Domestic Violence During Quarantine

A foreword:

There are many kinds of stories of people that quarantined in 2020. Many of us read books, learned how to plant gardens, perfected baking recipes, practiced making babies, worked from home, took on active roles in our children's education, were grateful to just be alive.

Yet there are some people that dreaded being home because they were home with their abusers. So many of us cannot even imagine what it must be like to know that staying home would keep you alive, yet home is not the safest place to be away from violence. I hope to give a voice to those that are silenced.

Marie:

“It probably will only be a couple of weeks like the news says,” Marie told her coworker while they gathered their Tupperware containers from the kitchen. She hoped her nerves weren’t evident to Danielle who was going on about the virus. “Girl I don’t know, I hear this thing will be around a while, I mean how will we even know when it’s safe? Two weeks of quarantine at home and it’ll just go away? Nah…” Her voice trailed off as she shook her head and threw her containers in a shoulder bag and began roughly wiping down the counters. “We come back to work in 2 weeks, and then the next patient comes in and starts coughing over us and then what, we’re quarantining again?”

Danielle had been freaking out about the virus for the last couple of weeks as it was all over the news that it was on its way here. Then only a couple of towns away the first case was verified, and it was real for many people including the chiropractic office that Marie and Danielle worked as administrative assistants.

It wasn’t that Marie wasn't worried about the virus as much as Danielle was, she was just more worried about having to be home for two weeks. Work was her escape, a safe space that she could live in and breathe in for 8 hours every day sometimes, Saturdays. She dreaded going home every night, the weekends gave her anxiety, she did the best she could to come up with excuses as to why she did not have to be home but it rarely worked. It just made things worse. She didn't want to sound selfish, but this virus was really inconvenient.

When she met him, he had just graduated law school, he wined and dined her, promised her everything. Marie was naïve and young and believed everything he said. Their first two years were perfect, nothing signaled what was to come.

Marie had had so many men ghost her, treat her like she was an afterthought, make her feel insignificant, and unworthy. When she met him, he doted on her, he wanted to know how her day was, needed to make sure she got home safe, advised her on checking in with him occasionally so that he wouldn't have to worry.

He showered her with roses, proudly showed her off to his friends, made her feel as though she was his whole world. They were married after nine months, he bought them a house after he passed the bar and landed a premium job at a prestigious firm.

He really didn't want her to work, because he wanted a family, almost getting offended as though Marie believed that he could not care for her and their future children. But in the beginning it wasn't that difficult to convince him so let her do certain things. Temporary moments of frustration led to his apologies and a wonderful understanding, a quality that Marie really didn't see before in men.

Marie came from hardworking parents and convinced him to let her at least work part time. Perhaps he checked in with her a lot, but she was used to letting him know where she was and she knew that once he knew that she was safe, he was in the best mood. She learned the hard way what happens if she didn't remember to update him on her whereabouts….

There was that time when it was her boss’ birthday. He was turning 30 and had invited the whole office to celebrate. Dr. G. was a very down to earth person, a great boss and Marie knew that his employees were like his extended family.

But when she went to send the obligatory text announcing her whereabouts, she was met with anger.

She went over it in her mind so many times. She swore that she told him where she was going. His response as the appetizers were being served chilled her.

-What do you mean you're at a restaurant with some guy?-

-Babe, he's not some guy he's my boss. I told you about his birthday dinner. -

-So let me get this straight, I go out of town to gather details on a case, to do my job, that pays the bills, in the house I bought for you and the first second I'm gone you're out to dinner with some fucking guy. I don't care if he's your boss he has a dick, so he wants you, I know it.-

Marie didn’t want anyone around her to know anything was wrong but her heart began to race as her fingers worked fast. She needed him to understand that his assumptions were wrong.

-I really thought that I told you, I'm not the only one here. The whole staff is here. He is not into me and who cares if he was, I would not be with him because I am with you. I don't know why you would even wonder about me with other men, I only have eyes for you. And you for me right? Or did that change?-

-That will never change you are the only person for me and that's why I don't want anyone ogling their eyes at you. I just worry about you, I trust you. I'm sorry for overreacting. You know how I get when it comes to you. Sometimes I don't think that you realize how men really are. You really are naive. Not all men are like me.-

At the end, he told her loved her. But the interaction ruined Marie’s night. Even though he had apologized to her it left her rattled and shaken because he'd never spoken to her like that and it made her wonder what that conversation would have been like if it had been in person. He made jokes here and there about her looking at other men, but he always laughed it off when she protested. But this was different.

But by the time he got home from his trip, things were great and she got some more beautiful flowers and even a necklace. So Marie knew that if she just remembered to tell him where she was things would be fine. There was no way she would ever want to be with anyone else so she did not see an issue telling him where she was and what she was doing all the time.

Marie had never had a man so concerned and that loved her so much that she could let go some of his controlling and jealous moments. He wanted to make sure that no one else had her. Sometimes the thought of how he was with her made her feel sexier than usual, more confident. He really brought out the best in her.

But that was the only the beginning when things started to take a turn. Marie started to feal actual fear because he would overreact too much too often. She’d considered leaving him, after the first time her hit her, after the second.

And then, Covid, quarantine, lockdown.

Marie made her way home with a box of her belongings. Two weeks at home with him, how would she survive?

To be continued….