficient. If in a financial crisis they will avoid seeking help from a trusted person who has offered. This may also be avoiding seeking therapy for something that deeply depresses them

You lack self-esteem:

This ties into inability to accept oneself and perfection issues. A person who had the trauma of emotional neglect will often think little of themselves. They feel like they are inadequate and as I mentioned before seek validity from others. They may enter a toxic relationship and struggle to get out of it due to the fear of rejection.

You feel a void in your entity:

Hoarding and buying impulsively are often signs of this. People feel empty on the inside and try to fill this void with materialistic things failing to realize that it is indeed the validity of feelings that need to be addressed.

Conclusion:

While issues with emotional neglect differ from different forms of child abuse-this is not something anyone who has suffered this should avoid. Finding healthy relationships and seeking therapy is necessary for this. People who suffered this need to know it is okay to feel this way and okay to reach out. While for some time they may blame themselves, recognizing the root of the cause is important.