Black Sheep

I knew I was different from the day I was born.

Instead of playing with dolls, I loved nature from a young age. I found joy in learning about different animals and dinosaurs, and I liked looking under rocks for weird creatures. To my family I was a pretty strange kid, and to other kids I was an alien.

For some reason at 6 years old I liked to put balsamic vinegar on my salad, but it would always spill all over my lunchbox. So at school, people started calling me "vinegar girl" and it pretty much got worse from there.

I then moved to Florida and started a new school. I was often called to the principle's office for starting drama on the recess field, and using inappropriate language. But the girls told me I wasn't tall enough to play sports with them.

I then started a new school with all new people. By this time I had discovered a new talent and passion for music, so I joined the school choir. I really excelled at singing, but not so much at gym class. I would often not dress out because I knew I was going to get picked last. My choir teacher would often pull me out of gym to go sing with her because she knew how much I hated it. However, one day I discovered a post on facebook by a girl from my chorus class saying "I don't understand why this rich white bitch always gets all the solos."

Next I started highschool at a super religious baptist school with about 50 kids that my parents made me attend. The first day of school I was deemed "Mexican" and told to put on more clothes. the school was predominately white, but I guess they had never seen an italian person before. On a school field trip, I was pulled aside and reprimanded for wearing a tank top. I was told that I was making all the boys look at me, and I was a sinner and making all of them sin.

I then started college but my parents didn't let me go to school for music. I studied pyscholgy, but unfortunately my mental health had gotten the best of me, and I didn't think I'd be able to have a career in that field. I dealt with multiple toxic relationships throughout college and falling outs with roomates and friends. The consensus was always I was just "weird", "crazy", or a "slut".

At the last part-time job I had a girl pulled me aside and asked me why I had so much acne on my face and why I never washed my face. I told her not to say anything else but she proceeded to tell me that it looked like someone had "cum" on my face and I just left it there.

I'm now 23 and I've never had any friends or family to call home. Besides the bullying, I also wasn't accepted much at home, and I never saw my parents hug, kiss, or say one kind word to one another. I struggle with anxiety, depression, ptsd, and BPD, & body dysmorphia every single day.

So I'm currently all alone in my apartment, but I feel extremely safe and protected. I'm still searching for my soul tribe, but it's okay because over the past few years, I have learned to connect with my spirtual team. I've realized that it's okay to be alone sometimes, because sometimes its better to just have your angels around you. I have fallen in love with tarot, meditation, crystals, and astrology. I'm also still pursuing music and I still have dreams of a singing career.

One thing I never did was give up on my dreams and passions. No matter how much people isolated me and made me feel like the "black sheep" I kept shinning my light. When you are born a "starseed" with special gifts, it causes envy and misunderstanding amongst others. Words hurt, and you never know how much it could affect someone. That's why we should always be kind. Embrace your weirdness, embrace your magic, and you will find your home.