CHILDHOOD TRAUMA? HERE ARE 3 STEPS ON HOW YOU CAN COME OUT OF IT

Disclaimer: This article is based on personal experiences and reflections. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. If you are struggling with your mental health, please consult a qualified mental health professional.

This piece reflects my personal experience with childhood emotional trauma. It is not intended for individuals who have experienced sexual abuse or whose parents were victims of domestic violence, asor whose parents were victims of domestic violence, as the nature and impact of such trauma may be significantly different. If you are navigating such experiences, please seek support from qualified professionals or organizations specializing in trauma recovery.

Are you someone who has been a victim of childhood trauma? Or do you know someone who has experienced this? Whichever the case may be, in this blog, I am going to talk about how you can heal yourself from childhood trauma and help those around you who have been through a tough childhood. I am not a psychologist, but I am someone who has been through this situation, who has fought alone, who was there for me when nobody was there (except for God), who has chosen to heal herself and who has found a way to do so. This blog is for everyone out there but it is especially for those who do not have anyone in their life to talk to which makes their life even more difficult. In this blog you will get the solution to heal yourself and trust me this solution is all you need to get out of the cycle you are stuck in.

Today, everybody is talking about healing but have we ever asked ourselves what does this word mean? To me it is ACCEPTANCE. Now for me, this acceptance is done in three stages, let me walk you through these stages and discover the art of acceptance. The first stage is accepting what has happened to us – we don’t do this, the first thing we do whenever something bad happens to us is to question: why God? Why did this happen to me? Now, this is very natural. There is nothing wrong in this: it’s a human response and totally valid. But whenever this thought pops up in your mind, I want to you to set everything aside (including your phone), sit in silence and acknowledge that “Okay, this thing has happened to me.”. Relax a little bit.

Next and the most important step is to understand the other person’s (In our case, it is our parents) situation. We need to realize that who we are today is because of the external situations in our life - we are shaped by the environment (good or bad) around us. Once we realize this, we can shape our future the way we want and not the way our external environment wants. This same thing holds true for everyone in this world including our parents. See, if we look at the time when our parents were born, not everyone used to talk about mental health like the way people are doing today. So, our parents never got the chance to understand their issues and heal themselves. In fact, some of our parents had greater responsibilities (getting married and having children) in the age where they were supposed to heal themselves and grow as an individual. Just imagine yourself as them and try to feel their pain. If we want them to understand us, we also need to do the same and it doesn’t matter who takes the initiative because at the end you are a family and you need to stay together. So, I think there is no point in holding a grudge against them because they themselves don’t know how to help them. They just couldn’t handle the circumstances well. We should forgive them which leads to our last step – FORGIVENESS, because it’s the only way to keep our mind stable and in peace. And the moment you understand your parents’ struggle, trust me you will feel a lot lighter. If you don’t do this then this grudge or just staying in the past and questioning things will hold you back and it will not allow you to reach your full potential. Remember, there is a lot of things out there – life is not just about the bad things that happened to you, there is so much more and guess what, you have the ability to change it and make it amazing. So, once you take the last step, it’s like whatever was holding you back will now leave you and you will be a free bird.

BUT, it’s not the case that once you have done this you have completely healed. No, healing takes time and sometimes the old wound resurfaces and we feel like we are stuck again but what if I tell you there is a way to get yourself back on track and you just have to do one simple thing for this – SIT IN SILENCE ALONE AND DO SELF-REFLECTION. Now, you can do it at any place you like to spend your time alone – your house, park, café, etc. It is important to do it every day but especially on days when you are going through a bad phase in life because this will help you take right decisions and come out of that situation easily. And by self-reflection, I mean try to understand every person around you (including you). Try to understand what is the intention behind people’s actions. Get to the root cause of the issue and see if you can do something to change it or make it better – If yes, then go ahead and give it a shot and if you think the situation is out of your control, then leave it to God and sit and relax. He will take care of the rest.

And for those who think why should we be the first one to understand and make things right with our parents – if you keep thinking like this then I am really sorry but you will not find peace, you will remain stuck in the cycle and if you don’t heal yourself then it is highly likely that you will be repeating the same thing to your children because that’s what our parents have done. Our parents didn’t realize it but it’s in our hands to break the cycle. Somebody has rightly said – “Your life is in your hands.”

One last important point – talk to your loved ones about how you feel. I understand that we get hesitant to talk about our feelings especially when we have been through a lot but trust me keeping our feelings to ourselves will only make it worse and it will be difficult for us to come out of this cycle. And for those who don’t have anyone to talk to, please find someone (a friend, a therapist, a family member) with whom you can share your feelings because we can’t survive in this world alone. And only share with the ones whom you can trust completely and not with everyone because you never know who can take advantage of you. And if nobody has told you this before then I will - You are already doing a great job, you have chosen to heal yourself (that’s why you are reading this). Have a good day!!!