Diverge From The Path

I never really fitted in at school. I was intelligent and rebellious. I was quiet but stood out. I was different and nobody understood me. Not my teachers, my family, no one.

I spent my time daydreaming at the back of class, I kept myself to myself pulling my hood up and keeping my eyes to the floor. I tried to avoid the other children, when I had to stand with them lined up outside the classroom I had a deep sense of dread.

They would call me names and diss me for my choice in clothes, I was told the devil had cum on my head and that is why my hair was bright red. I would shuffle about getting annoyed, shout and tell them to “go away”. All that did was make it worse, as the other kids now knew it hurt.

The day I left school was one of the greatest days of my life. I skipped away thinking things could never be that bad. At college, my life seemed to make more sense I studied art and was surrounded by creatives. We were all unique and had our own form of self-expression, this was encouraged and celebrated. I progressed through university gaining a degree in Jewellery Design. I was doing well at being me embracing my different approach to life, and I was finally free.

I worked freelance for many years creating jewellery and sculptures for myself and for others. I seemed to thrive under my own steam, working under my own structure and drive to achieve. After having a bad year, I decided to take a full-time position as a goldsmith. The job position was a dream come true. The jewellery designer I was working for was one of the best and I got to make the most beautiful pieces.

The position started out well and I seemed to adapt to the structure although it was intense at times having three bosses. The atmosphere started to shift when pressure was laid on. My position was temporary, and I was covering a maternity absence. I was told if I were right, I could stay, but I would have to prove myself by working in their way.

Their standards were high as well as their expectations, but as they began to doubt my abilities, so did I. I found myself with an insidious anxiety and inability to focus. I felt demeaned and denied a fair structure to grow and this had a massive impact on my workflow. Nothing ever felt the same and I would cry on my lunch break as the intensity was too much for me to take.

I decided to leave on my own accord I applied to university to develop my creativity. After breaking the news to my work colleagues, they also revealed they were letting me go free. A mutual feeling that I had to leave, but they were slightly shocked I had planned to go. Working my last two weeks felt like hell, but it all seems like so long ago.

Currently I have just completed my MA, and I am waiting for the results with eagerness. This last two years studying under my own plan has been one of self-discovery. I need a structure that works for me, one with space just to be. I need time to be outside in nature to help me focus on what needs to be done. I also need time to reflect on what has been and come. Given the right perimeters, conditions, and autonomy I have the ability to thrive and reach self-realisation.

This is because we are not all made in the same way and some of us diverge from the path of the norm. We are maverick thinkers and should be cherished. Accommodating us should be seen as a pleasure. We bring a lot to the table, creativity, knowledge, and enthusiasm is just a few to mention. I have empathy and understanding for every individual, and it is not too much for me to ask to be treated the same way. Some people do not understand the struggles they have within their own mind and that has been my truth. Being neuro divergent is as complicated as life itself, but when we treat people as individuals, we give them the space to grow.