Do I have Social Anxiety?

When was the last time that you attended a gathering and, upon walking into the room, your heart suddenly started racing, with sweating hands, and you felt the overwhelming urge to turn around and disappear? Maybe you decided not to attend such functions at all because the idea of participating in small talk makes you break out in a sweat.

Simultaneously, continuously looking at photos or images of individuals socializing and effortlessly networking deepens your feelings of loneliness and isolation, with the feeling “I wish I could be like them.” Well, with prompt treatment intervention, this is achievable.

If you happen to be someone who cancels plans repeatedly at the last moment, gets sick before a social event, or obsessively performs mental rehearsals of what is likely to take place, social anxiety might be your hidden enemy. Individuals suffering from social anxiety often worry about how "others" (i.e., random people in a restaurant or store) will view them.

Unlike general anxiety, this common anxiety disorder can significantly impair a person's daily functioning, social connections, and overall health. It affects millions of people worldwide and goes beyond shyness. However, social anxiety is a treatable psychological condition.

This blog highlights the signs of this battle, the underlying discomfort, and strategies for coping with it.

What is social anxiety like?

Feeling anxious is a common and typical response to life’s stressful events. However, when it becomes extreme, it is no longer a natural reaction but rather a mental health condition. This mental health condition is termed “social anxiety”, an overwhelming fear of being judged or rejected in social or public situations. Individuals suffering from social anxiety often encounter thoughts, for example:

• Feel I’m not as good as others.
• Being overly concerned about what others think.
• Fear of looking foolish or making mistakes.
• Constant fear of being boring, dull, awkward, or uninteresting.
• Thoughts of being entirely lacking in social graces.
• Feeling tongue-tied when trying to talk.

Additionally, public speaking, singing, reading aloud, or even engaging in sports, whether in front of an audience or privately, can be terrifying for some people suffering from social anxiety.

Studies show that about 10% of adults and teens in the US suffer from social anxiety disorder. Among children aged 13 to 17, the condition affects 11% of girls and 6% of boys, while 14% of men and 12% of women have it at some point in their lives.

In many cases, people are taken aback when they hear they have social anxiety. Some individuals with this condition think they are just quiet, shy, or introverted. Some individuals mistakenly assume they are unskilled or awkward in social situations.

Nevertheless, having social anxiety disorder does not mean you have anxiety in every social situation. You may be able to handle most social interactions, but have problems with certain types or at certain moments. For example, a student might be able to manage a conversation in most situations but get frightened when asked to speak in front of the class. Or a person might be just fine dining with friends, but become excessively nervous at the thought of eating in front of strangers.

Consequently, when in public, people with social anxiety disorder may experience overpowering feelings of humiliation and embarrassment. This may cause them to skip everyday tasks, which include:

• Eating alone in public
• self-presentation
• using the restroom in public
• talking on the phone
• Attending a date or engaging in sexual activity

Why Do I Suffer from Social Anxiety

For some people, social anxiety is something that "triggers" them, while for others, it begins in childhood. Nevertheless, the majority of people develop social anxiety gradually. This usually stems from unpleasant experiences that occurred during interaction in the past, such as receiving uncomfortable remarks or witnessing another person's disinterest in a discussion.

However, social anxiety can also be caused by various other reasons besides prior experiences. These include:

• Genetics: Anxiety problems can run in families. For example, if either or both of your parents have struggled with social anxiety, your likelihood of developing the condition increases by 30–40%.

• Hormonal imbalance: Some social anxiety sufferers have serotonin production issues. Studies suggest that a certain gene that transports serotonin in the brain may have a significant role in this. Because this gene can produce too much or too little hormone, brain instability may cause anxiety.

• Parenting types: Social anxiety can be caused by parenting. Studies have shown a link between parents with negative parenting methods and social anxiety disorder (SAD). Children who have strict or controlling parents, for example, may grow up to be timid and afraid of making friends and connections. Additionally, low self-esteem and confidence may make it hard for them to socialize as adults.

• Trauma: Traumatic events at any age can have long-term psychological impacts. Trauma, like psychological or physical abuse, bullying, witnessing domestic violence, or having a parent or caregiver abandon you and your family, can cause social anxiety disorder.

• Dealing with loss: Social anxiety might arise from going through a divorce, losing your job, or losing a loved one. Consequently, it can make individuals uncomfortable to discuss or talk in social settings, which often contributes to isolation and loneliness.

Coping strategies for social anxiety

Social anxiety can be very overwhelming and draining; however, there are ways in which you can cope with and win over it! Let's talk about these strategies one by one.

1) Shifting Mindset:

People aren't watching you as closely as you think they are. People are too busy overthinking about their own lives to notice you 24/7. You're not being judged nearly as much as your brain tells you.

You don't have to be perfect, just present. No one is born without flaws. A flawless performance cannot be expected by anyone. We are all humans, and it's okay for us to make mistakes; it's in our nature. Even high professionals make mistakes, be it minor or major. It's all super normal!

2) Practical coping mechanism:

Bring about exposure in your life with baby steps. You don't have to start socializing all in one day. Start by taking slow steps. Start by answering once in class, interacting once during office events, etc.

Prepare for the social events in advance. Think about go-to convos and prepare how you're going to answer and ask them. For example, "How was your weekend?" or "Would you like something to eat/drink?"

Try different techniques whenever you feel anxious. Like the 5-4-3-2-1 rule (5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste). Or start by deep breathing to relax your mind and muscles.

3) On-the-spot coping techniques:

Self-talk. Answer every question that's clouding your brain. Talk to yourself like you're talking to a friend. "What if I embarrass myself?" counter it by saying, "You won't. You're doing well, and people are just going to forget that in less than a minute. You're a human and it's not weird."

Keep some objects like fidgets, rings, or anything else you can use to burn the nervousness and anxiety within you during that moment.

Talk to your "safe person". That safe person can be anyone. Your friend, your mother/father, or your sibling. Having a supportive person around you who can lower your anxiety in an instant and make you feel at ease helps a lot.

4) Long-term coping methods:

Seek professional help. Therapy sessions can help you lower down your anxiety levels and build confidence.

Journaling can help in letting out your feelings on paper if you're too scared to let it out to even the person closest to you. Journals keep your feelings to yourself so you can always vent out to it about your day, and it won't judge!

You're not broken, you're becoming

Social anxiety disorder isn't about weakness but about carrying a storm in your chest while still showing up. It's hiding behind a smile, overthinking every word, and feeling like the spotlight is on you even when you just want to blend in. But here's the thing: the fact that you're still trying, still growing, still here, that's the strength that most people won't understand.

Healing doesn't have to be loud. You don't have to force confidence or become an extrovert to be 'better'. Mind you, even extroverts can have social anxiety.

You just need to be real with yourself, your feelings, and your pace. Every time you raise your hand in class, attend a social event…that's growth. Baby steps count. So, keep progressing. ...