Constant living in a cloud. The one things they don't tell you about Chronic Pain and Fibromyalgia is about the brain fog. Forgetting conversations, forgetting what i went to the store for. But its bigger than that. Early morning I drop my daughter off at my grandmothers for child care on my way to work and most mornings I will have to text my grandmother to make sure I actually dropped my daughter off. It is terrifying that you can't remember the small details but the bigger things such as that are so much more important. I have a hard time while working not remember what people tell me to do and have to write every little thing down.
You know the feeling of forgetting what you walk into the next room for, it can be frustrating but eventually you remember and then you go back into the room and go on and do that thing, well with brain fog I don’t ever finally remember I sit there frustrated pacing back and forth to remember what it was that I was supposed to do. I do fear the fact I could be forgetting important things. I am constantly forgetting my keys in the ignition and that is only the start to the things i forget on a daily basis.
Brain fog makes having in-depth conversations with someone almost impossible. Its like you are having a conversation and then you are floating in the clouds watching the conversation and you are not 100% ale to control the words you are saying. The conversation slows down and becomes almost blurry. Like being inside of a dream almost everything feels flowy and vibrant .
My brain fog gives me terrible anxiety constantly worrying about forgetting something important or not doing something correctly. I get anxiety about going to the store and forgetting why I am there or forgetting to buy what I went there for. I get bad anxiety about driving and forgetting to check before i merge or how to get home. I get anxiety about leaving the house and going to the wrong place or not being able to pull over to get out of my brain fog before I continue to drive where I need to go.
People think that brain fog is just forgetting things and it is so much more than forgetting is living in a different dimension, it is lack of ability to focus its constantly physically in one space and mentally being in another. Sometimes you wonder what having a normal conversation is like. When I am having conversations with someone I go off into a private conversation with myself wondering if that person likes me. Maybe I am talking to much or maybe they don’t care. Some people think I am anti social or a B because I don’t talk to them it is because I fear converstastions i fear the brain fog I hate it and I am embarrassed of it and there is nothing I can do to change it or make it go away. It is very hard to explain to someone that you have a brain fog and what it means and how it affects you. I constantly cut conversations short because I feel the brain fog and I want it to go away. Sometimes with brain fog you don’t know if you already said something so you tend to repeat yourself and then that’s a whole other issues that people don’t understand.
There is a positive side to brain fog yes you forget most things and you constant feel like your living in a cloud but the one plus is that you forget everything, you forget the pain, you forget the fights you forget the hardships. Everything in those moments are okay. When you dealing with brain fog the cloud is blissful its painless its calming and quite and slow.
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